Throwing away your emotions

[Fatolia]

I'm starting to think that the obsessive emotions and thoughts one feels for a woman in no way can be a holy thing. It interferes with everything I want to do and takes me down. I feel like praying to God to axe them completely out of my life. But I'm afraid to ask such a tall order, and I don't want to let go of being able to feel those emotions, because I know if I ask, God will answer it.

Example: A couple of years ago, I prayed to God to take away my sexual and romantic feelings--and it happened. One of my friends once told me that he wished that God would chop his package off and then restore it once he got married so he wouldn't have to deal with lust. Not a bad idea, I thought, to deal with this sex-crazed body God gave us guys (it's how we're wired ladies, sorry). I had resurfaced from a series of quick but emotionally laden relationships (3 relationships in 7 months) and was on the hunt again. But I prayed that God would take those feelings away. He didn't do the physical duty as my friend suggested, but soon enough, it was during college so work was heavy, and I steadily found it so much easier to talk to girls, straight in the eyes, and I wasn't attracted to their bodies at all. I had no problems with lust, and I didn't think of girls as much more than short guys with longer hair.

But during that time, it didn't feel allright, so I prayed to God that I would start feeling things again. And sure enough, God answered my prayer. The sexuality and romance desires started flying at full throttle. Now that I turn 21 in twelve days, these things are on afterburners big time. Help! I'm trapped in the body of something between Romeo and a CRAZY BEAST!

The girl that has invaded my mind recently once told me that she asked God to let her kiss this specific guy she liked--and sure enough he answered it, to her eventual despite. So I'm careful what I pray for. I feel like if I asked for a wife, I'd have a ring on the finger by the time I'm 23. There's not a lot that frightens me. But that's probably one of three or four things that do.

This year, I've had two "bondage" issues, whereas I can't get the freaking image of the woman out of my head. I'm strong in nearly every aspect of my life except when it comes to women; then I'm taken down big time; what a drag! It doesn't take my focus from Jesus necessarily (most of the time, it actually makes me more reliant on him!), but it prevents me from doing other salient worldly activities like schoolwork, thinking clearly, cleaning my place up, and job hunting. I feel like I'm luny or something. I'm never depressed until I start thinking about a woman I can't have RIGHT NOW.

What do you think about throwing away those emotions? Seeing them as something to fight rather than something to embrace? These can't be holy; I don't see how they can be.

 

[fishstix]

Anything in excess can become a bad thing. But that doesn't mean that it's bad in the proper amounts. Letting your emotions rule you is a bad thing, but that doesn't mean that having any emotion at all is a bad thing. I think the key is to not let your feelings be in charge, but to make sure that God is the one in charge. Some attraction to the opposite gender is a positive thing. Having a sex drive is totally normal and healthy. As long as it doesn't become an obsession or the driving force in your life. As you've mentioned that it is interfering with your normal life, that probably is excessive. Personally, I wouldn't pray for it to be removed completely, but for it to be subdued to a reasonable and manageable level. But that's just my opinion.

 

[mina]

Emotions aren't bad and dirty and evil. God created emotions. They only become "bad" when they are allowed to rule and control you, like fishstix said. Feeling emotions is normal, healthy, and good. God created you as able to feel those things. God does not answer all prayers with a yes. He is not santa claus. If you pray to kiss someone, I don't think God is going to grant that as a sign he is giving you what you want because you are so good and worthy. This girl may have kissed this guy because they both wanted to do it. That doesn't mean it was in the will of God, expecially if she's regreting it now. God knows your desires even before you speak them. He is not going to sadle you down with a wife and family if you aren't ready for it. He doesn't force us to do anything. Maybe what would help is to have a good guy friend or an older man who is mature spiritually to help mentor you in how to keep your emotions in check in a Godly fashion and to keep you accountable. People without any emotion or passion in thier life is not what God wants.

 

[Fatolia]

Thanks, peeps. I agree with what you said for the most part, but that was largely not my point. See, I don't want these emotions and thoughts to take over, but they tend to creep in and consume me. That's why I say they're evil, not because they're there, but because when they do enter, they take control of my thoughts, making me useless to do other things. None of these things are the driving forces in my life; in fact, I have total control with my actions and lust isn't an issue with me. But the temptation of lust is huge, and the temptation to fantasize romantically is huge, and the temptation to think about a certain girl is huge...it all gets on my nerves.

That's why I say there needs to be some kind of purging. Should I only prune them and let them linger so they'll grow again, or should I have no mercy and give them a quick death? I'm aiming more towards the latter.

