Tinge of Guilt

[HighLonesome]

I had the carpenters over today to give me an estimate on re-doing the deck in the back yard. Sunshine & I had drawn up a plan but I am going with a more simplier approach. The trouble is that I feel a little guilty not following through with our original plan and also that she won't be here to enjoy it. I know life has to go on and I have to start making my own plans; but this is the first time I've had any real guilt about what I am doing. Has anybody else experienced these feelings?

 

[Missinyou]

Everyday, HighLonesome.

 

[JeanR]

We had an old garage that was leaning. Terry kept saying that it was sturdy and refused to tear it down. I used to tell him that if he died, the first thing that I would do is tear down the garage. Well, needless to say, Terry died and I tore down the garage. We had a difficult time taking it down because it, apparently, was sturdy. That night I woke up in the middle of the night crying because he died and I tore down the garage.

Highlonesome, if you want to go with a simpler plan, than that is what you should do. You have to make decisions that are best for you now. It is so difficult making the transition from married to single. I still can't think of myself as single yet.

The verse that has helped me through this is from proverbs, "Be Still, and know that I am God...". When I encounter all these "firsts" and "finals" that is where I go, right to my Lord.

We are here for you, Highlonesome.

Jean

 

[Missinyou]

Speaking of unscheduled plans...if anyone was I had an interesting thing happen to me today...although unwanted. I was walking downtown to pick up the mail for the church and suddenly I started crying...right out in public, on the sidewalk... It took a lot of effort but I got the tears undercontrol before anyone noticed. Besides it was a little cool so I could have always blamed it on the cold air. But the whole thing caught me quite by surprise.... I had a pretty bad day yesterday and since I was on the verge of breakdown, I guess I must have seen some little thing that lit the fuse. Has anyone experienced this or do I have a first here??? Not a claim to fame I want to have, I can tell you that. Still am not feeling completely under control like I have been for the last few weeks, but better than yesterday. Is this public humiliation part of the healing process??? If so, I don't think I like it.

 

[Missinyou]

We had an old garage that was leaning. Terry kept saying that it was sturdy and refused to tear it down. I used to tell him that if he died, the first thing that I would do is tear down the garage. Well, needless to say, Terry died and I tore down the garage. We had a difficult time taking it down because it, apparently, was sturdy. That night I woke up in the middle of the night crying because he died and I tore down the garage.

Highlonesome, if you want to go with a simpler plan, than that is what you should do. You have to make decisions that are best for you now. It is so difficult making the transition from married to single. I still can't think of myself as single yet.

The verse that has helped me through this is from proverbs, "Be Still, and know that I am God...". When I encounter all these "firsts" and "finals" that is where I go, right to my Lord.

We are here for you, Highlonesome.

Jean

JeanR. It's funny but my wife and I had one of those "stand offs" too. We have a large pine tree by the driveway which she loved, and I have my own english walnut tree by the family room window...and they were a constant cause of threats.... lol I said the walnut would come down when the pine came down... And I also told her that she had better not die because if she did, the safety of her pine tree would be questionable. But....like your Terry, she did die, and i have looked at that pine tree hanging over the driveway, and, you know... I don't have the desire to take it down now. We planted it the first year we moved in here and I still remember that. It was so small and cute... Now it's big and I could easily sell it for a sawlog..or at least fire wood. Perhaps I will take down the walnut instead... :-(

 

[JeanR]

I often break down in tears for no apparent reason. I don't know if this really matters or not, but being a woman, I think people expect it. Kind of goes back to the days where men don't cry. But, men need to cry, too. Terry was one of those men who didn't cry, so he said--but there were times he did. He cried when his grandmother died, when my mom and dad died, and even when our 15 year old cat died last May. That one took me by surprise because he and the cat really had a love/hate relationship. Basically, Terry hated the cat and she wouldn't leave him alone! So, cry if you need to and don't feel bad about it!

