Too sarcastic and selfish

[Pathfinder]

Hey everyone I was wondering if you could help me with something.

Ever since around the time I graduated high school I have noticed that I am quite a sarcastic person. My friends have said this and recently since my mother has made friends with the neighbor, the neighbor has told me I am way too sarcastic with my mother and I should treat her and other people better. She said that she wanted to see the "real me" and not this kid who thought it was sexy to have a sarcastic attitude. The fact that it wasn't her business to tell me this aside, what can I do to stop being the way I am?

The biggest problem is that inside it feel like I am a good person and there does not seem to be any anger present whenever this sarcasm rears its head. However after reading up on sarcasm it seems that an excess of sarcasm is a sign of hidden anger problems. I did have depression for the past few years but since the past month I have felt so much happier now that my spiritual life has grown. It would seem that since I am so much more laid back and willing to talk to people and be more friendly that the sarcasm would go away but it has not receded hardly at all. Maybe a little bit. But I do care for my mom and the people that my sarcasm affects and it is strange but sarcasm seems to be my mark for liking or caring for somebody.

The other thing is that I hardly talk to people and it is difficult to carry on a conversation and those with my mom tend to be short and often full of my sarcasm. She is sarcastic too so it might not affect her as much but still it would be nice to know what is up and if anyone has had similar issues that they could maybe shine some light on this subject??

I just want to be a kinder more caring person in general. In the past few months I have noticed that my mom has appeared in my thoughts more (indicting maybe that I care for her more?) as opposed to hardly ever being there before. It just seems so hard to care about people. It is like there is something inside that is preventing me from caring.. almost like I am too lazy to care.

Thanks for any help!

 

[LadyMatsuke]

Work out why you're doing this??

 

[Isambard]

There is nothing wrong with being sarcastic or selfish. Not to mention those two qualities are not mutually exclusive with caring of kindness. It merely means you are more discerning.

 

[nataliexcore]

i'm super sarcastic myself. maybe you do have hidden anger problems? think long and hard about it... people who are meanly sarcastic tend to say it in a way that makes the other person look stupid... from my observations. like "you are an idiot for not realizing this" kinda thing. i dunno. i guess one thing you can do is a classic piece of advice, but still true: think before you speak. not everyone gets it... remember that. also talk to your mom and ask what she thinks about it.

and as for hidden anger, well, you'd have to do some serious deep thinking and decide if you're angry about anything from your past and just let that crap go. if it even exists.

butttttt, i've dealt with depression, and depression in a LOT of people comes from anger turned inward. whether or not you realize it. remember that. mine was, i was angry about my own childhood and it turned into depression. so i mean.. just cos you have anger within doesn't mean it'll manifest itself in a way where you're nasty to others, your outlet could be sarcasm or whatever.

but really no one can answer you question, you gotta really think about your life. i'm no shrink, but i hope i helped. you can PM if you want further advice or whatevs.

 

[Echetus]

Yeah I defeated that when I was 13. I did have anger problems, I was just plain angry, so I was looking for reasons to be angry. If your doing it for other reasons idk. Try being the example of your 'teachings'. After all you are sort of professing when you are being sarcastic. Once you try to remember every little thing, try to be alert for every circumstance, you'll realize how anger driven sarcasm is. Then once you realize the absurdity to your suggestions, you'll cease from partaking in 'super intellect' conclusions.

 

[Pathfinder]

Thanks everyone for the advice and I do know that this is a fight that I have to do on my own but your words have inspired me to continue to be aware of myself at all times.

 

[Sunburst]

I dislike sarcastic people. It's just wasted convo. I hope you find another way to communicate. My bet is people are probably wondering what's the deal with you.

 

[EazyMack]

Sarcasm can be hilarious, and it can also be hurtful. I use sarcasm as a form of passive-aggression, as opposed to just mouthing off at someone. But I really do it in such a light manner as to make the person get my point and actually laugh (or at least smile). I don't use blatant, ugly sarcasm that is just obvious to those around that I am trying to be a jerk. I'm respectful about it.

Then again, sometimes I do it just to be silly. Most recent example being when I got home from work, I brought pizza. When I told my girlfriend, she said "You bought it?" So I said "No, I made it."

Point is... it's a fine line, you gotta know how to walk it. As always, walk in love.

 

[stephanieamber]

One of my closest friends is sarcastic, and it is very deeply rooted in her self-esteem. Because of her low self-esteem, she finds the need to "jokingly" tear people apart, and it is quite exhausting.

Really be open with your friends; let them know that you are really trying to limit your sarcasm and to only use humor in a way that builds people up. When you have people keeping you accountable, you are by nature going to be more likely to really think through what you're saying, and to notice when you might have crossed a line you never realized was there before.

 

[ephesus32]

Yeah, I agree with the some of the above posts that sarcasm can be used humorously and a little to hurt somebody. If you also use sarcasm too much, people might not want to talk to you because they feel like they're wasting their time talking to you since you use sarcasm so much. Anyways just try to limit if you realize you're doing it. Some sarcasm is fine, but too much crosses the line.

 

[waxlion10]

Get involved in a volunteer organization of some kind. I found that working with old people this summer REALLY made me more kind and patient.

Sometimes we can't expect to just change ourselves based on sheer willpower or a realization. We need situations and opportunities that can facilitate change and act as a catalyst for personal growth.

Good luck!

 

[toastface_grillah]

This sarcasm; you speak of it as if it were such a bad thing.
On a more serious note, as some earlier posters have said, it could be an anger thing, depending on what’s in your heart. Or it could just be the way that you communicate. Some of us are open and forthright and wear our hearts on our sleeves, and some of us… notsomuch. IMHO, if your sarcasm is mostly angry sarcasm, that’s one thing that others have given far better advice about than I could. But if your sarcasm is mostly witty banter, embrace it – as long as it’s not overboard, and that people know that you’re not being a jerk.

 

[TurntoChrist1985]

Nothing wrong with sarcasm, I guess if you are too sarcastic it may annoy some people, volunteer for something.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

everything in moderation... even sarcasm

 

[NathanHocking]

Did I read this and get it wrong?

There is nothing wrong with being sarcastic or selfish. Not to mention those two qualities are not mutually exclusive with caring of kindness. It merely means you are more discerning.

"selfishness - the quality of being selfish, the condition of habitually putting one's own interests before those of others"
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