Thoughts on moving in together??

[AngelLuved]

Me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years have recently seriously considered moving in together, I know it in my heart that this is who God has placed in my life to be my mate. She brought me to the Father and a year into our relationship I was saved, we were then Baptized together shortly thereafter. We both hold our Christian faith in very high regard and have sworn a vow of cellebacy until marriage which would still be several years into the future. Now the idea to move out is not purely motivated by us just living together, we are both in a point in our lives were moving out is inevitable, I'm 24 and have a firm position on my career path, she is turning 23 and just recieved her Bachelors degree already finding greaty employment in her field(The Lord's blessings are PLENTIFUL!!!) I currently live with my brother and his wife along with my 2 newly born nephews, It has come to a point where it is time for me to no longer be a burder upon his household and her father feels it is time for her to leave the nest. Our original thoughts were just to get a one bedroom but after much deliberation have decided upon a 2 bedroom place to further secure our status of "house or roommates" purely plutonic as I mentioned above. Now, my question is, Is this just a means by me and her to Justify our living together as being "OK" or is this a truly viable option. Is it "crossing the line" so to speak? It is something that has been on my mind as of late and I could use some advice, thanks in advance for any help or suggestions offered,
Steve
In need of some

 

[JillLars]

May I ask why it will be several years before you get married? Just curious

 

[Warrior Poet]

Personly I am againist it...is it a sin...you have the argument its not...as long as there is no hankey pankey...is it financaily smart....again you have the argument to support it is....as long as no hankey pankey is going on. Can you live together without "getting your hand in the cookie jar"....sure but thats like keeping the cookie jar next to your bed not on top of the fridge where it belongs you belive you are doing the right thing. In situations like this doing the "right thing" isnt doing the right thing. Have you ever lived alone have you payed your own rent....shopped for yourself...cooked for yourself.....done your own laundry....not relied on someone else for a roof over your head??? those are important and untill you have fulfilled all of them you have no buisness living with a female especially a GF. If you have then you might as well head to vegas so you can get your swirve on and have a clean conscience about it if you are ready to move in you should be ready for the whole package....if you are having prolonged "thoughts" about this situation the red lights should be on and the sirens a' screamn'.

and yes......... I said hankey pankey.

Warrior Poet

 

[charligirl]

I have few thoughts on this.

I would advise against this for a number of reasons:

1) Living together on your own without other housemates is a very intimate thing, I know this from experience. You share your bathroom, cooking and shopping together, it will be VERY VERY hard not to end up taking your relationship further physically, trust me, I've been there.

2) From the point of view of temptation you will be subjecting yourselves to it daily, which is not wisdom

3) I know it has nothing to do with others, but.... we are called to be salt and light and a witness to the world. Your example others, non-christians and new christians in particular, will not be a good one because noone is going to believe that you really never do anything physically. It could be a stumbling block. Also we are told to abstain from all appearance of evil 1 Thess 5:22 (KJV) so, not just evil, but what ever may look like evil.

4) The bible says that you are to leave your parents and cleave to your wife, not girlfriend or fiancee.

5) Marrying and moving in together are precious experiences, the whole journey and excitement of marriage begins when you start to live under the same roof. I think by living as man and wife do (but without sex) you will take away from the excitement and the journey of marriage. You will spoil it.

I have lived with boyfriends when I was backslidden... I'm so glad I didn't live with my husband before we married. The whole learning to live with each other bit is exciting and terrifying, but it is a special thing that should be reserved for two people of one flesh.

Oh, yes, Warrior Poet has a good point, you should live on your own first! and I would also like to ask why such a long engagement??

 

[Joe84]

I would also like to ask why such a long engagement??

He said she was his girlfriend. Maybe he'll propse in a few years and they'll have a six month engagement.

 

[Mrs K 2004]

May I ask why you are waiting so long before marriage?

As far as moving in together; that is something you need to strongly discuss with the Lord and your pastor!

It could work out perfectly, just saving money and growing closer together! However, it is very intimate (as posted above) and you do many many things together, and it could be VERY easy for temptation to set in!

I wish you the best of luck on your decision!

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I don't have a yes/no thought on this. I believe it depends from situation to situation.

Can you live on your own financially?
Can she live on her own financially?
Will there be anyone living there besides just the two of you?

If you both can live on your own, then my opinion is that it's unwise. If you can't live on your own financially, I suggest roomates.