I never really felt bad about tearing down the garage because it was such an eyesore and it was leaning. But, I did feel bad that what I always told him about tearing it down if he died, came to be.

I don't think you should do anything with either tree just yet. One thing I know is that every time I think I should do something, I end up changing my mind. If you take down either tree right now, you may end up wishing you hadn't. I'd wait until the end of the summer to make a decision. Just my two cents for what it is worth!

 

[Missinyou]

JeanR, I will probably not cut down either tree, and just carry on the battle in my mind... LOL I think of her every day when I look at that pine tree... Sometimes I smile...sometimes I cry. One day my brother and I cut some branches out of it and then I held my breath till she came home...and for several days, while she never said a word...and she finally won... I asked her about the tree and she named the day I did the trimming... And then she gave me that sideways look and smiled...and both of us knew she had one that round... LOL
Guys are just so ill equipped to do battle that involves patience...

Got to get some sleep now....
Hard night at the office....

 

[JeanR]

Ok, not only in four months did the toilet break, I tore down the garage, replaced the dishwasher, the refrigerator died and had to be replaced, the pipes froze, had to dig out of an ice storm, now the hot water heater went and the pipes have refrozen!!!!!

I'm going away tomorrow. I don't know where, but I just can't stay in this house. We were planning on going to Charleston for our anniversary and I know that I just can't drive that far by myself. But, Monday is our anniversary and I just have to go somewhere. So, please pray for safety and that I just get through Monday. I just might get past my fear of flying and go to the airport.

 

[Missinyou]

Ok, not only in four months did the toilet break, I tore down the garage, replaced the dishwasher, the refrigerator died and had to be replaced, the pipes froze, had to dig out of an ice storm, now the hot water heater went and the pipes have refrozen!!!!!

I'm going away tomorrow. I don't know where, but I just can't stay in this house. We were planning on going to Charleston for our anniversary and I know that I just can't drive that far by myself. But, Monday is our anniversary and I just have to go somewhere. So, please pray for safety and that I just get through Monday. I just might get past my fear of flying and go to the airport.

Jean,
My prayers are with you... I know how hard this is going to be for you... I went through our 31st anniversary in October and it was one of the toughest hurdles so far...but Christmas was pushing a close second.... I have her birthday coming up the 3rd of March...and I'm sure that's going to be another hurdle....

My heart goes out to you Jean. I wish there was something I could do or say that would ease your pain, but at this moment, I have nothing... All we can do is let you know that we are feeling it too. You aren't alone in this...

I will think of you on Monday, and pray for God to give you some comfort in your grief....to lay His hand on your shoulder and let you know that everything will be okay.

May God bless you Jean, and send some sunshine to your world.

 

[carolmarie]

I have a shed in the backyard that was damaged by a hurricane a couple of years ago. I was after my husband to tear it down. He refused, saying that he would fix it. Well, he never got a chance to fix it and now I don't have the heart to tear it down. I think it would be more expensive to fix than tear down. I just can't do anything with it.

 

[ContentInHim]

Ok, not only in four months did the toilet break, I tore down the garage, replaced the dishwasher, the refrigerator died and had to be replaced, the pipes froze, had to dig out of an ice storm, now the hot water heater went and the pipes have refrozen!!!!!

I'm going away tomorrow. I don't know where, but I just can't stay in this house. We were planning on going to Charleston for our anniversary and I know that I just can't drive that far by myself. But, Monday is our anniversary and I just have to go somewhere. So, please pray for safety and that I just get through Monday. I just might get past my fear of flying and go to the airport.

I've cried and chuckled reading all the posts in this thread. Jean, I will pray for you also for your anniversary. Shortly will be the 6th anniversary of my husband's death. It feels like yesterday - time has passed so quickly. But I told him that if he died I was going to send all his stuff (broken antiques, parts, boxes of junque, etc) to auction. He died, I had to sell the house, and lo and behold I sent the stuff to auction.

