thoughts..

well, heres my thing.

Over the last 2 years, i suddenly gained this conviction to take a stand against alcohol. when i was in high school, i had no problems oging out to parties and stuff and just not drinking with them, but one day it just kinda clicked nad i suddenly became very anti-drinking (well, depending on the context.)

anyways, to the present, my girlfriend doesn't quite agree with my thoughts on drinking (which is fine), but whenever she goes out to the bars with friends, or to parties (she doesnt get drunk btw), it just eats me up inside. It ruins my entire day. its not a matter of me not trusting her, its just a matter of this is something that i feel very strongly against, and her being in that situation just kills me.

sometimes i go out with her, because i want to spend that time with her. on the outside seem like its okay and am having fun. but even on the inside, i dont want to be there and im not really happy.
im not quite sure what im looking for. i guess just advice and prayer, or even affirmation/criticism.

i went through the same phase...where i thought that alcohol was soo evil, and it kills everyone...like, i HATED it for the longest time, whenever someone would drink or do anything in that way, i would be totally upset at them...i actually made my bf promise NEVER to tuch alcohol...which i still stand firm on...it has hurt me tons in my life...in dealing with my own problems, and alcoholism in my family

recently though, i have found it okay to be around my old drinking friends again, and going to parties. I prayed soo long about it...like every night/day/anytime i saw alcohol...and God has really made me not soo hard hearted about it...i now use my experiences for witnessing...and what not.

i dont know what to say for you...i dont know if you have had some rocky past with alcohol...but i do know that you should give it to God, and not dwell too hard on it...thats what i've done, and it has forever changed my life

you'll be in my prayers!!!

thanks for your prayers.

I have personally never had even a drop of alcohol. though i have seen it invade my friends and my youth group and tear it apart.

I too have prayed over and over again about this, and I find that i my feelings seem to be getting stronger and stronger.

My issue isnt with the alcohol itself, but in the situation in which it is consumed and the situations where other people are consuming it...

having a glass of wine with dinner or a beer while watching the game isnt what im talking about. I'm referring to going out to the bar with people, or going to keggers/parties.

Oscar the not-so-grouch ,
My brother, I understand that feeling. I stood in the same view while I was underage. I commend you and bless you for your commitment to yourself and to your responsibilities to your body and those around you... It is hard to say no to something that seems so normal.
But like you, I feel uncomfortable in situations like those you noted, and I am of age to drink. And yes, I do at times... but I still feel very strongly about the use of alcohol and how damaging it can be when abused.

Keep strong and do what God leads you to do. Be there for your friends, especially your girlfriend. You can be a witness for your cause without saying a word. Live strong, be strong even when silent... And be willing to be a help if someone needs safety or a sober friend who finds fun and value elsewhere.
This issue does not go away as we grow older.
But god has lead you to hold certain standards. I am glad that you have prayed over them! Sometimes we can go blindly into our beliefs.

and I babble on...

just know you are supported and so are your friends.

Oscar, let me offer you my thoughts.

I am currently in the same situation with my boyfriend. He has the occasional drink (does not get drunk), and although he has VERY strick limits for himself, it still bothers me. I feel very uncomfortable in such situations, and even when I hear that my friends (or even Josh) has had a drink it tears me apart. One of my house mates at bible college goes out occasionally and has a drink... and it rips me apart inside.
I have seen the affects that it has taken on my family, and my college and carreer group at home. A bunch of christian people who really loved God, totally went the other way and has since torn our group of friends apart. I lost alot of my good church friends to this lifestyle... something that started out as casual drinks.

But at the same time, I respect my bf's decisions even though its hard. I am not his mother and I cannot tell him what to do. He has to make his own decisions. I love him enough to respect that.
Im not sure what advice I have to offer you, but at least I can let you know that there are others out there in teh same situation as you are. I know how hard it is to see someone you love so much doing something you hate. And it really hurts.