I haven't lived with my boyfriend, but we have spent 2 weeks living together while I was visiting (we're seperated by 500 miles). It's a totally different ballpark. Just 2 weeks (along with his family) was stressful for the both of us at times and challenging. You can't just go home if you have an arguement and soemthing goes wrong. It also depends on your levelof commitment. If you're not engaged, I highly advise you reconsidering.

 

[DaveKerwin]

For the love of God, don't do it. You would be making a horrible mistake. GET MARRIED!!!!!

You don't need a high dollar fancy pants wedding. Just get married, like this summer.

 

[John the Engineer]

If you both know you're for eachother, and are willing to move in and become financially dependent on eachother, it sounds like you're close to being ready to get married. I would go see a CHRISTIAN marriage councelor (or ... a Pastor?) about if you two should get married.

I like the analogy of sleeping with the cookie jar on the nightstand. It's really easy to just one night decide that you'll sleep in the same bed together, then eventually maybe you can hold eachother, then .... Yeah.

I would advise against that, even if you were engaged and ready to be married at the end of the year, you shouldn't put yourself in the place to be tempted. It's too easy to justify anything at that point. And if you're not ready to be married, or have doubts, then you're putting yourself in a position where God's will may be tough to find because you're so interconnected.

Be careful!

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Getting married isn't always the answer. Don't get married because you want to live together or have sex. Marriage is a life long commitment. The two become one. Don't be rash.

 

[lucypevensie]

I'd say don't do it. If you don't want to have sex before marriage then why on earth would you place yourself in such a vulnerable position to stumble? Can you think of any other situation MORE tempting than this?

Don't conclude that there are no other options for living arrangements.

 

[msjones21]

I think it's absolutely impossible to live with your girlfriend of two years in a strictly platonic state. There's no way. The margin for temptation is so big, why risk it? Why are you two waiting so long to get married? Is it to selfishly pursue a successful career? I mean, why wait until you're almost 30 years old to wed when you've already been together for two years? It's not more financially beneficial to live together and it certainly isn't beneficial to your walk with Christ. Don't do it. Either get your own place and live alone, stick to the living arrangements you have now, or get married.

 

[brettnolan]

If I could do it all over again, I would NEVER have lived with any of my girlfriends and especially not my former wife prior to marriage. It is NOT God's will, even if it IS His will for you to marry. Charligirl's post is the best one so far, I would suggest you read that one again and again and again.

Also, don't fall into the financial trap (it's more economical to live together). It may be true, but you both need to live on your own for a while, at least a year. See what that's like.

When you move in together, there is nothing left. You may as well be married. And if you think nothing will happen in the bedroom(s), you're REALLY fooling yourselves. It's hard enough to save yourself, without the added pressure of looking at your TOTALLY HOT mate all day everyday and everynight (in their PJ's).

I know how you guys are about this sort of thing, but I'll bring it up anyway...

Studies continue to show that living together prior to marriage actually increases the chances of its failure and I know you don't want that.






The source for that I will tentatively give as a nighttime news show (20/20, Primetime, or such), if I have to find out the exact one I can do that, but it will take some time as I'll be on vacation next week.

 

[LadyBird]

Don't move in together. There are ALWAYS options that can solve this issue. Living together with your S.O. is NOT neccessary.

Can't you find a roommate who is a male....put an add in the paper or find a Christian room mate from another church maybe? By living together and being a couple and NOT being married, you certainly are not avoiding the appearance of evil, even if you do have seperate bedrooms. When a couple lives together, others usually assume that they are sleeping together too. People shouldn't assume, I agree, but why would you want to risk hurting your witness? We of all people, especially as representatives of Christ, should care how we look to other people and what our actions will do to our witness. And also, the temptation would be SOOOO much more worse. In my opinion, if it damages your witness, it is NOT worth it.

I also wanted to say that just because the Bible doesn't say "Thou shalt not live with your girlfriend/boyfriend" it doesn't mean that since there is no where in the Bible that comes right out and says it is wrong, that it makes it okay to live with your S.O.

If you really do believe you are soul mates and that she is the one, why not just get married? YOu have been together for 2 years, are a decent age and sound like you are financially stable.

If a couple is living together and having sex but say that there are other reasons why they are living together...obviously one of the reasons why they are shacking up is so that they can have sex too.

I mean in the end, it is a decision that will be made between you and your girlfriend, regardless of what we tell you...you will do what you want in the end. Pray long and hard about it and ask older, wiser Christians what they think.

And what if you don't get married in the end and break up? I really do think that it would be SOOOOO much more difficult to break up and go your seperate ways after living with your S.O.

