Thoughts on the Pursuit of Marriage

[Skipper80]

Hello, my question is: what are your thoughts on marriage as a future goal? I’m seeking to achieve this one day

 

[AlexB23]

Hello, my question is: what are your thoughts on marriage as a future goal? I’m seeking to achieve this one day

I have three words for you, brother: "Go for it."

Just make sure you marry a fellow Christian, someone of the opposite sex, and honor your marriage.

2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV): "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

Honoring Marriage Devotional:

Honoring Your Marriage

Hello folks. Yes, single guy here, but this devotional is important for everyone, whether married or not, as we must treat each other with respect in our families and relationships. Date August 5, 2024 | Honoring Your Marriage Verse Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV): "Submit to one another out of...

www.christianforums.com

 

[Paidiske]

I think my response would depend on why it's a goal. What do you hope for, from marriage, that you expect not to happen if you are single? Because there are healthy and unhealthy motivations for seeking marriage, and your motivation is likely to shape your experience.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you marry, you do not sin. (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Hello, my question is: what are your thoughts on marriage as a future goal? I’m seeking to achieve this one day

Being married for the sake of being married doesn’t do anybody any good, nor is it a recipe for a successful marriage. To be married, in and of itself, is not a goal. It’s an abstract, like wanting to be happy or wanting to be rich.

To want to be married and so, as a result, you structure your life, interactions, and choices to reflect your willingness and ability to attract and maintain a healthy relationship, then charting out what all of that looks like to you is a better goal.

Having had both the “because I am supposed to” and the “because I’m able and want to” marriages, the second one is infinitely more desirable.

 

[Skipper80]

I think my response would depend on why it's a goal. What do you hope for, from marriage, that you expect not to happen if you are single? Because there are healthy and unhealthy motivations for seeking marriage, and your motivation is likely to shape your experience.

One reason I have for marriage is because of the natural feelings I have to desire intimacy with a woman. I want to enjoy sexual fulfillment in a way that is pleasing to God. I think that is a healthy motivation. What would you give as an unhealthy motivation?

 

[Paidiske]

What would you give as an unhealthy motivation?

Anything that is basically selfish; only focussed on what you will get out of it. Marriage is hard work; you will, at times, need to love the other person despite not feeling loved the way you wish to be. You will need to sacrifice. If there are children, you will need to put their needs before your own, and that can be incredibly hard.

If your motivation going in was basically about what you will get out of it, you are likely to become disappointed and bitter when things are tough. But if you go into marriage expecting it to be as much about giving to the other person, as about what you get; about building a life together that is more than either of you could achieve on your own; about growing as a person and a Christian through the challenges you face... then you will be able to see th grace even in the tough times, and that will help you to persevere.

 

[Skipper80]

If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you marry, you do not sin. (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)

When I read verse 27, I understand the first part as you said, "If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage." However, in the second part, I see that as the Bible saying, "If you have parted or separated from your wife, do not seek marriage." From that view, I do not interpret the passage as telling yet-to-be-married individuals to not seek marriage. I am wondering what you would say the correct course of action would be for single people who have not been divorced if they are not to seek marriage. What I am saying is, in light of many people wanting sexual intimacy, what should they do if not to seek marriage?

 

[Skipper80]

Anything that is basically selfish; only focussed on what you will get out of it. Marriage is hard work; you will, at times, need to love the other person despite not feeling loved the way you wish to be. You will need to sacrifice. If there are children, you will need to put their needs before your own, and that can be incredibly hard.

If your motivation going in was basically about what you will get out of it, you are likely to become disappointed and bitter when things are tough. But if you go into marriage expecting it to be as much about giving to the other person, as about what you get; about building a life together that is more than either of you could achieve on your own; about growing as a person and a Christian through the challenges you face... then you will be able to see th grace even in the tough times, and that will help you to persevere.

I agree. You helped me understand why I am seeking marriage. I really liked what you said about my future wife's and my connection growing into something greater then what would occur if we were not together

 

[com7fy8]

Intimacy with your own feelings of pleasure is not the same as intimate relating with a genuinely humble and kind lady of Jesus.

The first thing would be the right woman, including she helps you to grow in Jesus and she is a good example to also help your children to be saved and to grow in Jesus and find out how to love.

Your children need parents who know how to love, so they can feed on your example.

Not to mention . . . you need how God guides you. You can become a very mature and sensible person as you grow as a child of God. And what you value later is very likely to be different than what you might think and hope now.

As a younger Christian, how are you supposed to know how to make the right choices for the person you will become years and even decades from now? God has the plan for you. Trust Him to guide you.

 

[Skipper80]

Being married for the sake of being married doesn’t do anybody any good, nor is it a recipe for a successful marriage. To be married, in and of itself, is not a goal. It’s an abstract, like wanting to be happy or wanting to be rich.

To want to be married and so, as a result, you structure your life, interactions, and choices to reflect your willingness and ability to attract and maintain a healthy relationship, then charting out what all of that looks like to you is a better goal.

Having had both the “because I am supposed to” and the “because I’m able and want to” marriages, the second one is infinitely more desirable.

What does "being married for the sake of being married" look like to you? Is that when an individual has no idea what the marriage relationship consists of?