I moved to our small house in Florida and at first I didn't change a thing, but then I found that my heart couldn't stand it. So gradually I've changed the house into my home so that I can even return at the end of the day to a house without him. His scruffy much-loved furniture is gone (well, except for his recliner which was in pretty good shape! ), I have a new kitchen, paint, curtains, bed, all the superficial stuff. And I have photos and memories instead!

But I've never washed or thrown out his old blue plaid flannel shirt. Some days I think I can still smell him!

HighLonesome - it does get better, but be prepared for the odd bout of tears in the most embarrassing situations. You are missing her in your day to day life in a way you probably never imagined. But just think - we will all be together again!

 

[Missinyou]

Welcome ContentInHim,
I am glad to see you have found someone new to help you through the bad times. At least you show you are married. We are all going through the waves and I, myself, am slowly getting things changed around.... I still have her piano and keyboard setting in the living and family rooms...and they are a constant reminder of her presence...but then so is the picture setting right in front of the piano....
God is with you always and I pray that He helps you through each day.

 

[ContentInHim]

Welcome ContentInHim,
I am glad to see you have found someone new to help you through the bad times. At least you show you are married. We are all going through the waves and I, myself, am slowly getting things changed around.... I still have her piano and keyboard setting in the living and family rooms...and they are a constant reminder of her presence...but then so is the picture setting right in front of the piano....
God is with you always and I pray that He helps you through each day.

LOL, thanks for the welcome, Missinyou. You could say that I found another and we are married - I found Jesus and am married to him!

I put down married because I don't consider myself single - at least not in the sense of looking for someone new! And there was no widowed/widower category. Hmmm.

I agree that God is always with me. And that's a good thing!

 

[Missinyou]

Okay..... Just an assumption..... And yes, I think they should have the Widowed or Widoer catagory...instead of jsut married or single.... Anyway you picked a good one to be married to....

 

[HighLonesome]

I've cried and chuckled reading all the posts in this thread. Jean, I will pray for you also for your anniversary. Shortly will be the 6th anniversary of my husband's death. It feels like yesterday - time has passed so quickly. But I told him that if he died I was going to send all his stuff (broken antiques, parts, boxes of junque, etc) to auction. He died, I had to sell the house, and lo and behold I sent the stuff to auction.

I moved to our small house in Florida and at first I didn't change a thing, but then I found that my heart couldn't stand it. So gradually I've changed the house into my home so that I can even return at the end of the day to a house without him. His scruffy much-loved furniture is gone (well, except for his recliner which was in pretty good shape! ), I have a new kitchen, paint, curtains, bed, all the superficial stuff. And I have photos and memories instead!

But I've never washed or thrown out his old blue plaid flannel shirt. Some days I think I can still smell him!

HighLonesome - it does get better, but be prepared for the odd bout of tears in the most embarrassing situations. You are missing her in your day to day life in a way you probably never imagined. But just think - we will all be together again!

ContentInHim:
I told someone the other day that as time moves away from her on the one hand, I move closer to being reunited with her in our Father's heavenly kindom on the other. In this we can Rejoice!

 

[ContentInHim]

ContentInHim:
I told someone the other day that as time moves away from her on the one hand, I move closer to being reunited with her in our Father's heavenly kindom on the other. In this we can Rejoice!

So, so true! And this is not to close our eyes to the possibility of a future loving spouse - just that we will leave that possibility in God's hands where it belongs.

My brother said to me (and I was NOT saved yet - sadly it took the death of my husband to drive me into Jesus' arms ), "Since a thousand years is as a day and a day is as a thousand years, it will feel like a thousand years to you before you see your husband again, but he will turn around after a few minutes in heaven and there you'll be". Nearly made my head explode at the time but a great comfort to me now!

 

[ContentInHim]

Okay..... Just an assumption..... And yes, I think they should have the Widowed or Widoer catagory...instead of jsut married or single.... Anyway you picked a good one to be married to....

No offense taken, friend.