Too poor to get married?

[Christownsme]

I'm in love with a girl who is in love with me. She currently brings in about $1800 a month. I am disabled and cannot work, bringing in about $1000 a month SSDI. We did a expected budget and whittled down as much as possible from expenses, but we have no money left over in case of emergencies and especially if one of us needs to purchase another car. And with gas prices going up, we are figuring we won't have anything left.

If we don't marry, she can live comfortably on her own, and I will probably get help from my sister to live with them or something. With all the meds I take (12) and having really bad diabetes, I need to look out for myself, as bad as that may sound. I love her a lot. I don't know what to do.

 

[iambren]

Don't get married.

 

[Malaika Faye]

... but we have no money left over in case of emergencies and especially if one of us needs to purchase another car.

One thought is if you are disabled and not working you would only need one car.

 

[PandaBeast]

If number crunching is the reason you don't want to get married I would say there are some serious problems. Sort of the "I love you, but I love material comforts just a little more." Probably the relationship isn't that big of a deal to you.

 

[Rhye]

I always thought the people who said, "we are going to save up or wait until we get that job to get married" are people who don't want to marry that other person. If you love her, want to spend the rest of your life with her, marry her. You can both build a life together, work together, and create those things. I'm not saying it will be easy, I am sure it will be very difficult but can you imagine your life without her? If so, then don't. If not, then marry her. Live a simple life and love her.

 

[Humble Pie]

If we don't marry, she can live comfortably on her own, and I will probably get help from my sister to live with them or something.

Save up, you probably won't like living with a sibling long term. Better to be with someone special like our creator intended.

 

[Luther073082]

Where do you live that you can't make it on 2800 a month? Or how bad are the meds that you can't make it on 2800 a month?

 

[explodingboy]

I lived on $900 a month when I was in the states, $1100 when the now ex had food stamps.. I can't see how just shy of 3K a month is too poor to marry.

 

[scouting1824]

i agree with someone above..If you love her AND want to marry her I think that you should try even if its $1 a day in a cookie jar. Marriage is a good thing in Gods eyes so i think if you really truly want to do this you should stand up and ask God to take control. there is nothing he can not do . I wanted to go back to school and only had a little money saved half way through it I thought wow I'm going to get kicked out because i don't have the funds. but out of no where my sister started pitching in and and she paid the rest of the school fees. I know this is all because of the grace of God. he put it in my heart to go to school and thats what i did i had no idea my sister would be able to help me. its about faith and doing his will, so if he put this on your heart i think if you pass this up you will regret it If you don't want to marry her its fine as well but don't let something like money stop your faith. I hope these thoughts are not out of guilt it just sounds like you want her to continue with out because of your present state but if she loves you she does not feel that way at all

 

[Verve]

Getting married will save you in the long run because you'll be living together. Being single is so much more expensive unless you're still living with family or living with friends.

 

[emily_elizabeth]

My fiance and I both get SSDI...he gets $800 a month and I get $737. We're getting married in September. We're going to be able to live just fine on much less than you and your lady have. We may not have lots of extras and a nice car but we have each other.

 

[Christownsme]

I understand two people want to base their relationship on love, not on finances. But you gotta be real, too. Just for example, my psychiatric meds and diabetic insulin together costs nearly $2200/mo. I can't hold a job because of my condition. We both love each other, but we're also in reality.

 

[VictoriasImage77]

Are you saying that you don't want to burden her with your expenses?

I am confused, if you get 1000 a month but your meds cost 2200, how does that work? I'm not trying to get into your personal finances, but I'm just wondering where the rest comes from?

If you both want to get married, you can do it on the cheap.

 

[BelieverInMostHigh]

I always thought the people who said, "we are going to save up or wait until we get that job to get married" are people who don't want to marry that other person. If you love her, want to spend the rest of your life with her, marry her. You can both build a life together, work together, and create those things. I'm not saying it will be easy, I am sure it will be very difficult but can you imagine your life without her? If so, then don't. If not, then marry her. Live a simple life and love her.

I've always thought the exact opposite.

Love your partner so much that you want to provide for them right off the bat and not have to subject your relationship to low income.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

OP seems to be a lot smarter than some others I've met. Number crunching is a huge part of the decision to get married and if the numbers don't add up, then you would certainly be better off waiting. If you can't financially do it, it will end up becoming a problem between the two of you not too long down the road.

Here's what I would do: Wait till you two are making enough money that you could comfortably make it work without too much worry. Don't wait to be rich, but don't jump into it if you know you will be in a tight hole.

Christownsme, have you looked into jobs that allow you to work from home? Many of them are scams, that is sure, but there are a lot of companies moving over to home offices because it saves money for them and allows them to have a wider array of employees. Especially things like the medical billing field, which would require a bit of schooling, but most billing offices are from home now.

 

[Rhye]

I've always thought the exact opposite.

Love your partner so much that you want to provide for them right off the bat and not have to subject your relationship to low income.

I've seen so many people wait years and years cause their partner said, "No this year, when I get the job." And then 5, 6, 7 years went by and nothing. It just seems they are not waiting for the income to increase, they just want an upgrade on the gf/bf.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

I've seen so many people wait years and years cause their partner said, "No this year, when I get the job." And then 5, 6, 7 years went by and nothing. It just seems they are not waiting for the income to increase, they just want an upgrade on the gf/bf.

Not everyone is that devious. Plus, if more people were smarter and waited, we might see a lot less divorce among people who do so because of stress caused by lack of finances... which happens to be the number one reason people get divorced in the first place.

This alone goes to prove that life is not a movie and love does not conquer all like the chick flicks would have you believe.

 

[Rheard22]

I agree with those who say wait until things financially become more feasible for the both of you.

 

[explodingboy]

Not everyone is that devious. Plus, if more people were smarter and waited, we might see a lot less divorce among people who do so because of stress caused by lack of finances... which happens to be the number one reason people get divorced in the first place.

This alone goes to prove that life is not a movie and love does not conquer all like the chick flicks would have you believe.

Personally I feel it works both ways.

Every study points to folk waiting later and later to get married, and yet we have a huge rise in divorce, which I feel has as much to blame on people setting this image of a perfect marriage and putting things off so it can be just right.. coming to the sudden realisation that actually it still requires a lot of hard work that they skipped over.

Me and my partner, started a joint account very early in our relationship, all was good and well except I've now lost my job and due to the relationship don't qualify for job seekers or essentially any financial aid. If it makes any difference after tax, the total income for us roughly just over £900, $1.4 in yank. We get by just fine on that.

 

[Inkachu]

Sentiment is all well and fine, but as the saying goes, love won't pay the bills or put food on the table. I don't think the OP ever said where they live, but believe me, $2800/month for two adults is NOTHING in some areas of the country, especially with added medical bills. They'd never be able to afford a house, and would probably have to rent in less-than-savory conditions for the rest of their lives. And what if his wife winds up pregnant? They'd be hard-pressed to support a family of two, let alone three.

I think you should consider either being together, but not married (at least for now, perhaps she can get a better job or a raise down the road) OR be prepared for a life of poverty if you do get married. And I'm not saying that in a demeaning way, I don't think there's any shame in being dirt-poor if you live an honest, responsible life. But that's not a life that most people would choose.

Another option (possibly) is to marry, and live the absolute leanest existence possible. Be prepared to go without cable, cell phones, internet, be ready to own the barest essentials in furniture and furnishings and clothing, buy your groceries in bulk or on sale, etc. Most people aren't willing to do all those things, but if you do them faithfully, you'd be surprised how little you can live on.