Too young to get engaged?

[Snowgum]

I am 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We have the greatest relationship - we both love each other so much; he is my best friend and makes me so happy. I just know that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

We have both finished our education and have had steady, full-time jobs for about 2 years. Both of our jobs are really well-paying have have professional security. Between us we have saved up A LOT of money, and have decided that we want to buy a house. It is the perfect time to, where we live the market is really great for buyers at the moment, too. It will be a great investment for our savings.

Anyway, before we buy a house together we want to get engaged/married. However, my parents and other family members think I am too young to get engaged. What do you think? I think it's silly, because my parents got married and bought their first house when they were 23. I understand that things are 'different' these days (that is their argument) and people get married later in life, but if we are ready and in a stable position in life, why not? What is so wrong with getting engaged at 24?

I was so excited about starting a life with my boyfriend and now I just feel sad that, according to some, it's not the right time

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

I think you and your boyfriend should make this decision between the two of you. Suggestions from your parents and friends can be beneficial, but in the end you can't live your life catering to the wants of your parents or other random people in life.

 

[Snowgum]

I know and very good advice... but the bible teaches us to respect our parents and our elders and their wisdom. I feel as though when they tell me that something isn't right, or when they disagree with me, I should consider their wisdom and point of view. Even though I feel it is right for me... I don't know.

 

[LinkH]

Snowgum,

From what little you have said, it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.

I can think of five possible reasons they might say that.

1. They think he is too immature to be married.
2. They think you are too immature to be married.
3. They don't want you to marry him, but haven't had the guts to confront the issue.
4. In their mind, you are their baby. They don't want you to grow up and get married.
5. A combination of any of the above.

Hopefully, its number 4. Are they believers? Talk to your parents about whether they think he is the right guy for you. If he is the only man you have dated seriously, I think that is all the more reason for you to stick with him, rather than being heart-broken. I'd present a case from a historical perspective. What age have women married historically? 24 is probably a bit old, historically, especially for a woman to marry.

If they are Christians, and I were you, I'd read I Corinthians 7 with my mother, pointing out that marriage prevents temptation to fornication. Ask both your parents how old do they want to be when their grandchildren graduate college. Do they want to be there? Tell them things about the increased chance of birth defects when children are born to mothers in their 30's, and how you'd still like to be a bit young when your kids are grown up.

I believe my wife had just turned 24 the month before we wed. I am about three years older than she is. I don't think we were too young. If I had to re-live my life from high school onward knowing all I know now and having all the memories I have now, I'd probably go find her and marry her a little younger, right after I graduated college. Why delay something like that if you are grown and can support yourselves.

Btw, I'd also tell my parents I'm trying to go into the next stage of life, and I feel just stuck here, waiting to wed, but it isn't happening. Why put it off.

Your boyfriend will also have to take the lead here. Since you want to honor and respect your parents in this, and get their approval (good for you), he needs to convince them. He should spend time with your dad, and talk to him about his concerns. He can talk about hot button issues with parents, like how he intends to take good care of you, be a responsible husband and father. For a lot of parents, grandkids are a big selling point. If you want to have kids, he can talk to your father about the advantage of your having them sooner, rather than later. If he builds up more of a relationship with your dad, that can also have benefits in the family later on.

Maybe your parents think of him as a kid since you have dated so long, and their impression of him is formed by all his youthful speech and decisions. If he can spend more time around them, they may begin to think of him more like he is now.

 

[Snowgum]

LinkH, thank you SO MUCH for all of your helpful advice! You bring up some really good points.

I think my parents know I am mature, but maybe they don't think the same about my boyfriend. They have known him for as long as I have and get along with him really well, they always say how much they like him and how much of a great guy he is. But maybe they have been withholding some opinions from me. They always seem to assume that I will marry him (e.g. talking about future grandkids, marriage etc) but I guess they just don't want me to do it yet. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I am their 'baby' and it's hard to let go. I am the eldest child so this is the first time they are going through a child leaving the 'nest.' (I would also like to point out that I don't plan on having kids anytime soon, which is a whole different ball game in terms of maturity/readiness, it's just marriage at the moment).

