too soon?

[dano41788]

Hey guys

I've been dating my girlfriend Nicole for 6 months, and I really think she's the one, we've been really intentional about our relationship being to see if we can get married. We were in the same group of friends for three years before we started dating. around December i started spending more one on one time with her, she called me because all our friends were going to Applebees after the saturday night service at church, we got our bills, everyone else left, and Nicole and I were still talking in the booth for a bit, until we left a half an hour later then sat on the bench outside, (It was unseasonably warm) and talked for another hour. After that night, it kind of hit me how incredible of a person she was and I wanted to get to know her more. Two months afterwards, on Valentine's Day, I told Nicole that I wanted to see if things between us could possibly get romantic, so we went on a few dates, march 14 was the day we actually decided to become an exclusive couple with the plan to date to see if we can marry, with the agreement that if any of us didn't think we could be husband and wife, we'd end things.

Nicole and I have really prayed and have been counseled by a lot of great, godly people who all affirmed our relationship, this is by far the best relationship I've ever had. She's amazing, I'm in love with her, she feels the same about me,and I'm pretty sure I want to share the rest of my life with her.

Some of my good friends think it's way too soon to ask her to marry me, and that I'm rushing it. I want to hear some of your thoughts

 

[Wookiee]

How old are the two of you (a really important question)?

I'd be fairly cautious about it, myself. When I was with my ex-girlfriend I thought she was "the one". It took almost six months of being in a dating relationship with her (as opposed to the period of friendship we had before) to let the negative aspects of her personality really shine (which I probably would not have noticed or seen as friends) and it took about eight months for us both to learn that neither one of us was really right for each other, especially in terms of love languages.

 

[Inkachu]

Yeah, the age question is a really important one. Marriage does not make life easier, it gets HARDER, trust me. The fluttery, swoony feelings fade, and they fade fast. Marriage can be the most incredible thing in the world, but it takes loads of maturity.

 

[dano41788]

We're 25.

 

[EazyMack]

Go for it!

And then:

Pre-marital counseling. Seriously.

(With a Christian therapist/counselor who does pre-marital counseling.)

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Every couple is different in terms of rushing. Some engage and marry fast, some engage after years and marry. Its up to the couple and if they truly think they are ready for it. I engaged to my wife after about a month. We got married over a year later.

I agree that things will get harder. You 110% HAVE to be sure your ready for marriage. For some that "happy" feeling lasts forever, but it doesn't change they fact you WILL have fights, you may have time here you question why you married them. Marriage is no like in books or movies. Its a real thing and takes work.

Its something I made sure my wife understood up front. I didn't want someone living in a fairy tale about it. I'd as mentioned get marital counseling. Me and my wife didn't but we had it in other ways (to long to explain). For most couples they will need it since they don't realize just what a marriage is.

 

[EazyMack]

But I'm allowed to have concubines, right?

 

[JennLynn456]

Go for it!

And then:

Pre-marital counseling. Seriously.

(With a Christian therapist/counselor who does pre-marital counseling.)

This! My husband and I only dated for 6 months, we are 26. We prayed on it a lot, and studied the Bible together a lot, and then went to marriage counselers from our church who counseled on a biblical marriage, and many of the hardships and things to prepare for.

Also, It took my husband longer to figure it out then me. I waited patiently but I knew much sooner than 6 months that we were being called to be married. I am so glad we went through the counseling, it has been a huge blessing. Have you guys studied biblical marriage together yet? I think it's a good idea.

You two will be in my prayers!

 

[LinkH]

It depends on the situation, but I don't see why people would say you are 'rushing it.' Are these friends single? Very much old enough to be married and single? Ask advice about this from happily married couples and you may get different advice than from your single friends.

I was introduced to my wife a year before we had a real conversation, but we had that conversation the day after Valentine's Day in February. It took us a week or so to in contact with each other and start talking on the phone. After a couple of weeks, I took her out to dinner just about every night for months and we spent a lot of time together. I proposed in July. We've been married for over a decade.

You've known this woman for three years. Have you known her reasonably well? If you have, saying you are rushing things makes no sense to me at all. The real issue is whether you two have thought through what you want in a spouse. You could talk to older people like that. The other issue is how the Lord directs you when you pray. Is there any reason, Biblically, why you shouldn't marry? Would your parents be supportive? Would her father give her away? If parents don't think you are rushing, they probably know better than single friends.