I believe that there are very FEW situations and circumstances in which it is OK to live with your S.O. And to me, yours isn't one of them....I don't want to seem rude or judgemental.

Just think about it long and hard and if it is REALLY neccessary. Also, people who live with their boyfriend/girlfriend before they get married have a higher chance of getting divorced, suffering from depression and abuse too.

 

[SirKenin]

Me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years have recently seriously considered moving in together, I know it in my heart that this is who God has placed in my life to be my mate. She brought me to the Father and a year into our relationship I was saved, we were then Baptized together shortly thereafter. We both hold our Christian faith in very high regard and have sworn a vow of cellebacy until marriage which would still be several years into the future. Now the idea to move out is not purely motivated by us just living together, we are both in a point in our lives were moving out is inevitable, I'm 24 and have a firm position on my career path, she is turning 23 and just recieved her Bachelors degree already finding greaty employment in her field(The Lord's blessings are PLENTIFUL!!!) I currently live with my brother and his wife along with my 2 newly born nephews, It has come to a point where it is time for me to no longer be a burder upon his household and her father feels it is time for her to leave the nest. Our original thoughts were just to get a one bedroom but after much deliberation have decided upon a 2 bedroom place to further secure our status of "house or roommates" purely plutonic as I mentioned above. Now, my question is, Is this just a means by me and her to Justify our living together as being "OK" or is this a truly viable option. Is it "crossing the line" so to speak? It is something that has been on my mind as of late and I could use some advice, thanks in advance for any help or suggestions offered,
Steve
In need of some

Nothing in the Bible says you can't and nothing in the Bible states that it's a sin, either.

 

[katelyn]

If this is for financial reasons, I have to say, it's usually not too hard to find roommates. Ask around church, put an ad in the paper, or even a roommate site on the Internet. I found two nice Christian roommates through a newspaper ad. God will provide what you need.

If it's not for financial reasons, I guess I wonder why you feel you want to live together before marriage.

 

[AngelLuved]

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and blessings. It is something I have thought about for a while now and through these last several days confirmed with my gf. We've decided not to move in together. The thought of, as others have mentioned, damaging our witness, is of great concern to us, we work together at a second job and feel as though many there (almost ALL non-christians) look up to us, not to say that we are the best couple in the world but it is obvious the role that God plays within our relationship above the others in our workplace. It's also made me realize that we would be relaying the wrong message to her 2 younger brothers, who may be facing the same dilema in a few very short years. I guess it's something that we had been looking forward to and to realize the faults in our plans it is a bit discouraging. We are not ready for marriage at this point, the financial aspect plays a great role in that decision, Don't get me wrong, I would go to the absolute greatest lengths to provide for my family, but at the same time I want to give to my future bride the wedding she deserves, the house we deserve and the future that God has in store for us the right way. I know, Follow God's plan for our life, not our own. Thank you all for being a point of guidance and inspiration, and if you could I would greatly appreciate it if you said a prayer for us,
Steve and Taren

 

[LadyBird]

Wow, I am SOOO happy to hear that you are NOT moving in together. And I don't even know you. There are ALWAYS other options. You and your girlfriend, if you ever do get married, will have a happier marriage because you didn't live together before you got married. Stick to your decision because it is the right thing to do and the most godly thing to do as well. God bless you.

 

[charligirl]

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and blessings. It is something I have thought about for a while now and through these last several days confirmed with my gf. We've decided not to move in together. The thought of, as others have mentioned, damaging our witness, is of great concern to us, we work together at a second job and feel as though many there (almost ALL non-christians) look up to us, not to say that we are the best couple in the world but it is obvious the role that God plays within our relationship above the others in our workplace. It's also made me realize that we would be relaying the wrong message to her 2 younger brothers, who may be facing the same dilema in a few very short years. I guess it's something that we had been looking forward to and to realize the faults in our plans it is a bit discouraging. We are not ready for marriage at this point, the financial aspect plays a great role in that decision, Don't get me wrong, I would go to the absolute greatest lengths to provide for my family, but at the same time I want to give to my future bride the wedding she deserves, the house we deserve and the future that God has in store for us the right way. I know, Follow God's plan for our life, not our own. Thank you all for being a point of guidance and inspiration, and if you could I would greatly appreciate it if you said a prayer for us,
Steve and Taren

Amen! I am really pleased you have come to this place, I will pray for you

 

[DaveKerwin]

thats a relief, you were about to make one of the biggest mistakes of your life. I`m glad you did the right thing.