The hard thing is that my parents aren't Christians, so it's hard to get them to see my point of view as a lot of reasons WHY I want to get married are related to my Christian beliefs.

I think I'm just gonna try to talk to them about why they think it's a bad idea to do it at this age, why they are anxious about it, etc.

Thanks so much for the people who have replied so far.

 

[LinkH]

If they aren't Christians, they probably think of it as up to you anyway. If I were you, I'd be talking to them about how you really wanted their blessing to proceed, how I'd accomplished all the things I wanted at this stage of life (education, starting a career) and how you and your BF wanted to go on to the next stage of life. To some extent, I think your boyfriend should take the lead in talking this over with your parents, asking for their blessing--saying how important that is to you, and so he is asking for it before he proposes. Maybe he could run his ideas on how to do it by them. This would be better advice for me to give him, wouldn't it. It may be all talk to them unless he starts taking some steps toward it.

 

[ChristineM130]

My parents are not believers and thought my fiance and I should cohabit for a few years before marrying!


As you get older, your parents aren't able to make the right decisions for you. Like you, I am young, finished with school, and have begun my career. Now I am focused on starting a marriage and family. My mother was a little apprehensive at first, but has said that she feels that I am old enough. Sometimes it takes families a little while to come around.

24 is not too young to get married if you are settled. Why do your parents feel you are too young? Do you live at home? If you do, they might be thinking of your odd quirks and domestic shortfallings as a reason not to marry. Sometimes, I leave my clothes on the bathroom floor when I shower; I store my deodorant in the kitchen; my closet is a mess. If my I lived with my mother, she would certainly bring those reasons up when I decided to marry! Personally, I would not see a man living at home around here as ready to marry (I mean, come on, efficiency apartments here are $300/month!), but I know in metropolitan areas where the cost of living is higher, a lot of very responsible college grads live at home for a very long time. But when a grown child is living at home, it's hard for many parents to see them as an adult.


Does your boyfriend have any gaping immaturities that would cause them apprehension? Are the career and savings yours alone? This would be a good reason for them to ask you to wait.


But a lot of the time, and what I suspect for you, a family just has trouble letting go of a child for marriage, especially daughters. If you're newly engaged, this could pass. Engagement is a very emotional time for everyone involved. I am not even an emotional woman, and I have flipflopped so much between joy and anxiety it's unreal... and surprisingly to me, so have my loved ones. I especially have not seen my mother ever so indecisive about whether she's ecstatic or worried. She started off more worried, but now has really started to share in my joy, more than I ever dreamed she would.


Just pray. Ask God whether or not you're ready to marry. Pray with your fiance together. God will tell you in your heart. He holds the answer, not you, or your family, or anyone on here.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

I know and very good advice... but the bible teaches us to respect our parents and our elders and their wisdom. I feel as though when they tell me that something isn't right, or when they disagree with me, I should consider their wisdom and point of view. Even though I feel it is right for me... I don't know.

Of course. My suggestion wasn't to dishonor your parents. The Bible doesn't teach us to blindly obey anyone and that includes a person's parents. Your parents' advice should be carefully considered because of their wisdom gained through experience and because we are instructed to do so scripturally, but in the end, the choice is still up to you.

 

[blackribbon]

24 years old is not too young to get engaged or even married. If you waited longer, what would you be waiting for? 5 years together should be long enough to decide if this is the man you trust spending your life with. Either he is a good match or he isn't...short of a life changing event, neither of you are likely to change that much.

 

[roseglass6370]

24 is not too young to get married.

Pray about it and do as you feel led by God.

 

[Oddish]

In the end it is not up to your parents, it is up to you and your boyfriend but do take their opinion into account. I find it hard to believed that they think you are too young, maybe they have other reasons that they have not expressed for not wanting you two to marry?

To me it sounds like you and your bf are in good financial situation to get married but are you both emotionally mature and what are your reasons for wanting to marry?

To me it seems there is no reason to not get married