Time to check in

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Ok guys, it's been WAAAAAY too quiet. How's everyone doing?

For us it's going ok. School has started back and my new job with the school system is working out wonderfully. The hours are exactly what we all needed. I find myself getting envolved with the kids activities more and more and it seems we are starting the next chaper(s) of our lives. She is and will always be with us, we know that, but I think we're starting to get back on the road of life. Our church family has been outstanding and we've all gotten envolved in some really good mision work with our church. God heals in time and I've been healed so much by helping others.

What do you say we hear some updates from you guys?

 

[c1ners]

This month hasn't been very easy. August 14th was the anniversarry of our accident that took my husbands life. With that day come all the nightmares of the events that happened. I'll get through this month. I always do, but I sure do wish that August could be taken off the calendar.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

c1ners- I can imagine. I will hit my first anniversary in January and I know it will be a strange day. Hang in there! After every rain, or in our case a hurricane, there's sun shiny days. Just try to enjoy the little bits of sunshine we can see.

 

[Manna]

Sorry I'm late... =)

Things are going well here. August 16th was our wedding anniversary, and it was a mostly pleasant day. I realized that I had a decision to make. I could mope around and DECIDE to be depressed, or I could celebrate the day by myself. =) I chose to celebrate!!

New news -- I'm now a preschool teacher!! God dropped the job in my lap without me even raising a finger! I was sitting at home drinking a cup of coffee, and the preschool called ME to see if I would be interested in coming into the job, no interview necessary! How cool!! My daughter will be in the class just down the hall with a wonderful woman. I would appreciate any prayers in that area; for me to do the job that God wants me to in my class and that Breanna will be protected and loved to the extreme in hers! =)

 

[c1ners]

Sorry I'm late... =)

Things are going well here. August 16th was our wedding anniversary, and it was a mostly pleasant day. I realized that I had a decision to make. I could mope around and DECIDE to be depressed, or I could celebrate the day by myself. =) I chose to celebrate!!

New news -- I'm now a preschool teacher!! God dropped the job in my lap without me even raising a finger! I was sitting at home drinking a cup of coffee, and the preschool called ME to see if I would be interested in coming into the job, no interview necessary! How cool!! My daughter will be in the class just down the hall with a wonderful woman. I would appreciate any prayers in that area; for me to do the job that God wants me to in my class and that Breanna will be protected and loved to the extreme in hers! =)

Praying for you. I'm glad everything is going so well. God is good.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Manna- Great news. Congrats! With my new job in our school system, I see many teachers who have devoted their careers/lives to teaching our future generations. You're efforts will be multiplied over and over. I'm praying for you! God Bless!

 

[Manna]

Bump....

Anyone have plans this weekend?

 

[Hisbygrace]

It is so good to hear that God is working in all your lives. He has His way of healing us after a short while. C1ners, holidays and anniversaries are hard times, but we do get through them and they do get easier with time....

 

[smiledaily]

Hello everyone, where's everyone at?

 

[cajunhillbilly]

Would like to introduce myself. I am cajunhillbilly. My wife died 11 1/2 months ago. I have been coping as best that I could and seem to have gotten past the worst of the grief. But it is still there and colors my whole life to some extent. I can have moments of joy in the Lord, and still feel the loss at the same time. The greatest problem now is the sheer loneliness of my wife being gone. There are times that I feel the church just does not care. Most people will say "Sorry about your loss" etc. But do they invite me over for a visit? Do they call on the phone? Do they include me in their activities? Nope. I know that most people do not think about that. They mean well. But I sure would like to have friends in Christ that would include me in their lives. Esp. at this time of the year. Yesterday was my wife's birthday. This is the first time she was not here on her birthday. Boy was I bummed out. Then her first anniversary of her death is coming up on Nov 4. That bums me out too. But I know Christ will get me through. He has done so thus far and will continue to sustain me. Just thought I would share this with others who might understand what I am going through. Oh, I am 53. My wife was 54 when she died.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

One more thing. Please pray for my ex-daughter-in-law. She has a medical condition where her blood clots on her and has to take a blood thinner in order to survive. The medicine she takes costs $6000/month. She was on medicaide, but yesterday she found out for some reason, the medicaide will not pay for it. She cannot afford it. She is going to get a friend of hers that works for medicaide to look into it and get it all sorted out. Please pray that God sovereingly overrides the bureaugatic (sp) nonsense of the medicaide dept. (My stepson divorced her, that is why she is ex-daughter in law. But I think of her as the daughter I never had. Plus she is the mother of 2 of my grandkids. She will always be family).

 

[cajunhillbilly]

Just got an email from my daughter. They reinstated her medicaid so she can get her medicine. Wow. That was fast. The US government tends to move slower than a 7 year itch.

 

[smiledaily]

Hello cajunhillbilly, I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. I'm so glad your daughter will be able to have her medicine now. She's a lucky woman to have you think of her as your daughter and as family. Hug for you.

