Those in broken marriages..

[peacechild4]

How do you cope with holidays and two families... etc..

With your ex.. do you see them much.. or choose to stay away??

As much as I want to be with my whole family.. it just hurts too much.. seeing him with his life so together.. and having no money.. lots of bills and struggling.. I just feel it so much more..

He has invited me to see his mother who is in town.. and I love her.. but it just isn't the same anymore.. but I still want to be there if you know what I mean..

I still feel his putdowns and disrespect.. I don't want to be rude.. but... hard..

How do you all cope with the family and ex.. and well my husband is still my husband but totally separate...

 

[JohnDB]

I would treat him as the traitor he is. I do my ex. She is a worthless, backstabbing, self-centered person.

I do not allow her to step foot in my house and I refuse to step foot in hers.

I have a new life. She has tried in every way imaginable to make my life hell. I look forward to the day I can get a restraining order taken out on her....she will violate it and I will have her thrown in jail.

And as far as holidays go?
I make this home the center of my son's holiday. I refuse to keep up with my ex wife as far as presents go. She is an idea thief. This year I bought my son an E-reader...so she gave him one just before he got here for the holidays for his Christmas present from her. (not her first time doing something along these lines...she did a trip to Disney a couple of years back when she knew I was taking him...and the list goes on)

We make a gingerbread house together, we make cookies to give away, we wrap presents for others. We decorate. We do all the preparations for the holidays.

In the end it isn't some gadget he gets for Christmas that will be in his memories when he gets old...it will be the Gingerbread houses, the cookies, the tree trimming, the gift giving and all the decorating that he will remember. Soooo...I will win in the end with the things that really matter most. He will prefer my house to his mother's for Christmas...she will be broke and destitute one day here soon after she no longer robs me of Child support. My son will actually be the recipient of his own support and get to spend it on himself for a change.

You can have the holidays be what you make it. All up to you.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Wow. I thought I had it bad with my ex.

I've had to turn down a Christmas request, it involves a six-hour round trip drive with her. She asked me to think about it and pray about it, and all that comes back is reasons not to do it. Somehow another six hours of being told that I'm evil, deceitful, extremely selfish and that I should stop molesting kitty cats doesn't come high on the agenda of things to do this Christmas. So, a trip from Chicago, Ill to Danville, Ill (three hours approximately one way, then probably three or four hours there, then another three hours back) isn't going to happen in my truck.

I can handle the long drive, I do this for a living. I could probably honor the request from almost anybody else. That's because nobody else would give me a hard time like that. I just can't do this trip under those circumstances. It would be like going to Hell without having to die first. Who needs that????

PC4, I doubt that JB's response or mine are exactly what you're looking for. It's reality though, and sometimes reality--- well, I can't use that kind of language here so I won't.

 

[JCMJ friend]

Yes I been divorced for over 8 years now,Im not so hurt that I split up with my ex because he wasnt a proper husband and doesnt do much for our 12 year son.I do sometimes get lonely and have prayed to God to send me a new christian soulmate as my ex is not christian and that was alot of the problems.Hes had many girlfriends since me,hes has one now and has been with her surprisly for a while.He seems to spend his money on them,even though the ones in the past werent true love but he was using them for one thing,but when it comes to spending time or money on our son he lacks.I wont go into too much detail but he teated me and my son very badly,i love Jesus but it would be nice to have a human man soulmate to love and adore and someone who would cheris and love me and my son.Its a struggle coping with money and going to work ,looking after the home,house,diy everything you have to do on your own.

 

[Gwenyfur]

I let my "Bug" purchase a christmas gift for him and mail him a card with her school pics in it...

but anything more than that...oh so not happening...

he's the one who cheated, he's hte one who walked out...he's the one who can spend that holiday alone...or with his new chicka...or wherever...but he's *NOT* spending it with the family he wounded.

Does that make me a bad person??? Probably by some people's standards...but the reality of it is...why would I lie and play nice when everyone...even the child...would know it's fake???!!!

Why subject yourself to that level of pain and reopen wounds only to rub salt in them...

The family as a single unit is done...holidays don't change that...and pretending certainly isn't going to promote healing and healthy progression in moving on...

 

[sweet juicy]

Now it is the season of party again, everybody is busy preparing Christmas parties and gatherings. At the same time, every woman has been trying hard to pursue the most wonderful outfit for Christmas parties so that they can flaunt among acquaintances that are difficult to meet for once a year. While the essential part of your Christmas outfit is a fabulous handbag.

 

[iambren]

We usually go to my mother's to celebrate Christmas eve. Then she takes the two boys herself to celebrate Christmas day at her mother's house. It all goes rather smoothly; ex and I work very well together and if there ever was a warm dissolution then we had it.

