Tired of being the bad guy

[SearcherKris]

I'm the single mom of two boys. Their dad does not get them as much as he could, and when he does its all fun with no boundries. The older one LOVES going to visit his dad, the younger would probably be happy to not see him again. The older one wants lots of fun and freedom. The younger one wants every single thing to be the same every single day, and just be at home undisturbed doing what he wants to do.

I'm the one who has the rules, the chores, and deals with bad attitudes and boundry busting on a daily basis. I work, and clean, and cook, and get ragged on by my ten year old because I don't do enough with him.

I catch the brunt of the bad attitudes from the kids and the arguing. When I want them to brush their teeth, pick up their things, tell them no they can't watch something, or they are not getting to buy something, from their perspective I'm unfair, unreasonable, and mean.

Since their father is not involved in raising them with the exception of entertaining him when he feels like it is convient, I am the only disciplining parent. There is no one to share that burden with. I get so tired.

I just wish I could have a break from being the only heavy hand and that I could have some fun with them.

 

[shaaz_99]

hi Searcherkris xxx
Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate ! am Glad for you the kids Father sees them and is involved, but it does come with its own challenges . Think at some stage every child thinks their parent is unreasonable and no fun.....think back to when you were small you probably did also ! especially when they were in discipline mode ! xxx But its necessary and a price we pay i believe when this is our call. I have four Children and ive been alone for 6 years.....i cannot tell you how many times ive wished i didnt have to be the one laying down the rules all the time and dealing with tantrums lol....i try and balance it out.....like having a family night once a week and scheduling time for the silliness. Its very hard when you are working and so tired but even a wee bit of time helps the realationship and shows them we are into spending quality time with them ....its amazing how kids love that !! xxxx
As for not being the "fun " one...... as they get older they will appreciate that you were constantly looking out for them and laying down the rules. Kids need boundries and they thrive in them....though it can be frustrating when all we seem to get is grief for them !!!
Most of all God helps us in our Role xx He can provide wisdom and comfort , especially when it comes to the tricky stuff . Thank God for that !!!! xx

Wish you and your family a very Blessed Christmas xxx
Shaaz

 

[SearcherKris]

Hi.

Thanks for responding. I posted that over a year ago, and you are the only one!

Things have not really changed, but I don't feel as bad about most of the time. If I have to be the only anchor for them, then so be it. An anchor is what they need.

One thing that has helped me is reading a book called, "Single Parenting that Works" by Kevin Leman. It was a God-send. When I get really down I remember something I learned from it. This woman pushed her kids real hard in their education. Someone criticized her for it, and told her that her kids would hate her. She said, "That's OK. They can hate me, but they will have an education."

So, anytime I'm upset over my kids not liking what is going on here in our home, I say, "That's OK. They can hate me, but they will..."

My pastor also helps me out a lot. He says that he does not care if his kids are happy, he cares if they are OK and if they are living right. Happiness is fleeting, and not something that people can count on. Living well is what matters.

At this point, as far as my feelings are concerned, the important thing is to overlook how I feel, and push for what I know is the right thing for the kids. They need what they need, not necessarily what will make them happy.

Now, this does not mean that I am no fun at all. I do fun things for my kids. I try to get them things that they want, within reason. However, the focus cannot be on making them happy. The focus has to be on what is needed.

 

[homeofmew]

Er. I hope the older one understands that if he lived with his dad most of the time that he would have to do chores there too and visiting you would be the freedom/ spoiled.

make him get on the computer and read this post maybe then he'll get it I don't know.