I guess all you can do (which is what I do) is pray through it. Tell God how much it hurts you and how much you worry about your gf... I think its important for you to tell your girlfriend that it does bother you. I would question your relationship if you feel you cant talk to her about this. It has been discussed by Josh and I, and he knows exactly how I fee, and he respects that.
On the same hand, if it hurts you to the point where you dont think you could stay with her because of it.... inform her of this. She may have to reconsider her priorities... and hopefully they are in the right place. If she chooses drinking over you, I would consider thinking about you going your seperate ways.

thanks for your advice and your stories.

The issue isnt whether she drinks or not (even though i like Sign of the Fish dont like it at all) its more i dont like her being in those situations. We've got a whole thread going about it in the young adults forum.

http://www.christianforums.com/t1147169-parties.html

anyways, i think she kinda knows. she knows that it bugs me, and knows that i feel strongly against alcohol, but i guess maybe she doesnt know how much it bugs me that she goes even when not drinking. i just feel like i will be guilt tripping her into not doing those things, and thats not what i want to do.

she doesnt even do it that often, like maybe once a month, but for some reason it still drives me nuts.

Oscar, what country do you live in? Are both of you under age?

It sounds like you have not had the guts to tell her directly how it makes you feel, you said "I think she kinda knows it bugs me". Kinda knows is not good enough, get real with her, show her more of your heart on this. If she does not care, that tells you a lot about her. I don't think it would be absurd for you to request that she only has a maximum of one beverage when out with her friends, or perhaps that she only drinks while with you (assuming this is all legal).

My wife and I enjoy wine and such. I go out for a beer with my buddies. We keep things in moderation for sure. Occasionally she will have a drink while out with her freinds, and it does not bother me because everythign is done in strict obedience to the Bible, and in respect of our marriage. I trust her 100%.

DaveKerwin said:

Oscar, what country do you live in? Are both of you under age?

It sounds like you have not had the guts to tell her directly how it makes you feel, you said "I think she kinda knows it bugs me". Kinda knows is not good enough, get real with her, show her more of your heart on this. If she does not care, that tells you a lot about her. I don't think it would be absurd for you to request that she only has a maximum of one beverage when out with her friends, or perhaps that she only drinks while with you (assuming this is all legal).

Click to expand...

I think Dave has a great point here... you said in your post that you only think she knows how you feel about it. I think its time that, if you are serious about this girl, you have a serious conversation about how her being in those situations makes you feel. Perhaps she has no idea, and if you told her, she would understand.

One thing I would strongly advice you against, is putting her on a guilt trip. I know its the cliche bible verse, but really try and think of 1 Cor 13: Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Just sit her down, and tell her exactly how it makes you feel. LIke I said in my previous post, and like Dave said, if she dosen't respond well you may want to re consider who you spend your time with.
I also have to ask myself... is she a christian? Are you? Going out to the clubs (even when or if you are not drinking) is still kinda sketchy... there is so much temptation at clubs, from drinking and everything else. Even going there with the intentions of NOT drinking, dosen't mean that your not gonna drink. Trust me, I went through it. Eventually I ended up drinking again and I was back down a road I was down once before. I quickly got out of it, but it can happen.

Anyways I hope everything works out, but I strongly suggest that you sit down and have a chat with her.

One thing I appreciate about my boyfriend is that he has decided never to drink. I am so proud of him for that decision (he's 25, btw).
And he doesn't try to keep me from drinking. I am also thankful for that. Because I know that I will never be drunk. I never want to be. And I don't drink in situations where other things are going on. He doesn't mind me having a cider with the ladies every once in a while as long as he knows I'm safe. I appreciate his trust and his honor. I have my own standards and values and he is not imposing his own upon me, though he makes them very clear so i can understand where he's coming from.

I encourage you to make your stance clear and just encourage her safety and welcome her honesty about what the parties and bars are like.

You and your girlfriend have some pretty different opinions about a subject that is very important to you. She is not having an ocassional glass of wine with dinner... she is going out (underage) drinking with friends many of whom, I assure you, have the goal of getting as drunk as they can and still staying conscious. For two people to have such different views on this matter is a pretty big difference between two people.

How do you feel about her continuing to drink? You know that when people drink they make stupid decisions and do things they might no otherwise do. You need to ask yourself if you see your relationship with her continuing to grow if you both continue to disagree on this issue.