tough day

[joelsgirlkathy]

Hello all,
I had a bad day yesterday missing my dear so it has been 9 weeks and now it is getting harder to handle.At first I had a lot to keep me busy and now it has slowed down and the family and friends are slim to none.The lonelness is the worst I hate weekends. My friend found this site for me but I still need people to talk to that understand what I am going thru.I don't have family here and I have very few friends because I made my husband my everything for the last 2 years when he was so sick.Lost contact with everyone.Anybody going thru this???


thanks Kathy
New Bern N.C.

 

[dellinw]

Kathy, I do know how you feel. It has been over a year for me, but I can remember the time when your counting weeks or days. Your loss is moving from your head to your heart, and your getting down to the "missin him" part. I was married for 43years and I too lost myself to caregiving. I also felt my friends forgot about me and my couple friends still tend to do that. One thing I can tell you,it will get easier, not necessarily better but easier. I don't cry everyday like I did for the first few months. The first anniv of his death was June 13th and then Fathers Day so my children and I had some bad days. This is a good site, but it seems not as many are on like a few months ago. Keep God first and you will make it down this hard, lonely road called "grief". I am trying to live in the "now" and look to the future, but my soulmate and my memories will be with me forever and beyond. God Bless you.
Helen

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

Helen,Thanks for the kind words.I don;t get many people that reply but they read my message.I wish more people would write it helps.I am glad that it will get easier but I have missed him so.
'thanks Kathy

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

thanks, I need books to read that will help me I am alone now and scared to death.
Kathy

 

[pammie54]

The widow's resource book vol 1 by Julie A. Calligaro was excellent in those first few months when your life is out of control.

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

thanks pammie I'll look for it

 

[APaladinsHeart]

It's been just over two months for me too.
I've just started reading C.S. Lewis's "A Grief Observed"
My Father in Law read it right after Lib died.

I too am going through the doldrums of everyday life now that the "crisis" time is over. It is very hard to get motivated to do anything. Laundry is piling, the lawn is a jungle, and I eat horribly now.

But I know God has a purpose just for me.
Ephesians 2:10
She fulfilled her purpose and got to go "home".
I still have His work to do, and have begun searching for what that is.

Life has irrevocably changed, but not ended. God has just changed the path that we walk down, yet He is still there with us, guiding us.
On the days that it is too quiet, try just listening for Him. I have found great peace in His words.

You are more than welcome to PM me. Maybe we can work through this together. I'll listen and know waht you are talking about.
J

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

I have not posted enough to email people yet thanks kathy

 

[ThinkJesus]

It's been 6 months for me. It was bad at first, then I was numb for a while, now it's back to bad. I have some idea of what you're going through. I'll pray for you.

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

thanks I need all the prayers I can get,I thought it would get a little easier but it is getting harder
thanks Kathy

 

[profmom]

Kathy,
I may be stating the obvious, but the reason it gets harder rather than easier is because the shock and numbness has worn off. It's been 14 months for me and I just heard a song that sent me into tears. Some days I go along and think I'll be fine, but then there is a trigger of some sort that sends me into a tailspin. I've learned to ride out the storm, pray (or get mad at God), and do the next thing.......

 

[joelsgirlkathy]

GOD I hate that you have to go thru it all over again and I hate That it may happen to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[profmom]

I guess the positive thing is that the triggers come less and less and with much more time in between. I've learned to just ride it out, take it as a release and then keep going. NO ONE can walk this valley for you. You just have to do it yourself. I know it's discouraging to think that it will rear its ugly head periodically, but each time you will be stronger for having survived it.

 

[shaderun4]

I lost friends during my husband's illness too. They didn't understand that everything went into taking care of Jim and I did not have anything left over to give to friendships. They expressed the wish to help but I wanted to protect Jim. Jim could not tell me in words but I felt that he was only comfortable with me and the kids. That's ok it is not their fault. I also don't feel that I can go back to those old friendships. It is different now...I am different now. It is my fault. It has taken a year for me to come out of myself and try to reach out. I haven't answered my phone since Jim died. I leave the answering machine on. I also couldn't answer emails, I didn't even go online.
I think the fact that you are reaching out and sharing will help get you through the days. Here it is safe (I hope). Bless you.
Candace

 

[Baptised1]

Im sorry if this is a late post. I am young and have only last my popaw . I hate to sound like this but im a guy , but if it helps at all if your pretty sure your husband is saved rejoice in the name of Jesus because think about it , you should be jealouse he left you down here and went to go chill with Jesus -.- while you are down here in this painfull old world dangit , but dont fret Jesus will be back soon and youll have to go running through the city of gold looking for him and run to the rivers and look under the trees , hes waiting on you having a good ole time chillin in heavin and him and Jesus have met and they are rejoicing , praising god with everything they have and probably have a lazy boy in his mansion! lol Days past quick , and ingulf your life with his glory join Mission groups if you can or have time , become active in your church and let his glory fill your heart with happiness , your church is family , your fellow christians are family , if you dont get along in your church well there are alot down here in the south and not sure where ya live but we are every where down here! , but god is the key to your happiness dont sadness cover up your love god , turn to him and satan can not manipulate your sadness. I love you!!!! Get back in church and join missions , there are alot on the internet look it up and see the world with christians like you ^^

PS: In your younger BODYYYY no more painssss yayy.
Im not calling you old or anything So dont get mad ^^

 

[singingwife]

Joelsgirlkathy, I just sort of stumbled onto your post once again. It's now been just over 2 months for me. The loneliness does set in every now and again, and I also have weird dreams. Family has been supportive, and sometimes I find excitement with new friendships that SO wouldn't have happened had he lived! I too found it lonely and isolating when my dh was so sick. And now.........well, sometimes I have to think; okay, who said they would do whatever they could? Which one of them should I call?
So, how are you now? I'm more than willing to share with you more privately if you would like.
Music helps me. I'm always glad for uplifting songs that I suddenly get in my head, or I hear one on the radio. Today the Mariah Carey song Hero(it's an old song) came on the radio when I was at work. It's not necessarily singing about God but about finding a "hero in you". But it can easily be interpreted that way. After hearing it, relevant Scriptures were coming at me. And remembering that with His help, I can do this; I can take the next step. I hope this encourages you.