I'm a widow, I have marked single on my profile, because I have let go of the pain and with the help of Jesus Christ am moving on with my life. It has been almost five years since he went home. Time has helped greatly, and my children have moved on too.

I'm so glad your here on this site, it's nice to meet you. Your last post about the 7 year itch had me laughing, glad to see you say what you want and you have a sense of humor too. It helps in life. Keep smiling and laughing every chance you can. I'm praying for you tonight. God bless you.

 

[pauldst]

Just got an email from my daughter. They reinstated her medicaid so she can get her medicine. Wow. That was fast. The US government tends to move slower than a 7 year itch.

Cajunhillbilly, I am glad to hear this. I saw the earlier post and said a prayer, myself.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

Thank you all for your prayers. And you have to maintain a sense of humor. I think God has one.

 

[Pilgrim1951]

Would like to introduce myself. I am cajunhillbilly. My wife died 11 1/2 months ago. I have been coping as best that I could and seem to have gotten past the worst of the grief. But it is still there and colors my whole life to some extent. I can have moments of joy in the Lord, and still feel the loss at the same time. The greatest problem now is the sheer loneliness of my wife being gone. There are times that I feel the church just does not care. Most people will say "Sorry about your loss" etc. But do they invite me over for a visit? Do they call on the phone? Do they include me in their activities? Nope. I know that most people do not think about that. They mean well. But I sure would like to have friends in Christ that would include me in their lives. Esp. at this time of the year. Yesterday was my wife's birthday. This is the first time she was not here on her birthday. Boy was I bummed out. Then her first anniversary of her death is coming up on Nov 4. That bums me out too. But I know Christ will get me through. He has done so thus far and will continue to sustain me. Just thought I would share this with others who might understand what I am going through. Oh, I am 53. My wife was 54 when she died.

Cajun, I have found the same to be true regarding people, even those at my wonderful church. There was so much I had to take care of the first few months after my husband died, that grieving was pushed to the background I guess. I don't think I really started grieving until about the 4th month. Or maybe it just changed gears, if that makes any sense. Everyone is so sympathetic in the beginning. But I think there are really a lot of people who think you should be getting "over it"
by about the 6th month! I was married to my husband 28 1/2 years. Even though our marriage was not the best, he and I were together a long time. I loved him and he loved me in his own way. We have a lot of history. I still think part of the reason that people don't understand, is that they don't want to think about something like this happening in their lives. I never realized that grief would be so complicated. And if I am confused by it, and I am telling myself to "get on with your life", I guess I can't expect others to understand it either. Of course, I have told myself that sometimes because there is the mistaken belief that if I would just get on with my life, I wouldn't hurt anymore. Childish, huh? The truth is we have to go through the grieving, no matter what form(s) that takes. One of the most disturbing to me is the sudden tears that can come up for the oddest reasons, or sometimes for what seems like no reason at all, and many times at work or in public. During times of stress, my emotions are out of proportion and definitely out there on my sleeve. I hate that. God knows that I hate it. Sometimes he shelters me from it, sometimes I'm right out there vulnerable to people. What a journey this is. I think the paradox of feeling the loss and still feeling joy in the Lord is one of the most precious gifts the Lord has given me. I know that makes no sense at all, but then, God's ways confound us many times, don't they.

Cajun, (I hope you don't mind me shortening your name), you are getting ready to go into your 2nd year. I am just in the second half of my 1st, but we can still identify with each other. Maybe someone should write a book "Understanding Others' Grieving". lol
You're in my prayers. Pilgrim

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Cajunhillbilly,
I have found that this process is much of a roller coaster ride, but in those times when we are in the valley is when God reaches so deep into our heart. I've learned that's when our spiritual muscle is increased. Rejoice in each day, in each of the many blessings that God has given you, in your family members and in your church family. Always remember that He is always in control and your journey has a purpose.

 

[pauldst]

It is for this area of the forum that I joined CF. I was wanting to communicate with others that had gone through this. (I have jumped into other things, too, though ) I am glad to meet y'all.

My wife, Cheryl, died a little after 1 am Oct. 9th at home. When she died, I couldn't believe it (it still is not very real to me). Even though she was sick, had colon cancer, we believed that she would make it through. So many people were praying for her and believing with us. The Dr. had said he could see very encouraging improvement. She was very weak, though. She died in my arms as I was trying to help her with something. I didn't even realize that she was gone at first. The ambulance was on the way, but I hadn't thought that her condition was that serious, so I had not called 911. She had come home from the hospital on Wed. and did NOT want to go back, and so I hestitated even more before call for help. (I am leaving out some details for brevity.)
All that I could hear God saying to me was "to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." At the hospital, I prayed over her until dawn to be raised up, my father with me most of that, and five others from church for a large chunk of it. Nothing. We were so sure that it was not her time. But then the others started feel that she did not want to come back, that now she was free and with her Lord, that it was time to let her go.

