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This Psychiatrist Might Need a Psychiatrist
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<blockquote data-quote="Ana the Ist" data-source="post: 76011615" data-attributes="member: 302807"><p>Shame is a powerful feeling but it's hard for me to reconcile that explanation with what I see.</p><p></p><p>I was proven wrong on another thread earlier this year. I had made assumptions about evidence that I was wrong about. I was given that evidence and proven wrong. </p><p></p><p>I admitted my previous statements were wrong, I thanked the person for correcting me, I said I retracted my earlier comments and now agreed....and then left the thread.</p><p></p><p>It was nice of the person to not shame or gloat about it. I think more of them for doing so.</p><p></p><p>I don't really see many others admitting they were wrong that way. Instead, I see people vigorously double down beyond all rational thought or engage in personal attacks or self aggrandizement. </p><p></p><p>If so many people can stubbornly resist the obvious in defense of their own personal beliefs instead of admitting they were wrong.....like all people are... </p><p></p><p>Why do they so easily acquiesce to the burden of guilt for things they have not done?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I can understand that. For my part, I had various friends from various races...though the majority were white. I heard racist stuff from many of them but it was always different. I had black friends whose family had said things that were subtle but clearly racist....perhaps because I was around. I had a black friend who, around other black friends, would say some of the most openly racist things I've heard, as if they were fact. I've heard some similar things from white people as well...but the reactions were typically different. People would seem ashamed, try to change the topic, or even apologize. </p><p></p><p>I didn't know any latino people till much later. I have a latino coworker and friend who says that till he was 18...he thought being racist wasn't just normal, it was acceptable. He was brought up hating white people and he assumed white people were brought up hating him. He got into the military at 18, was surrounded by white people and only 1 other latino. When he started saying racist things about the whites to the latino and the guy responded that he was really racist and he wasn't going to talk with him anymore...it forced a change in perspective on him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I honestly can't say I've had any white guilt. I don't feel much guilt for things I actually do....I feel contempt for being accused of things I haven't done. </p><p></p><p>My wife once asked me why I never seem anxious or stressed. I told her it's one of very few upsides to genuinely not caring much about what others think of me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My black friends openly boasted about thefts they got away with. I remember one telling me about stealing a bike from a white kid when he was 10 or 11...he figured the white kid would give it up easily. He was surprised when the kid started punching him and wouldn't let the bike go. The point was he actually respected the kid more for being physically violent. </p><p></p><p>I can't help but reflect on that, wonder where it comes from, and how widespread a belief like that could be. Sadly, I don't think we'll get to the root of any problems until we can honestly hold such conversations with each other without the fear of being judged.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ana the Ist, post: 76011615, member: 302807"] Shame is a powerful feeling but it's hard for me to reconcile that explanation with what I see. I was proven wrong on another thread earlier this year. I had made assumptions about evidence that I was wrong about. I was given that evidence and proven wrong. I admitted my previous statements were wrong, I thanked the person for correcting me, I said I retracted my earlier comments and now agreed....and then left the thread. It was nice of the person to not shame or gloat about it. I think more of them for doing so. I don't really see many others admitting they were wrong that way. Instead, I see people vigorously double down beyond all rational thought or engage in personal attacks or self aggrandizement. If so many people can stubbornly resist the obvious in defense of their own personal beliefs instead of admitting they were wrong.....like all people are... Why do they so easily acquiesce to the burden of guilt for things they have not done? I can understand that. For my part, I had various friends from various races...though the majority were white. I heard racist stuff from many of them but it was always different. I had black friends whose family had said things that were subtle but clearly racist....perhaps because I was around. I had a black friend who, around other black friends, would say some of the most openly racist things I've heard, as if they were fact. I've heard some similar things from white people as well...but the reactions were typically different. People would seem ashamed, try to change the topic, or even apologize. I didn't know any latino people till much later. I have a latino coworker and friend who says that till he was 18...he thought being racist wasn't just normal, it was acceptable. He was brought up hating white people and he assumed white people were brought up hating him. He got into the military at 18, was surrounded by white people and only 1 other latino. When he started saying racist things about the whites to the latino and the guy responded that he was really racist and he wasn't going to talk with him anymore...it forced a change in perspective on him. I honestly can't say I've had any white guilt. I don't feel much guilt for things I actually do....I feel contempt for being accused of things I haven't done. My wife once asked me why I never seem anxious or stressed. I told her it's one of very few upsides to genuinely not caring much about what others think of me. My black friends openly boasted about thefts they got away with. I remember one telling me about stealing a bike from a white kid when he was 10 or 11...he figured the white kid would give it up easily. He was surprised when the kid started punching him and wouldn't let the bike go. The point was he actually respected the kid more for being physically violent. I can't help but reflect on that, wonder where it comes from, and how widespread a belief like that could be. Sadly, I don't think we'll get to the root of any problems until we can honestly hold such conversations with each other without the fear of being judged. [/QUOTE]
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