Three months later

thirdculturekid said:

I'm new here and feel strange putting this pain out there, but I am sitting here alone at my desk in the room where we usually sit together. Three months ago, he didn't come home, but died in a barn in the hay. We still don't know what really happened to him.

I am too young for this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone in a house. Can't we live communally? Does losing a spouse mean losing the comfort of people in the house with you?

I am looking for a group of folks that want to create Christian community with my son and I, folks I can trust!

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Google the name of your closest big town and the words "kids" "grief" "group" and see if there are any family grief groups in your area. They really help.

I know when I was newly widowed, a group of us only half joked about getting a widow/widower commune going. It might have worked for about a year but then our lives start moving in their independent directions. The death defines you for a while but not forever. You are very new at this. The numbness is only now starting to wear off and expect an emotional rollercoaster ride for a bit. Eventually, you will figure out your new life...but it takes time.

If the farm is too much for you now, maybe consider apartment living for a time. That gives you someone to talk to at the playground or pool areas and you tend to bump into people on the stairs. In my extreme loneliness, I actually could barely stand to be around other people much of the time so for me, life was paradoxically. ((hugs)) It isn't always this bad.

thirdculturekid said:

I'm new here and feel strange putting this pain out there, but I am sitting here alone at my desk in the room where we usually sit together. Three months ago, he didn't come home, but died in a barn in the hay. We still don't know what really happened to him.

I am too young for this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone in a house. Can't we live communally? Does losing a spouse mean losing the comfort of people in the house with you?

I am looking for a group of folks that want to create Christian community with my son and I, folks I can trust!

Click to expand...

Am really sorry for your loss and it is still such early days for you yet....Although your idea of living communally may seem like an ideal one....finding people with whom you can live as well as trust might not be such an easy task. Also being in a state of widowhood can also render you vulnerable and prey to those who may wish to take advantage so it is a always good to just be aware and alert to various offers of help. I too live alone and at times the loneliness is almost unbearable but one day leads into another and business takes over..friends and family help where they can but for a while I almost blotted them out not wishing to be around people. We all grieve differently and you will grieve in your own way too...in several different stages...As blackribbon stated..it does take time but you will work out eventually what is the best thing for you and your son although well meaning relatives and friends will think THEY know what is best but people generally are just trying to be helpful and kind. Take care of yourself in the meantime and God bless, guide and help you through each day as you move forward...

My husband died April of this year. I have four boys and we miss him a lot. I sold our house and know live with my parents which has been a great blessing just to have their support. The school my boys go to just started grief counsling they meet with other kids once a month I know that really helps them my 8 yr old does not want to talk to me yet about all that has happened so I am grateful that he talks to someone. My four year old loves to remember his daddy my 7 year old loves to write about him and my 19 year old well he misses him and he talks with his brothers. I have been writing things down I have two different journels I dont know why but it helps. Then I found this site just the other day. God knows why and I just keep praying that He helps me to know how He wants me to do things because I dont know. I just know I can hold His hand.