Toddler tantrums

[MominTX2004]

My daughter is 17 months old and she has just started having screaming fits/tantrums and they happen out of the blue. She doesn't say a lot of words yet and doesn't really get upset over a lot of things, but just within the past month she has had these crying fits. She had one yesterday and I couldn't calm her down right away. She cried for about 30 minutes and finally calmed herself down. But she had fallen asleep in the car on the way home from daycare and then woke up when I turned off the car. She was fine when I brought her in the house but I attempted to put her in the high-chair and she just started crying and screaming and I picked her up and she started kicking her feet and kept crying and so I put her on the floor and she kept on crying and started scooting on her back so I took her to her room and she kept crying. Nothing I would do made her happy....I tried to pick her up and she pushed away from me and kept on screaming. So I decided to leave the room...and she kept crying for about 20 minutes and then settled herself down and came out to the kitchen where I was at and I gave her some juice and she was finally calmed down. Is this normal? My son didn't start throwing tantrums until he was 2 and it only happened after I told him no so then I knew why he was throwing the fit, but with my daughter she just starts screaming/crying and I don't know why she is getting upset. But sometimes when she falls down or even when she gets shots she doesn't cry at all.

 

[Katydid]

WOW sounds like my daughter. Maybe that is a girl thing. Personally, I would think that she needed some waking up time before being put in the high chair. The only thing that works for us is to stop the tantrum before it starts. As soon as the whimper comes, I try to give alternatives to a fit. My sons help with this. I will do things like...

If your mad, make a mad face...then my sons and I demonstrate.

If you are mad raise your hand...then my sons and I raise our hands.

Little things like that. We also have a no scream zone, which is basically our living area. My children know that if they start screaming, even my little one, that they will be outside to do it (if it is nice enough) or in their room. They also know that if they are mad enough that they feel they need to scream, they can go to one of those places. After she knows that this is unacceptable, you may consider using your choice of discipline for it. You can't do this until she KNOWS that it is unacceptable.

 

[HeatherJay]

My daughter is 17 months old and she has just started having screaming fits/tantrums and they happen out of the blue. She doesn't say a lot of words yet and doesn't really get upset over a lot of things, but just within the past month she has had these crying fits. She had one yesterday and I couldn't calm her down right away. She cried for about 30 minutes and finally calmed herself down. But she had fallen asleep in the car on the way home from daycare and then woke up when I turned off the car. She was fine when I brought her in the house but I attempted to put her in the high-chair and she just started crying and screaming and I picked her up and she started kicking her feet and kept crying and so I put her on the floor and she kept on crying and started scooting on her back so I took her to her room and she kept crying. Nothing I would do made her happy....I tried to pick her up and she pushed away from me and kept on screaming. So I decided to leave the room...and she kept crying for about 20 minutes and then settled herself down and came out to the kitchen where I was at and I gave her some juice and she was finally calmed down. Is this normal? My son didn't start throwing tantrums until he was 2 and it only happened after I told him no so then I knew why he was throwing the fit, but with my daughter she just starts screaming/crying and I don't know why she is getting upset. But sometimes when she falls down or even when she gets shots she doesn't cry at all.

This sounds a lot like a stage that my youngest went through. LOL, otherwise know as a good and proper MELTDOWN, lol.

She was always a relatively laid back child, but right around a year and a half, she started just throwing a full on FIT (screaming at the top of her lungs, crying nearly to the point of hyperventilation, kicking, rolling on the floor, pushing me away, not allowing anyone to touch her) every now and then...for no good reason. Like your daughter, these fits lasted for 20-30 minutes at a time...and I had no clue WHY she was freaking out.

I was really worried about her, because I thought maybe something psychological was going on, but when I asked our pediatrician, he said that it's fairly common in some toddlers. He said that most likely it was her body's reaction to too much stimuli, coupled with stress. Basically, it's just a meltdown because they're so overloaded by everything going on around them, coupled with the frustration that accompanies that age (they can't effectively communicate their needs and wants, they can't go to the places they want to go, etc).

Anyway, I would always just sit close by my daughter and talk to her in a soothing voice, or sing to her...and then pretty soon she'd climb into my lap and we'd snuggle, and then it was over with.

But, this doesn't sound like the type of tantrum that can really be effectively disciplined. It sounds like a situation where you're just going to have to reassure your child and be patient with her, and try to help her find ways of effectively communicating what she needs.

My little one grew out of it within a few months, and my oldest never had that type of meltdown reaction to anything...so, I think it just depends on the child.

Good luck. rayers:

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

My daughter just turned two and is an old pro at the tantrums. My son had one tantrum as a toddler so we were not really prepared for her.

We've found a solution that seems to work for us. The moment she doesn't get her way and starts her tantrum, I pick her up, carry her to the stairs and plop her down in the 'tantrum zone'. She screams and kicks for two minutes and then I go over and she immediately calms down, gives me a hug and says, "Sawwwy." (it's pretty cute actually). The only words I say to her during the tantrum is to say, "No tantrum" once and then plop her down. After she says 'sawwwy' we talk about using our words instead of having a tantrum. This is really why some children have tantrums, they don't have words to express themselves and it is frustrating. This is one reason I loved doing sign language with my son, he didn't need to have tantrums and could communicate. Unfortunately, my daughter didn't want to learn signing and only uses a few signs so she doesn't have the 'vocabulary' but we are trying to find other ways to help her get her point across.

 

[HeatherJay]

Based on my own experience, the types of 'tantrums' that my youngest would throw (and the type it seems that MominTx might be experiencing) were not normal "I-didn't-get-my-way-so-now-I'm-gonna-scream-about-it" type tantrums. They were literal meltdowns, in the true sense of that word. They lasted for 20-30 minutes with full on screaming, crying, kicking, etc. It wasn't rebellion...it was simply my daughter's inability to cope with the present situation.

So, while I totally agree with nipping regular tantrums in the bud (mine were never allowed to throw fits like that, either...they were punished for it), I think it's important to realize that there may be something other than rebellion going on in this case. Having experienced it, punishing my daughter for those types of meltdowns would not have helped the situation one bit...it would have only made it worse, I think.

 

[Katydid]

So, while I totally agree with nipping regular tantrums in the bud (mine were never allowed to throw fits like that, either...they were punished for it), I think it's important to realize that there may be something other than rebellion going on in this case. Having experienced it, punishing my daughter for those types of meltdowns would not have helped the situation one bit...it would have only made it worse, I think.

This is why we have "screaming zones". So that the child has someplace to go to scream it out if that is what they need.

 

[bliz]

Get ahold of Between Parent and Child. It sounds like your daughter may benifit from some active listening. She cannot yet expre4ss herself verbally and that can be terribly frustrating. 'what you can do it supply her with the words and understanding. When she gets upset and you think you know why, articulate it for her. "You're unhappy that I made rice pudding for dessert. You really don't like rice pudding very much, in fact, to you it looks yucky, doesn't it? Well I'm sorry that you don't like the dessert, but that's what we have today, and you don't have to eat it if you don't want to, but I don't have another dessert for you. I see that you are dissapointed by that and I am sorry that you are." It has amazing power! If you guess wrong about what the problem is, she'll let you know.

My daughter took about a full hour after her nap to be fit to be in the same room with other human beings. A total unpleasant, unhappy ornery little person for about an hour... and then she'd be fine.