 

[mina]

I don't think you should get rid of your emotions. But learn to control them in a Godly manner. It's hard. But we can overcome temptations. I don't think it is possible to get rid of all temptations or emotions that can cause temptations. But we can learn to keep them in line and have victory over those things. I would like to urge you again to find a Godly man who has been through this to mentor you in how to combat this or who you can call on when you have the urges to struggle with this.

 

[fishstix]

Thanks, peeps. I agree with what you said for the most part, but that was largely not my point. See, I don't want these emotions and thoughts to take over, but they tend to creep in and consume me. That's why I say they're evil, not because they're there, but because when they do enter, they take control of my thoughts, making me useless to do other things. None of these things are the driving forces in my life; in fact, I have total control with my actions and lust isn't an issue with me. But the temptation of lust is huge, and the temptation to fantasize romantically is huge, and the temptation to think about a certain girl is huge...it all gets on my nerves.

That's why I say there needs to be some kind of purging. Should I only prune them and let them linger so they'll grow again, or should I have no mercy and give them a quick death? I'm aiming more towards the latter.

I'd suggest something along the lines of the Lord's prayer - "lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil" kind of thing. Also the whole "take every thought captive" sort of thing.

BTW, pruning isn't a one shot deal. If you're going to prune something you have to keep at it to keep it in check. And the decision as to whether to prune or rip out at the roots is something that only you and God can make. In other words, seek God's will in the matter. You may wish to talk with a trusted pastor or a mature Godly man who knows you in real life if you want human advice. It'll likely be better suited to you personally than something that us internet folk who don't really know you would say.

 

[invisiblebabe]

The girl that has invaded my mind recently once told me that she asked God to let her kiss this specific guy she liked--and sure enough he answered it, to her eventual despite. So I'm careful what I pray for. I feel like if I asked for a wife, I'd have a ring on the finger by the time I'm 23.

Hmmm, interesting. I would respond to that by saying that yes, God sometimes does "let us have it our way" to show us our own foolishness.... BUT... God will not give you something that you truly desire, and desire for the RIGHT reasons.... in any other timing except His best.

As for this girl getting her prayer "answered" by being able to kiss that guy..... I wouldn't say that was God's doing. I would simply say that God did not remove the guy from her life, and it was the GUY'S choice, as well as her own, to kiss.

 

[seangoh]

Thanks, peeps. I agree with what you said for the most part, but that was largely not my point. See, I don't want these emotions and thoughts to take over, but they tend to creep in and consume me. That's why I say they're evil, not because they're there, but because when they do enter, they take control of my thoughts, making me useless to do other things. None of these things are the driving forces in my life; in fact, I have total control with my actions and lust isn't an issue with me. But the temptation of lust is huge, and the temptation to fantasize romantically is huge, and the temptation to think about a certain girl is huge...it all gets on my nerves.

That's why I say there needs to be some kind of purging. Should I only prune them and let them linger so they'll grow again, or should I have no mercy and give them a quick death? I'm aiming more towards the latter.

Yeah i think alot of us struggle with fighting away temptations..i do too..and it needs a huge amount of effort to fight them off. I emphatize with you. If you want, you can pm me.

 

[toonces]

well, you do realize that, for the most part, man and women are meant to be together, not alone. in eden, God said, "it is not good for man to be alone..."

other than that, i have not much else to say. i'm 31 and single and still have the problem that you do. eventually, you have to take control of your thoughts. i find it helpful to think about the needs of others to take my mind off things. honestly putting yourself in another's shoes can really help you gain perspective on your own life.

 

[Living4Him03]

Temptation is one tough cookie. I may be female, so take my advice as you will, but I am for one very visual, so that is really tough, especially when everyone acts like you are an angel cuz you're a girl and surely never have an impure thought or impure images that get in your head. It seems like satan attacks me constantly with that and sometimes I just have to stop and pray for God's mercy and grace. As I've said many times before, men AND women were "wired" for sex...God didn't just make sex for men to desire/want. It seems there is also a misconception that women seek the emotional aspects of sex only and aren't designed to want sex for physical pleasure as well. That's not true. Find it in the bible where it says men are designed for sex and women don't want it. That's not what I see in Song of Songs!!

Anyway, it's hard to be single and desire the emotional and physical bond that married people have. However, it's better not to have it when you aren't ready for it. I try to focus my thoughts on God when I start getting tempted to think about things I shouldn't or think about a guy in a way I shouldn't be (not just romantic ideals). It's natural to have a sex drive and to want the emotional/mental/spiritual bond that marriage brings...but it's not good to dwell on those thoughts. Also, when you start thinking those things, try and remember what marriage is about...it's not just having great sex lol or sapping love and care from the other person. It's both constantly giving.

