- Nov 19, 2004
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I could hear his breath steady as the whisky pulled him into sleep. Even from the other side of a king sized mattress I could smell the liquor on him. Every pore reeked of one drink or another, the scents mingling to create a stench that was so strong even after two years I still couldnt get used to it. He was curled in the fetal position, clinging to his pillow, his legs tangled in the sweat drenched sheets. Slowly I reached over and poked him in the side. He didnt move.
When I was sure he wouldnt be waking anytime soon, I slid off the bed. I had been practicing almost a month now, making it to the car and back every day that week. Every action, every thought had been planned, perfected, waiting for the day I would escape.
Crouching by the bed I reached underneath and pulled out my old tennis shoes. I pulled the socks out from under the tongue and pulled them on, being sure to double knot the laces. No way would I screw this up tripping over my own two feet. Silently, I took a deep breath and held it. I stood and took three long strides to the door, turning the knob slowly and slid out the door.
Earlier that morning I had oiled the hinges on the door. I always left for work with Cassi before John was up and, like clockwork that morning, I rose, fed Cassi and dropped her at day care. Normally I would then head to Gingham's Diner just in time for the breakfast rush, but I had told my boss that I would be taking a vacation. Visiting a sick Aunt. I told Cassis day care the same thing. I didnt need them calling Johnnie to check in and see if she was sick or something. This way would give me more time.
I shut the door tightly creeping down the hallway into the kitchen and picked up Johns keys. He would never let me get a copy of the car key, saying I only needed it once a week, so whats the point? I slipped the key to the 88 Honda Civic off the ring and slid it into the pocket of my pajama pants. I pulled the bags out of the utility closet and set them by the door. Now I just had to get Cassi.
I had to keep telling myself this is what is best for her. I couldnt raise her here, she deserved a future and there wasnt one here for her. I slung her bag over my shoulder, and gathered her in my arms. The thought of him waking up scared me more than anything ever had in my life before.
Life with Johnnie had been a fantasy at first. I was a single mom and he was my knight in shining armor, but not soon after we moved in together, his true self came out. At first it was only once in awhile, and he would always beg for me to forgive him. Said he was sorry, he wouldnt ever do it again, this time was the last time. Practically every line from every Lifetime channel movie would come out of his mouth, but he had a way of making me believe it would be the last time, and that he really didnt mean it. Eventually, when he knew I was trapped, when he had stripped every possible chance of freedom from me, he stopped apologizing. Maybe if I kept my big mouth shut he wouldnt get so angry, hed say. Maybe I shouldnt be such a smart mouthed *****. I didnt appreciate what he gave me and I had it coming. How cliché, right? It just isnt the same from the inside, though.
The final straw had been a day I never thought would come. I never once saw Johnnie yell at Cassi, let alone raise a hand to her. He came home ****ed, mumbling something about Paul deducting his paycheck for a broken tool. Cassi was playing in her room and didnt notice at first when he came home.
Did you break it? I asked, an innocent question you may think, but Johnnie had other ideas. He came near me, backing me against the fridge. As usual the whisky traveled from his mouth, its rotting stench enveloping my nostrils forcing my stomach to turn in waves.
Hell, no I didnt do you think Im stupid woman?
No, I didnt say that, I just-
You just what, huh? You just what? His spit flew at me landing in my eye
I just thought=
See, thats the whole damn problem around here, you think too damn much. If you would just stop thinking maybe I would have to hear that smart mouth of yours all the damn time He turned toward the bathroom
Yes, master I muttered under my breath. Johnnie stopped, I could see his back tighten and his fists clench.
******, Abigail, there you go again with that smart mouth of yours Instantly his hand came up and then down in a flash the back landing me square on my cheek. Id come to be pretty good at taking his hits, but he caught me off balance sending me straight to the floor.
Daddy, no! Cassi appeared in the door way pointing at Johnnie, a stern look on her face No hitting daddy, its not nice
Normally that would have been the end of it, but there was something special in Johnnies whisky that night, and he wasnt ready for it to end.
