Timing...when is it time to start dating

[hasnoname]

So I have posted in some areas about this girl who is i guess a crush...but really more as we both know that we like each other a whole lot and talk all the time...I was hung up a couple weeks ago about the age...but that has definitely disappeared. Now I find myself in that always crazy infatuation stage. I have been here before...but it seems different now...even different from the 2 year relationship I had. She is exactly like me...it is so weird...but totally awesome. Im at that point where they are on your mind all the time...well...a whole lot more than anyone else is.

How do I know when it is right to start dating? She starts school this week...I move into my APT. at my college and yeah...summer is over. No more talks till 4 in the morning...etc. Should I wait until things settle in or should I plan to ask her on a date soon? Should I wait until the infatuation passes (although from experience it doesnt pass until you are well deep into a long term relationship or at the end of a short relationship)? Just looking for advise.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Depends. How old is she?

 

[hasnoname]

she is almost 17

 

[KristianJ]

If I was in your situation, I'd be more inclined to perhaps give her and you time to settle into your individual surroundings, whilst still maintaining your friendship. You'll still be able to talk, and if you feel like it could be appropriate, consider talking about where you think your friendship could head. I've experienced different things with infatuation - and in my current relationship there's never been a point where my feelings for my g/f have reached an infatuative/"can't get her out of my mind" level. But if it's just a crush (even a mutual one), it's something that you should pray about before making any sort of move. Well, prayer would be advisable no matter what the feelings were, actually

I remember there was a fabulous thread posted here some time last year about infatuation...but I don't know how far back it would be in the threads here in Courting Couples.

 

[hasnoname]

I know it is still infatuation...but I dont think of her that often...just when I have time on my hands. Great advise too...that is what I have been inclined to do...but I just want to have an excuse to justify the hours we talk and the hours we hang out. Which is a stupid reason...but I know that is why I am feeling like I need to start it soon. But I know it is best to wait and settle in...if it is meant to last...there is no pain in waiting...it will just make it better when we do start dating.

 

[KristianJ]

I know it is still infatuation...but I dont think of her that often...just when I have time on my hands. Great advise too...that is what I have been inclined to do...but I just want to have an excuse to justify the hours we talk and the hours we hang out. Which is a stupid reason...but I know that is why I am feeling like I need to start it soon. But I know it is best to wait and settle in...if it is meant to last...there is no pain in waiting...it will just make it better when we do start dating.

It's not a stupid reason - the time that you do talk helps you both reinforce what you know of each other. The only time it can be dangerous is if it impedes with time that you should be spending with God or other people in your life. I spent heaps of time on MSN Messenger with my g/f before we started going out, and it was a very helpful time to find out about her, hr family, her church life and stuff like that

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Pray, ask God what he would have you do. Don't put pressure on the girl to start dating right now. She may be more comfortable waiting, but if you ask her out she may think "I like this guy, and if I don't say yes, then he may not ask me out again"Talk with her about it.Communication is a good thing, and also a very important thing. So pray and talk to her

 

[invisiblebabe]

Sounds to me like you guys are already dating in a way, so why not just call it what it is?

Her age doesn't seem to be a problem. A year and a half difference isn't much, and she is almost 17 so she is old enough to date.

As far as talking/spending time with her... you guys are friends, interested in each other, and you get along. Why would you need to justify it?

You also can't say for sure it is only infatuation. If/when the time comes you have to sacrifice something for her, and you do it... then you will know it is more than infatuation. I think a lot of Christians believe that real love isn't possible for two people at a young age, and I disagree...

 

[hasnoname]

Thanks for the post...you're right...there is no reason to justify it.

 

[f U z ! o N]

real love is when you sacrifice something as invisiblebabe said. i have sacrificed some stuff for my awesome girlfriend and im past the infatuation stage

 

[Leanna]

What is so horrible about infatuation? When will we come to the realization that that is how all relationships start? I don't know when Christians got obsessed with infatuation being such a bad thing, the truth is its the beginning to each relationship and is perfectly healthy. Its not like one day we just wake up and go from "oh she's a nice friend" to "I love her!!!" without something in between. That something in between is infatuation. There is no reason for you to be in love with her right now, if you like her then you should date her. Don't let her consume you, maintain your identity. Don't get involved and wrapped up in the physical. That way if you date for a while and infatuation does not turn into love neither of you are too hurt. Protect your heart as well as hers. How do they say it.... Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

 

[hasnoname]

I wasnt saying it is bad...just can drive you nuts sometimes. I realize that it is normal and must happen. I was just asking about timing. With school starting I agree it would not be wise to date until a couple weeks from now...just so that we are adjusted.

 

[Inperfected]

Um, might have already said this... but how long have you known each other.

 

[hasnoname]

We have known each other for a year...but have really talked a lot for a month...meaning at least an hour at a time several times a week.

 

[Inperfected]

At 17 and 18, thats too short a time being close friends to go further... in my personal opinion...

Eariler this year i tried that and it got messier and messier until we both had to just say no... I kno you may believe you know each other, but honestly, there is no substitute for reasonable friendship for a reasonable period of time... 6 months + i would personally suggest.

I don't say this to be a spoilsport, or even to sound righteous or "holy" but i've been there, many a time. I've seen the hurt from not knowing someone well enough. Fair enough it can work in some cases, but not in all. Give yourselves time to know each other, and talk to older christians about it..

Rushing it could wreak somethign beautiful.

And a little piece of wisdom from a situation i was in with my "now" fiance. Waiting doesn't hurt, he waited 3 years nearly before i said yes. Infact he met me at 15 and by patient, and not so patient waiting, at 19, he's got me as his future wife.
It's so incrediable for me to know he waited.

 

[LynzLovedByCHRIST]

At 17 and 18, thats too short a time being close friends to go further... in my personal opinion...

Eariler this year i tried that and it got messier and messier until we both had to just say no... I kno you may believe you know each other, but honestly, there is no substitute for reasonable friendship for a reasonable period of time... 6 months + i would personally suggest.

I don't say this to be a spoilsport, or even to sound righteous or "holy" but i've been there, many a time. I've seen the hurt from not knowing someone well enough. Fair enough it can work in some cases, but not in all. Give yourselves time to know each other, and talk to older christians about it..

Rushing it could wreak somethign beautiful.

And a little piece of wisdom from a situation i was in with my "now" fiance. Waiting doesn't hurt, he waited 3 years nearly before i said yes. Infact he met me at 15 and by patient, and not so patient waiting, at 19, he's got me as his future wife.
It's so incrediable for me to know he waited.

He waited for you to say yes to his proposal...or to date? Or what? Sorry, I'm confused.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm sorry wasn't clear on that... he waited nearly 3 years for me to say yes to dating and just over 3 for me to say yes to his proposal