I called a friend in Oklahoma that I trust. Without telling her what had happened I aked her to seek the Lord and tell me what He said to her. When we talked again a bit later, all she could say was "to stand on what you know," and to "let God be God." I told her Cheryl had died and she told me something else now made sense. Before she and I had talked the first time, her Pastor's wife had called out of the blue asking if she could give my phone number to a pastor friend of hers who had lost his wife. This other woman had gotten well from her cancer, but then suddenly died. The man had believed for her to be raised up and she was not. He had a hard time but is now remarried and has an even greater ministry than before. This is when I started to rethink things. I had thought that by standing Cheryl would be brought back, but instead it seemed that God was saying to keep standing anyway.

But, we thought, there were promises! Promises to preach and to teach, that others would come for healing, that we would prosper. On Wed. I talked with both our Open Bible regional superintendant and with the pastor of the local International House of Prayer. Both men spoke to me of Hebrews 11:32-40 and how many heroes of the faith did not receive the promise. Both also spoke to me of not being under condemnation, and the IHOP pastor prayed for me in that area as well as others. He said that even though he was in shock that Cheryl died, that he could feel the Lord's presence in the situation. My talk with him, building on my talk with the superintendant (the two had not talked to each other), helped alot. God is God, I am His, Cheryl is His, and I will accept His will. Who knows for sure what would have come and what is to come but Him?

I don't know how long a post can be so I am going to continue in another post....

 

[pauldst]

We had two funerals for Cheryl. One in Iowa City, and one in Tulsa. She had been talking lately about returning to Tulsa, where the spiritual atmosphere is much lighter than in Iowa City (it is very dark and oppressive here in the spirit and she was very sensitive spiritually), and where her son & daughter are. We couldn't not have one here for our church family and for friends. And the one in Tulsa was for our relatives and old friends in Oklahoma. And I couldn't stand to bury her here....

Anyway, being with people and being focused on things to do got me through. The funerals themselves helped, as well, because they were in large part worship services. She so loved to worship and be in God's presence, and for a Christian a funeral should be a celebration of someone making it across the finish line into glory. And God is God and deserves our worship. Each service had two worship sets of 3 or 4 songs. But the time spent in worship helped me, as well.

The worst time so far has been from Monday night when I got back to the house from OK and the two days following. I don't know how those without the Lord get through this. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, losing part of me, body and soul, tied to my spirit. There are times that I think that I can't do this...but God still has plans for me, I have to go on. The worst are the what-ifs: what if I called 911 right away, what if Cheryl had of gone ahead with chemo after the first surgery when we thought the cancer had all been gotten instead of finishing her student teaching, what if I'd prayed more sooner, what if???????!

Last Wed. I went up to the local prayer center (IHOP mentioned earlier) for their weekly staff prayer time. No one was there... Eventually someone showed up for another (private) meeting, she put a CD on for me and I just spent time with the Lord for a while by myself. On my way out I ran into the other person in the meeting (both are staffers there) and she asked if she could pray for me. She prayed for comfort and other things, but she really hit hard on peace..."a strange peace that is beyond understanding". She is a prayer warrior! Since then, even though physically I have not felt all that well, I have had a strange peace. I miss Cheryl terribly. Our marriage was good and getting better, our lives, our futures, were so joined together that this separation is, well, if you've been through it you know. I want her back, or even better I want to be with her in heaven (yay! with Cheryl and, even better, with God!), but still, I now have peace anyway.

I don't know how to make it but walk with Him day by day, praise Him, stand in what I know, let Him be God. I have also been encouraged by some of Rick Joyner's writings about grace, being an overcomer, and praising God (despite circumstances).

May God bless all of you!

 

[faithgoeson]

Would like to introduce myself. I am cajunhillbilly. My wife died 11 1/2 months ago. I have been coping as best that I could and seem to have gotten past the worst of the grief. But it is still there and colors my whole life to some extent. I can have moments of joy in the Lord, and still feel the loss at the same time. The greatest problem now is the sheer loneliness of my wife being gone. There are times that I feel the church just does not care. Most people will say "Sorry about your loss" etc. But do they invite me over for a visit? Do they call on the phone? Do they include me in their activities? Nope. I know that most people do not think about that. They mean well. But I sure would like to have friends in Christ that would include me in their lives. Esp. at this time of the year. Yesterday was my wife's birthday. This is the first time she was not here on her birthday. Boy was I bummed out. Then her first anniversary of her death is coming up on Nov 4. That bums me out too. But I know Christ will get me through. He has done so thus far and will continue to sustain me. Just thought I would share this with others who might understand what I am going through. Oh, I am 53. My wife was 54 when she died.

I'm sorry for your loss, cajun. Keep strong in your faith, and the Lord will surely see you through. I know what it's like to long for Christian friends. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to share, but I don't. Myself, I just keep searching and trusting. The Lord will provide in His time all things. God bless.