I googled my way into this forum and figured I should post for opinions as I'm a christian myself, having encountered problems courting a girl.
Just a little background. This girl is 3 years older than I am and our parents have been good friends for the longest time, but we were never close as friends as it is, simply due to our age difference growing up. But one thing I remembered vividly, was finding her incredibly pretty and I could never act myself around her, largely due to being infatuated perhaps. But I always dispeled any possibility because I was a teenager then and we didn't spend that much time together. Also pursuing an older girl was the last thing on my mind during those days. Both of us are adverse to getting into relationships simply for the sake of being in one, many people fall into this trap, but between the two of us, she has never been in a relationship afaik. I had a short stint in high school that wasn't considered 'serious' in any way or form.
Fast forward to present day, I'm now 24 and she's 27. Needless to say, I've matured a great deal since our families became friends. I've completed my degree, served in the military and begun my career as a professional accountant and that age gap is beginning to blur. We are both in the same cell group and we share plenty of mutual friends (who btw are supportive of the two of us being together) I honestly feel we're on the same level spiritually. I always knew our age difference was gonna be problem, moreso to her than me, since most women love having a sense of security being with an older guy and it's something I knew I was unable to provide her. Be that as it may, I've never felt so strongly about someone before, she was smart, attractive and we shared the same ideals and believes. I offered her a lift (along with a couple other female friends) to an engagement party once, and during the brief alone time we had in the car, she did share with me a couple intimate stories and I read it as a signal that she too might be interested. So I took the courage and asked her out to a date anyway, to which she said yes, but lo and behold, I was told on the day itself she wasn't interested and she saw me in the same light as her younger sister's boyfriend (which was equally as heartbreaking as a 'brother'). She wasn't even willing to give us a go not because she thought we were incompatible (in her words, she said I met all her criteria for a bf) was afraid it might cause complications between our families and it's hard to 'trial' a relationship with all things considered. And inevitably, the age and different stages in life issue was brought up.
I walked away that night in utter disappointment, afterall, she kept me hopeful for a week before breaking the news to me as she thought it was too cruel to do it over the phone or via text and we saw each other too often for it to go down any other way than face to face. I respect her for breaking it to me the way she did, but that night after sobering up from all that thinking, I realised I didn't care for what remaining pride or self-esteem I had left from the rejection, but the fact that I would never be with her.
After all that's said and done, I'm an integral part of my cell group and moving to another cell wasn't really an option, she offered to leave but that wasn't fair to her and I convinced her that its business as usual and I'll eventually pick up the pieces and get over it. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and it's easy for someone to misinteprete how I truly feel on any given day.
It's becoming clear to me that she really treasures my friendship with her, I don't understand why that maybe. I would still see her in church and cell every week alongside family functions. It's difficult to get over someone you really like if you see her so often. I've done a couple of nice things for her during her birthday without coming on to strong, and while she did vehemently reject it, I reassured her it was a friendly gesture and it wasn't anything expensive, just a box of her fav. dessert.
I'm now taking it as slowly as I can yet persistently demonstrating to her I can be a shoulder to lean on and a reliable person to depend on without being officially her boyfriend as she seems really adverse to that idea. I'll do my best to be a closer friend than I ever have without harbouring any hope that we'll ever be together. But I honestly wonder if I can bear seeing her with another guy or if it's even healthy for me to be waiting so fervently on her. At this juncture, I feel like I would be able to do it, but what do you guys think? I should saddle up my bags and move on? She doesn't seem the type who would fall heads over heels in love with someone on first sight, and effort seems to be valued the most in her eyes I would think.
For those who managed to read through the entire wall of text, I appreciate your time and any honest input you are about to give. Should I continue to be persistent or should I simply move on?
Just a little background. This girl is 3 years older than I am and our parents have been good friends for the longest time, but we were never close as friends as it is, simply due to our age difference growing up. But one thing I remembered vividly, was finding her incredibly pretty and I could never act myself around her, largely due to being infatuated perhaps. But I always dispeled any possibility because I was a teenager then and we didn't spend that much time together. Also pursuing an older girl was the last thing on my mind during those days. Both of us are adverse to getting into relationships simply for the sake of being in one, many people fall into this trap, but between the two of us, she has never been in a relationship afaik. I had a short stint in high school that wasn't considered 'serious' in any way or form.
Fast forward to present day, I'm now 24 and she's 27. Needless to say, I've matured a great deal since our families became friends. I've completed my degree, served in the military and begun my career as a professional accountant and that age gap is beginning to blur. We are both in the same cell group and we share plenty of mutual friends (who btw are supportive of the two of us being together) I honestly feel we're on the same level spiritually. I always knew our age difference was gonna be problem, moreso to her than me, since most women love having a sense of security being with an older guy and it's something I knew I was unable to provide her. Be that as it may, I've never felt so strongly about someone before, she was smart, attractive and we shared the same ideals and believes. I offered her a lift (along with a couple other female friends) to an engagement party once, and during the brief alone time we had in the car, she did share with me a couple intimate stories and I read it as a signal that she too might be interested. So I took the courage and asked her out to a date anyway, to which she said yes, but lo and behold, I was told on the day itself she wasn't interested and she saw me in the same light as her younger sister's boyfriend (which was equally as heartbreaking as a 'brother'). She wasn't even willing to give us a go not because she thought we were incompatible (in her words, she said I met all her criteria for a bf) was afraid it might cause complications between our families and it's hard to 'trial' a relationship with all things considered. And inevitably, the age and different stages in life issue was brought up.
I walked away that night in utter disappointment, afterall, she kept me hopeful for a week before breaking the news to me as she thought it was too cruel to do it over the phone or via text and we saw each other too often for it to go down any other way than face to face. I respect her for breaking it to me the way she did, but that night after sobering up from all that thinking, I realised I didn't care for what remaining pride or self-esteem I had left from the rejection, but the fact that I would never be with her.
After all that's said and done, I'm an integral part of my cell group and moving to another cell wasn't really an option, she offered to leave but that wasn't fair to her and I convinced her that its business as usual and I'll eventually pick up the pieces and get over it. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and it's easy for someone to misinteprete how I truly feel on any given day.
It's becoming clear to me that she really treasures my friendship with her, I don't understand why that maybe. I would still see her in church and cell every week alongside family functions. It's difficult to get over someone you really like if you see her so often. I've done a couple of nice things for her during her birthday without coming on to strong, and while she did vehemently reject it, I reassured her it was a friendly gesture and it wasn't anything expensive, just a box of her fav. dessert.
I'm now taking it as slowly as I can yet persistently demonstrating to her I can be a shoulder to lean on and a reliable person to depend on without being officially her boyfriend as she seems really adverse to that idea. I'll do my best to be a closer friend than I ever have without harbouring any hope that we'll ever be together. But I honestly wonder if I can bear seeing her with another guy or if it's even healthy for me to be waiting so fervently on her. At this juncture, I feel like I would be able to do it, but what do you guys think? I should saddle up my bags and move on? She doesn't seem the type who would fall heads over heels in love with someone on first sight, and effort seems to be valued the most in her eyes I would think.
For those who managed to read through the entire wall of text, I appreciate your time and any honest input you are about to give. Should I continue to be persistent or should I simply move on?
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