To tell or not to tell

[ZiSunka]

Should I tell my ex-fiance that I am going to start seeing someone else?

Or should I keep it from him for a while?

 

[LifeInYou]

If it comes up, be honest. I see no obligation on your part to tell him your plans. What's done is done, right?

UNLESS, for some reason he has false hopes of the two of you reuniting- in that case, set him straight (as painful as it will be).

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Yeah, you don't have a responsibility to him to tell him, but if he asks, you have nothing to hide.

 

[ZiSunka]

Whew!

Thanks guys!

I'm a little afraid he will be hurt or disappointed and we are still close friends and I don't want to do anything to cause him unhappiness.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I wouldn't say anything unless it comes up. If it does, than you should definitely be honest!

 

[rach]

I disagree, if you are close friends still than you should tell him asap. Nothing hurts more than to find out things about your friends from others. My boyfriend and I recently broke up but are still best friends, and we decided that if we should start dating other people then we would want to know all the information and steps leading up to actual dating part. However, if you aren't very close and hardly talk, then you can say something if he brings it up.

 

[paulewog]

I'd kinda tell him, actually. Well I'd want to, anyways, I'm not sure I'd be able to if I were in your place.

I wouldn't want my best friend to find out an important thing by way of mouth through 200 other people. Doesn't say that I care much for our friendship.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I was going to say at first that you really didn't have to tell him. But when you said you were still good friends, I thought maybe it would be a good idea. Just put yourself in his shoes. If he were going to be seeing someone else, would you rather hear it from him or find out through the grapevine? Might just be an issue of common courtesy. Do you owe it to him? Probably not. But if he is a friend, it wouldn't hurt just to let him know.

 

[psycmajor]

He has no reason to know, why should he?

 

[ZiSunka]

I was going to say at first that you really didn't have to tell him. But when you said you were still good friends, I thought maybe it would be a good idea. Just put yourself in his shoes. If he were going to be seeing someone else, would you rather hear it from him or find out through the grapevine? Might just be an issue of common courtesy. Do you owe it to him? Probably not. But if he is a friend, it wouldn't hurt just to let him know.

I don't know. I'm a bit of a coward. I don't want to even think about him dating someone else. Actually, I'm okay with him dating anyone he wants, I'm just umcomfortable with him falling in love with her and abandoning our friendship.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I know, it is hard to think of someone you care about falling in love with someone else. But hopefully he will care enough about your friendship to remain your friend, regardless of who is in his life. And I know it is hard to tell someone that you once cared about that you are moving on, it is also hard to be the one to hear that as well! But, sometimes it is just a part of life. Who would you rather him hear it from, you or the nosey lady down the street who can't wait to share what gossip she knows? But, in the end, it's up to you. (I'm a coward too, so while it is easy for me to give advice, I can totally understand how you feel!)

 

[ZiSunka]

Well, I think I've decided to wait and see how things go with going out with the other guy. If it looks like it might develop into a romantic relationship, I'll tell my ex-fiance, but if it looks like it's going nowhere, I'll keep it to myself to spare his feelings.

That work for everyone?

 

[wvmtnkid]

lol. Sounds good.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Well, I think I've decided to wait and see how things go with going out with the other guy. If it looks like it might develop into a romantic relationship, I'll tell my ex-fiance, but if it looks like it's going nowhere, I'll keep it to myself to spare his feelings.

That work for everyone?

Sure, I'll sign off on that.

 

[rach]

Sounds like a good plan to me too.

 

[Xingyi Warrior]

If he's your X then you and he have formally or informally(It really doesn't matter) terminated your consensual agreement and you are under no obligation to get his approval or give him notice, or anything else. That is unless you are in some way still emotionally attatched to him. If so then that is your problem. If he is then it is his. If your not then just get on with your life and chock him (X) up to the annals of either bad, good, or no-comment experience.

 

[DaveKerwin]

If you are concerned about how your ex will feel, then I think this is a dead give away that you are rebounding. Consider not dating for a while?

 

[ZiSunka]

It's not that I am rebounding. We broke up last fall. I'm concerned about his feelings because he is a very good person and I don't want to do anything that would hurt him, but I do want to move on with my life.

 

[DaveKerwin]

sounds like you may be ready to date again, but he obviously is not.

are you still friends with him or something? why do you talk to him?

 

[ZiSunka]

Yes, we are still close friends. We didn't break up because we hate each other, we broke up because we have irreconcilable differences about whether or not he should borrow $2 million to save his business, which is really a hobby and does not provide an income.