Who dya think you are his words slurred as he looked down at her
Daddys funny Cassi giggled
Dontcha be laughin at me, Im the adult here, you need to learn to respect your elders
Johnnie, leave her alone I said Shes just a baby
You shut your mouth woman I pulled myself up off the ground as he grabbed her arm, she was giggling thinking this was some funny game Daddy was playing with her.
Its bout time she learned some respect for her elders and god damniit if you wont teach her I will
Johnnie, put her down my voice trembling, raising an octave with fear. Johnnie no! I grabbed the back of his shirt, but he pushed me away, heading into the bathroom. When I heard the lock clasp shut, I shook the door, trying to pull it free. Suddenly there was a smack and then screams. My baby, my angel, my Cassi, screamed and I began to scream with her. With every smack of, what I could only guess was his belt, I screamed with her. I kicked at the door over and over, determined to break it in and finally when it began to splinter, he opened the door.
Goin out, dont wait up he muttered. Cassi lied in a heap next to the toilet, belt lashes covering her legs and bottom. She was still screaming. I pulled her into her arms, rocking her whispering over and over Im sorry baby Im sorry I cried with her, holding her and when she calmed some I began to clean her up. Almost all the hits had broken the skin. Not enough to need stitches, but little droplets of blood were drying on her legs. After laying her in bed with her favorite yellow duck and singing her to sleep, I went to the bathroom to clean my self off. As I washed my daughters blood off my hands, I looked up in the mirror.
He could beat me until hell froze over but I would be damned if my baby ever screamed like that again. First I thought about calling the police, but all they would do is put him in over night and issue a restraining order. All Johnnie would see that as is a challenge and I didnt need him to be challenged. Not only that, but theres no way we could survive on my income alone. No there was only one choice.
Im getting her out I told my reflection and the face looking back at me told me I was right.
That night had brought me to this one. The only way to save my child was to run from everything I knew. My home, my town, my family, my life. With a deep breath I headed out, locking the door behind me. Everything I could carry was with me and I piled it into the back of the rusted out vehical we called the deathtrap. With Cassi safely secure in her car seat, I shifted into neutral and rolled down the driveway and down the hill on our street. When I couldnt see the house anymore, I turned the ignition and pulled away. I never looked back. There was nothing left to see.
When I was sure he wouldnt be waking anytime soon, I slid off the bed. I had been practicing almost a month now, making it to the car and back every day that week. Every action, every thought had been planned, perfected, waiting for the day I would escape.
Crouching by the bed I reached underneath and pulled out my old tennis shoes. I pulled the socks out from under the tongue and pulled them on, being sure to double knot the laces. No way would I screw this up tripping over my own two feet. Silently, I took a deep breath and held it. I stood and took three long strides to the door, turning the knob slowly and slid out the door.
Earlier that morning I had oiled the hinges on the door. I always left for work with Cassi before John was up and, like clockwork that morning, I rose, fed Cassi and dropped her at day care. Normally I would then head to Gingham's Diner just in time for the breakfast rush, but I had told my boss that I would be taking a vacation. Visiting a sick Aunt. I told Cassis day care the same thing. I didnt need them calling Johnnie to check in and see if she was sick or something. This way would give me more time.
I shut the door tightly creeping down the hallway into the kitchen and picked up Johns keys. He would never let me get a copy of the car key, saying I only needed it once a week, so whats the point? I slipped the key to the 88 Honda Civic off the ring and slid it into the pocket of my pajama pants. I pulled the bags out of the utility closet and set them by the door. Now I just had to get Cassi.
I had to keep telling myself this is what is best for her. I couldnt raise her here, she deserved a future and there wasnt one here for her. I slung her bag over my shoulder, and gathered her in my arms. The thought of him waking up scared me more than anything ever had in my life before.
