S
swashyrose
Guest
These are just thoughts, being thrown open to discussion. I've really struggled with this topic. Perhaps partly or mostly due to being undiagnosed til recently, I became ill last year with depression, anxiety disorder and somatization disorder, making up a 'physically manifested nervous breakdown' from too much built up tension and psychological pain from trying so freaken hard for 25 years to 'get it right' and 'be normal'. I'm still recovering and will take at least another year to fully recover. Once one has begged God, believed, declared, tried, been prayed for enough times and are still unwell, perhaps one should just resort to trusting that God has put you with a psychologist whose advice is trustworthy. She suggests that in this day and age, the internet is a convenient and sometimes adequate source for social contact and making friendships. You can talk to, pray for, support and get to know other Christians, other people with Aspergers, etc. I think considering how difficult and harmful it can be for us to be in certain social situations, the internet should be an adequate filler for the 'FELLOWSHIP' gauge. Since realizing I will never be normal and there's no good reason to attempt it, I started embracing my 'truer' self. I embrace my old, previously stifled 'nerdy and juvenile' interests. Occasionally I will spend money on them, realizing other christians may see these things as pointless, childish or unhealthy etc. But I don't go out with friends, party, drink, I can't eat most foods because of my accompanying IBS and food allergies. I can't make ambitious plans or travel too far because I never know when I'll suddenly break down or feel physically awful. I have a very restricted life all the time. Surely God didn't make me this way only to leave me with no way to find enjoyment? When one suffers SO MUCH pain, I think having our own little obsessions and interests isn't selfish or idolatry, it's deliberatley enjoying life in whatever ways we can that aren't destructive. I don't go to church because it's too difficult and overwhelming and it's very hard for me to focus on God there. I worship at home in my personal way and sometimes meet with a couple of Christian friends in my home.
I read the Bible and have no difficulty mustering the curiosity or stamina to research several teachings on anything that confuses me. I care about poor and afflicted people, as in, I want to end their suffering, but I can't help them with my presence, crying with them, listening in a caring and patient way or hugging them. My reaction to suffering has never been to comfort, it's always been 'how can we find a practical solution?' and surely the world needs people like us as well as the comforters. From home I can raise funds and spread awareness for the poor and afflicted. Sometimes I feel like the best way to be loving to some people is to avoid coming into contact with them because I cannot provide the emotions and friendship they need and could just make them feel offended or alienated with my awkward attempts. Because hurts from others can linger and broil so easily I find the concept of forgiveness tricky, so I try my best to erase those resentful actions from my memory so I can be loving more easily. CAN WE DO CHRISTIANITY THIS WAY? All these things are thoughts that bounce around the rational part of my brain, but I constantly worry that because I do things differently, it's wrong or not good enough. How do you find peace between your Aspergian tendencies and will to be an obedient Chrisitian?
I read the Bible and have no difficulty mustering the curiosity or stamina to research several teachings on anything that confuses me. I care about poor and afflicted people, as in, I want to end their suffering, but I can't help them with my presence, crying with them, listening in a caring and patient way or hugging them. My reaction to suffering has never been to comfort, it's always been 'how can we find a practical solution?' and surely the world needs people like us as well as the comforters. From home I can raise funds and spread awareness for the poor and afflicted. Sometimes I feel like the best way to be loving to some people is to avoid coming into contact with them because I cannot provide the emotions and friendship they need and could just make them feel offended or alienated with my awkward attempts. Because hurts from others can linger and broil so easily I find the concept of forgiveness tricky, so I try my best to erase those resentful actions from my memory so I can be loving more easily. CAN WE DO CHRISTIANITY THIS WAY? All these things are thoughts that bounce around the rational part of my brain, but I constantly worry that because I do things differently, it's wrong or not good enough. How do you find peace between your Aspergian tendencies and will to be an obedient Chrisitian?