I'm sure you think "oh she's a girl so she doesn't know" by now, but I'm just trying to help. Girls face temptation too, at least I do, and it's tough, especially when you aren't "supposed" to face such temptation. I've wanted to die over it, so yah if girls aren't wired for sex then I must be a freak.

 

[KeilCoppes]

L4H, You have someone who believes you here. A very close friend (and then some) of mine told me of her struggle when we were dating. It goes around to all of us. M told me she thought it might be even more challenging for her as a woman. As men we're trained to be on our guard, because of the visual aspects of things. What do the women get in training? I'd guess not as much? That has to make things difficult.

 

[Living4Him03]

We don't get "training"...women are basically told that guys are the ones with the dirty minds and that the area we struggle in is wanting the emotional attention from a guy. As if anyone has the right to tell each of us what we struggle with!! It's hard to relate to other women because no one will admit when the visual/physical aspect IS a struggle...women don't talk about it and they don't have support groups for women struggling with other than emotional lust, at least not that I know of.

 

[Living4Him03]

On a side note HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARL!

 

[lilray]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

 

[Fatolia]

Thanks. You both are sweeties!!!

 

[Fatolia]

I'm going to have to pick apart your Carl-brain scan a bit

"oh she's a girl

Yes, I do think that about you. Sorry :-(

so she doesn't know"

Of course I know you know. At least, now. I spent several hours discussing the issue with a friend of mine last Thursday...very friendly and personable, gets asked out a lot. I'm even tempted to, but I won't...our discussion would classify in the "getting to know you" category probably deeper than a lot of clueless engaged couples. She was telling me how she lost her virginity in her teen years after she became a Christian (go figure), and that her whole sexuality was lit on fire so that she now thinks like a male (poor girl). A lot of girls seem like (or pretend like) they have no idea when I ask them about sexual struggkes, so I'm wondering whether they really are pretending or that a lot of women are "turned off" before "the big moment" and are "turned on" indefinitely afterwards. I know I can't generalize...maybe some women go through adolescene with hungry sex drives and some go through it either repressed or even nonexistent? Cause I know that at about 13 a guy's drive blasts off like a Saturn V and never reaches the moon.

 

[KeilCoppes]

As a guy who's been fighting his side of the battle for what seems ages now, what I wonder is this: My strategy has essentially been to lock up all those desires inside barbed wire and concrete them in, the reason being the flee youthful lusts strategy. It's to the point where it can be painful when cues go by and your insides pretty much know that nothing is going there, though and the barbed wire is on the inside - the Sting song is appropriate. I sometimes wonder if there is a path that leads safely from now to a future that may never be. Have I perhaps broken something? I don't know, so I concentrate on living as a generally friendly person rather than a romantic. Which is a challenge since that is different than my nature. The childhood dreams only go so far.

Sometimes the echoes jangle the barbed wire. That's about time to look forward to a cool and refreshing morning outside....

 

[fishstix]

her whole sexuality was lit on fire so that she now thinks like a male (poor girl). A lot of girls seem like (or pretend like) they have no idea when I ask them about sexual struggkes, so I'm wondering whether they really are pretending or that a lot of women are "turned off" before "the big moment" and are "turned on" indefinitely afterwards. I know I can't generalize...maybe some women go through adolescene with hungry sex drives and some go through it either repressed or even nonexistent? Cause I know that at about 13 a guy's drive blasts off like a Saturn V and never reaches the moon.

I think a lot of the apparant differences are largely due to stereotypes and a double standard that even secular society has about what each gender is supposed to experience or what is acceptable for them to acknowledge experiencing. Stereotypes say that men are nothing but sex drive and women don't have a sex drive at all. But those are just stereotypes - not reality. In other words, both men and women have sex drives that usually start appearing around puberty or so and fluctuate in intensity throughout life depending on health, circumstances, experiences, etc. And the degree of those drives varies with individuals - some men *and* women have very strong sex drives and some have less. So the girl you mention probably isn't actually thinking like a male - she's thinking like herself. Degree of sex drive is an individual kind of thing, not something that can be assumed based solely on a person's gender.

 

[seangoh]

We don't get "training"...women are basically told that guys are the ones with the dirty minds and that the area we struggle in is wanting the emotional attention from a guy. As if anyone has the right to tell each of us what we struggle with!! It's hard to relate to other women because no one will admit when the visual/physical aspect IS a struggle...women don't talk about it and they don't have support groups for women struggling with other than emotional lust, at least not that I know of.

L4H, i can't help to say that you're the only woman here so far talking that women do struggle with the physical aspect. HAHhaaahah....sorry.

 

[Living4Him03]

Um gee thanks