Life with Johnnie had been a fantasy at first. I was a single mom and he was my knight in shining armor, but not soon after we moved in together, his true self came out. At first it was only once in awhile, and he would always beg for me to forgive him. Said he was sorry, he wouldnt ever do it again, this time was the last time. Practically every line from every Lifetime channel movie would come out of his mouth, but he had a way of making me believe it would be the last time, and that he really didnt mean it. Eventually, when he knew I was trapped, when he had stripped every possible chance of freedom from me, he stopped apologizing. Maybe if I kept my big mouth shut he wouldnt get so angry, hed say. Maybe I shouldnt be such a smart mouthed *****. I didnt appreciate what he gave me and I had it coming. How cliché, right? It just isnt the same from the inside, though.
The final straw had been a day I never thought would come. I never once saw Johnnie yell at Cassi, let alone raise a hand to her. He came home ****ed, mumbling something about Paul deducting his paycheck for a broken tool. Cassi was playing in her room and didnt notice at first when he came home.
Did you break it? I asked, an innocent question you may think, but Johnnie had other ideas. He came near me, backing me against the fridge. As usual the whisky traveled from his mouth, its rotting stench enveloping my nostrils forcing my stomach to turn in waves.
Hell, no I didnt do you think Im stupid woman?
No, I didnt say that, I just-
You just what, huh? You just what? His spit flew at me landing in my eye
I just thought=
See, thats the whole damn problem around here, you think too damn much. If you would just stop thinking maybe I would have to hear that smart mouth of yours all the damn time He turned toward the bathroom
Yes, master I muttered under my breath. Johnnie stopped, I could see his back tighten and his fists clench.
******, Abigail, there you go again with that smart mouth of yours Instantly his hand came up and then down in a flash the back landing me square on my cheek. Id come to be pretty good at taking his hits, but he caught me off balance sending me straight to the floor.
Daddy, no! Cassi appeared in the door way pointing at Johnnie, a stern look on her face No hitting daddy, its not nice
Normally that would have been the end of it, but there was something special in Johnnies whisky that night, and he wasnt ready for it to end.
Who dya think you are his words slurred as he looked down at her
Daddys funny Cassi giggled
Dontcha be laughin at me, Im the adult here, you need to learn to respect your elders
Johnnie, leave her alone I said Shes just a baby
You shut your mouth woman I pulled myself up off the ground as he grabbed her arm, she was giggling thinking this was some funny game Daddy was playing with her.
Its bout time she learned some respect for her elders and god damniit if you wont teach her I will
Johnnie, put her down my voice trembling, raising an octave with fear. Johnnie no! I grabbed the back of his shirt, but he pushed me away, heading into the bathroom. When I heard the lock clasp shut, I shook the door, trying to pull it free. Suddenly there was a smack and then screams. My baby, my angel, my Cassi, screamed and I began to scream with her. With every smack of, what I could only guess was his belt, I screamed with her. I kicked at the door over and over, determined to break it in and finally when it began to splinter, he opened the door.
Goin out, dont wait up he muttered. Cassi lied in a heap next to the toilet, belt lashes covering her legs and bottom. She was still screaming. I pulled her into her arms, rocking her whispering over and over Im sorry baby Im sorry I cried with her, holding her and when she calmed some I began to clean her up. Almost all the hits had broken the skin. Not enough to need stitches, but little droplets of blood were drying on her legs. After laying her in bed with her favorite yellow duck and singing her to sleep, I went to the bathroom to clean my self off. As I washed my daughters blood off my hands, I looked up in the mirror.
He could beat me until hell froze over but I would be damned if my baby ever screamed like that again. First I thought about calling the police, but all they would do is put him in over night and issue a restraining order. All Johnnie would see that as is a challenge and I didnt need him to be challenged. Not only that, but theres no way we could survive on my income alone. No there was only one choice.
Im getting her out I told my reflection and the face looking back at me told me I was right.
That night had brought me to this one. The only way to save my child was to run from everything I knew. My home, my town, my family, my life. With a deep breath I headed out, locking the door behind me. Everything I could carry was with me and I piled it into the back of the rusted out vehical we called the deathtrap. With Cassi safely secure in her car seat, I shifted into neutral and rolled down the driveway and down the hill on our street. When I couldnt see the house anymore, I turned the ignition and pulled away. I never looked back. There was nothing left to see.
Is there any more? I like the plot, it is very interesting. 