The only hiccup for me is this year she will be taking the boys out of state for a week after Christmas to visit her brothers. I always get blue, lonely, and reminisce during times like that.

 

[peacechild4]

Thanks all for sharing.. and I cannot believe what some people will do... how can they sleep at night???

Maybe somone saw my posts.. LOL.. and prayed.. but I had a peaceful evening with my husband and his mother and the children.. he even gave me a really thoughtful gift.. I gave him something too.. we did that early because he is working Christmas..

I did put up our christmas tree... I wasn't going too.. but decided yes I would and my daughter helped.. you are right Christmas is what you make it..

 

[dayhiker]

My ex is remarried. She has no interest in hanging out with me. Makes sense.
The boys don't do much with me .. their pretty busy with their own lives.
I'm heading to my parents this Christmas with my GF.

I'm thinking next year when I have the house setup I can have a dinner and invite everyone over .. tho my oldest may be in Afghanistan by then. That will be sad.

 

[mjmcmillan]

PC4, I'm glad to read that you're on good enough terms with your ex that the two of you could make that happen.

Obviously from my previous post, I'm not on nearly so good terms with my ex, the only reason she calls me these days is to use me for something and after the things said before and during the divorce I'm having none of it. It still hurts too much when I think of what happened, the things said and the nasty things behind it all. Six more hours of being run into the ground while doing a favor ain't gonna happen.

Yesterday, I visited my brother for a bit. He's in a nursing home because he really can't take care of himself, and right now I'm the only relative in the area. So, even though his conversation can leave much to be desired a weekly visit is part of the program. Christmas??? Not exactly. He's a radical Jehovah's Witness and even mentioning Christmas around him doesn't meet with much favor.

Other than that, took it easy for Christmas. No gifts exchanged (my other brother and sister are also Jehovah's Witnesses, though not quite so hostile towards anything holiday-related), not much reason to worry about decorations and so on. Apart from the aforementioned brother in the nursing home, no other relatives in the area so nobody to visit. So, an evening of rest and reflection.

 

[peacechild4]

Brother hope you were not too sad on your own.. some people would find that very difficult.. how kind of you to visit your brother.. sure he must so appreciate that..

It seems to me that more people are doing the same without families around them.. I hope I get to meet more like you through the year.. so next Christmas I can gather together with others the same and make it an extra special christmas.. it can be such a special time.. thanks for commenting.. I have never met a Jehovahs wittness.. they call past the house occasionally.. but usually the kids answer and they leave before I can meet them..

 

[followingHim681]

I've only had to deal with one major holiday since I left my husband and I had an emergency protection order out on him at Christmas/New Years, so we haven't had to deal with it yet. I honestly don't know how it'll go or how I'll handle things. I'm just letting God lead the way. Neither of our kids want anything to do with him right now, but our daughter (an adult) has expressed some interest in keeping her heart open. The trouble is, every time she's gotten her hopes up, he's disappointed her by being selfish or materialistic. I hope someday there can be healing for them. I look forward to reading advice on here.

 

[peacechild4]

Time does heal hearts.. the childrens and yours.. and lots of prayer and patient loving friends..

You are wise to let GOD lead the way.. it is a horrible situation for all involved..

 

[peacechild4]

I have a dillema on my hands... My husband turns forty next month.. having a big birthday party.. been separated since 2009 august to be exact.. he sent me an invite.. but this hurt.. and with friend??? He meant woman friend.. or supportive someone to talk too friend.. sigh but just weeird.. he will be chatting with any number of people and his family and our older children.. I couldn't bear a big party even a small one for my fortieth last year.. I wish he wasn't so happy over our break up and able to move on.. I mean that sounds mean.. but it is hard when things are still hard for me and the kids..

I have no idea if I should even go..

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, PC, that does sound difficult for you. But don't read too much happiness into his life. Keep focused in your new life and that you'd not dealing with the issues your ex was causing you. Your on the way to your new life that will be happy as well.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi following him,
Welcome to CF.

 

[followingHim681]

Thanks for the welcome and for the kind words. I think this is a place I'll come to often. I am struggling with so much right now. God bless all of you.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, we all have times of struggle ... they pass after a while.
Your welcome to vent here or ask our opinion. We love to give opinions. Ofcourse
since there are free they might be worth 2 cents .. or maybe you'll get lucky and get a million dollar answer.

But I think the best part of venting here is you can get 5 different evaluations of yhour situtation and then you get to pick the one you like best. The rest of us don't know you rejected out views so we don't get all huffy and insult ... which happens in real life just before we pick our toys and go home ..... lol