 

[Skipper80]

Intimacy with your own feelings of pleasure is not the same as intimate relating with a genuinely humble and kind lady of Jesus.

The first thing would be the right woman, including she helps you to grow in Jesus and she is a good example to also help your children to be saved and to grow in Jesus and find out how to love.

Your children need parents who know how to love, so they can feed on your example.

Not to mention . . . you need how God guides you. You can become a very mature and sensible person as you grow as a child of God. And what you value later is very likely to be different than what you might think and hope now.

As a younger Christian, how are you supposed to know how to make the right choices for the person you will become years and even decades from now? God has the plan for you. Trust Him to guide you.

I would like to hear what you think about this. I think God purposefully designed sexual activity to feel good because we would be much more drawn to have children, which is important from a community standpoint, and to better create a singular relationship with one's spouse. I do not think it is wrong to enjoy intimacy because it feels good. God knew we would have this base desire, and marriage provides a healthy, loving way to express this desire. I believe that is one of the blessings of marriage--to receive sexual gratification from one's spouse

 

[Richard T]

Hello, my question is: what are your thoughts on marriage as a future goal? I’m seeking to achieve this one day

Marriage is for most and God has endorsed it. It is not good for man to be alone. He who finds a wife has favor from the Lord. Two are better than one. The covenant to Abraham confirms God's desire for believers to raise more believers. Babies too are a blessing from God according to Psalms. So praise God that you are on board with His plan for marriage. I do agree that motivations are important. You do not marry to gain a housekeeper or a breadwinner. You do not marry to take. You have to be a giver in love. I will admit that Paul's advice is pro-single. That is his own experience and it is a good impediment so that believers have to think about marriage. Yes, some may also have the gift of singleness, but the earlier scriptures I paraphrased still stand especially if God has put the desire in your heart. I will say that "hoping" for a mate, is a start, but at some point you can enhance your hope to having faith. Faith knows and acts like your wife is already there even though you may not have even met her yet. By faith the servant was sent to find a wife, By faith, Ruth followed her mother-in-law. You get that faith from hearing from God's word and from the Holy Spirit.
I doubt this is you, but anyone who dates for sex is not in faith, that is just immorality and God may oppose you in true marriage. It will also hinder your faith in the very thing a person says they are seeking. If you want marriage, think purity, honor your future wife and may God grant you the desires of your heart.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

When I read verse 27, I understand the first part as you said, "If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage." However, in the second part, I see that as the Bible saying, "If you have parted or separated from your wife, do not seek marriage." From that view, I do not interpret the passage as telling yet-to-be-married individuals to not seek marriage. I am wondering what you would say the correct course of action would be for single people who have not been divorced if they are not to seek marriage. What I am saying is, in light of many people wanting sexual intimacy, what should they do if not to seek marriage?

The passage actually does say that but. Context is king.

Elsewhere it is written that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

If you're unable to restrain your body's desire to go get married, then you do not sin, go get married.

 

[com7fy8]

I would like to hear what you think about this. I think God purposefully designed sexual activity to feel good because we would be much more drawn to have children, which is important from a community standpoint, and to better create a singular relationship with one's spouse. I do not think it is wrong to enjoy intimacy because it feels good. God knew we would have this base desire, and marriage provides a healthy, loving way to express this desire. I believe that is one of the blessings of marriage--to receive sexual gratification from one's spouse

God "gives us richly all things to enjoy," we have in 1 Timothy 6:17.

But also we have,

"even those who have wives should be as though they had none." (in 1 Corinthians 7:29)

So, I consider, that as we grow in Jesus and His love, we get into love more intimate and satisfying than sex > possibly, we could say, the love where sex came from.

 

[Joseph G]

All excellent advice. Something to consider also...

"An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32-34).

This is very true, and even more so when children are added to the mix.

The challenge for the married man therefore is to keep a balance - focusing primary devotion to the Heavenly Father, which then results in the power to love his wife with the love of Christ. Likewise with the wife. Marriage takes three.

Being single or being married have their own unique advantages to the Lord. The single has more time for ministry and service to the Church. The married carries the awesome responsibility of demonstrating the relationship between the Bridegroom Jesus to His Bride the Body of Christ - and of the relationship of the Father to His children.

Either choice is good if the overarching goal is to honor God. He is pleased to give us the desires of our hearts when we walk thusly.

God bless!

 

[Yuwang]

One reason I have for marriage is because of the natural feelings I have to desire intimacy with a woman. I want to enjoy sexual fulfillment in a way that is pleasing to God. I think that is a healthy motivation. What would you give as an unhealthy motivation?

Marry in Biblical Greek is mostly gameo, gamisko, gamos in STRONG'S Exhaustive Concordance and dictionary in Aramaic (Hebrew letters) and Greek. Since Greek is derived from Aramaic, gam in Aramaic is gather, yes, alike: But next to that is gamay meaning absorb, swallow & drink.

 

[Veni]

the first love of a man is the harlot of babylon. she is like a chameleon, she can transfigure into any woman a man desire.
she sit at the holy place of the mighty God.
expose the harlot by confession, do not protect her.
and do not replace your wife with the harlot.