too extreme and controlling

My fiancee said she'd end the engagement if she found out I went to a strip club for a bachelor party. My friends and cousins say she's too controlling and extreme. I like it. Your thoughts? I don't want to be around strippers either

I take a bit more committed stance to engagement than a lot of other people, especially if by engagement we mean her dad has agreed to it already. I'm in favor of learning everything you need to know about the other person's character before engagement, rather than treating engagement as a trial period before the marriage. That's one issue. If your fiancee is threatening to break off the engagement, then she may want to play the divorce card.

On the other hand, she is threatening to break off the engagement if you do something bad and sinful. Unless you are some kind of spiritual superman, how are you going to go to a strip club and look at naked women without looking at them to lust after them. Jesus said if a man looks after a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery with her already in his heart. That's serious business.

Isn't the point of going to a strip club to look with lust. So I can understand why she would be upset about this, take it very seriously, and not want to marry the kind of man who would have a bachelor party at a strip club.

Are you a believer? If you are, I think you should consider what Jesus said and then consider what kind of friends you are keeping company with to celebrate one of the most important events of your life. If you are a Christian or not, and you think it is okay to go to a strip club and look lustfully after women, you need to repent and get your heart right with God. If you are being pressured to do so by your friends, you need to exercise a little courage and stand up for what is right. You should also consider what a bad witness of your faith it is for someone who professes faith in Christ to go with his friends to a strip club.

What you are wanting to do is pretty extreme.

There's not enough information given to gage whether or not she is controlling. You two may have very different values than your friends do. My husband did not want to have a bachelor party and I did not want a bachelorette party. I think both of us would have been put off if the other had wanted one. I'm sure certain people we know totally didn't understand our decision, but it was ours to make and not theirs.

Imo, any "friends" who make strippers part of your bachelor party, are not friends at all. It just shows they do not support the commitment you are making to your fiance, and disrespecting your personal values. Then by calling her controlling, it is being disrespectful not only of your fiance, but also of your choice of woman to marry.

I would not want my husband going to a strip bar for his bachelor party either. That does not mean I'm controlling, but it means that I would question his commitment to being with me, forsaking all others. Imo, engagement means that the marriage commitment is already in the heart, and we know behaviour comes out of our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. If a husband or bride to be go to a stripper, it would make me question what is really in his or her heart.

In the same way, if your friends believed in your marriage to this woman, their actions would be supportive of your commitment to her, and not even suggesting going to a stripper. My suggestion would be to enjoy the bachelor party, and then when they want to go to the stripper, they can go without you. Prepare to leave the party if you have to, by pre-arranging with a trusted friend who is attending, or by pre-arranging a ride with someone you can call at a moment's notice. This way the party can happen, and they can enjoy the "typical" bachelor stuff while you honour your wife-to-be.

Well of course your friends say that. They are living in sin by watching strippers. No one wants to be told they are guilty of something. If my wife had strippers for a party I wouldn't marry her likely. Well we would talk first and figure it out from there.

So I was at my friends house when her mother started telling us about the new table she was refinishing.
"I need to strip the paint but I don't think I can do it in the house." She lamented, as it was winter and snowy outside.
"Why not do it in the garage?" I suggested.
"I think the fumes would still be too strong - I wonder if there's such thing as an non-smelly stripper?"

That's when I choked on my coke....

~ Niffer

dano884christ said:

My fiancee said she'd end the engagement if she found out I went to a strip club for a bachelor party. My friends and cousins say she's too controlling and extreme. I like it. Your thoughts? I don't want to be around strippers either

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I don't understand why someone would start off a lifelong commitment to another person by watching people of the opposite sex dance naked for them.

As my wife said, I didn't even have a bachelor party because I find the very idea of them to be silly.

People often either treat it as "your last night as a free man/woman" so to speak and engage in activities such as watching strippers, which is not how one should start off their commitment to another person. Or they treat it as a binge drinking fest. Neither of these things are good.

If a bachelor party where just friends going someplace to get food or something talk, maybe watch TV, listen to music. . . then I would be ok with that.

The problem is that worldly people try to make it into something different.

Traditionally the best man is suppose to be in charge of these things. Since my best man was my brother and he certainly does not match my values, I just told him not to have one because I quite honestly don't trust that he wouldn't have tried to bring in strippers or turn it into a binge drinking fest.

Honestly I think these things would be a lot more tame if the prospective father in law where invited. I'm guessing he wouldn't be too impressed by watching strippers and binge drinking the night before you where going to marry his daughter.

dano884christ said:

My fiancee said she'd end the engagement if she found out I went to a strip club for a bachelor party. My friends and cousins say she's too controlling and extreme. I like it. Your thoughts? I don't want to be around strippers either

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Your "friends" and cousins are shallow morons. A man who's about to be a husband doesn't party his way out of single life by acting like a depraved animal. Bachelor/ette parties are a disgusting perversion of a harmless old custom; to celebrate the impending union of a husband and wife by their close friends and family just before the wedding. I wouldn't even DATE, let alone MARRY, a guy who would even consider having a bachelor party that involved strippers.

If you're truly a Christian man, you need to step up and take a stand. Your fiancee is more than justified in threatening to break the engagement. Would YOU want HER around a bunch of naked men?? More importantly, what does God think about all this??

Tell your fiancee you will NOT do this, and apologize for even thinking about it. Tell your friends and cousins to grow up and forget about it. Tell them you want a night of harmless fun doing something you enjoy; sports, video games, whatever. If they don't support you, they don't deserve to remain in your life.

Inkachu said:

Your "friends" and cousins are shallow morons. A man who's about to be a husband doesn't party his way out of single life by acting like a depraved animal. Bachelor/ette parties are a disgusting perversion of a harmless old custom; to celebrate the impending union of a husband and wife by their close friends and family just before the wedding. I wouldn't even DATE, let alone MARRY, a guy who would even consider having a bachelor party that involved strippers.

If you're truly a Christian man, you need to step up and take a stand. Your fiancee is more than justified in threatening to break the engagement. Would YOU want HER around a bunch of naked men?? More importantly, what does God think about all this??

Tell your fiancee you will NOT do this, and apologize for even thinking about it. Tell your friends and cousins to grow up and forget about it. Tell them you want a night of harmless fun doing something you enjoy; sports, video games, whatever. If they don't support you, they don't deserve to remain in your life.

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Good post!

dano884christ said:

My fiancee said she'd end the engagement if she found out I went to a strip club for a bachelor party. My friends and cousins say she's too controlling and extreme. I like it. Your thoughts? I don't want to be around strippers either

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If you like her stance and don't want to be around strippers for your party, who cares what your friends think? I'd think that adapting your stance from what your fiancee wants, and what you want, to something else simply to not give the illusion that your fiancee is controlling is stupid. If that's what you've worked out between the two of you... Who cares what anybody else thinks? Are you marrying her or your friends?

If my husband and I had worked something out and some, or even all, of his friends said he was nuts for our agreement, whatever it was, neither of us would care. We're doing what makes us happy.

Tell your friends you agree with her, that you don't want strippers even if she was OK with it, and say that it's none of their business. And stop sharing marital agreements you've made with your future with with your friends.

ValleyGal said:

Imo, any "friends" who make strippers part of your bachelor party, are not friends at all. It just shows they do not support the commitment you are making to your fiance, and disrespecting your personal values.

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