This is my story

[ditzmeister]

I came into this world from a teenage mom and a teenage dad. I don't remember much at all at the real early age of life, but by 4 years old I remember Mom crying a lot and my dad not being around much at all. By age 7 my dad and mom were divorced and I remember being dragged back and forth from my moms(who was staying with her mom & dad) my grandparents and my dads new(well not new studio apartment.) I would be at my moms most of the time , but I would visit my dad on several weekends. By the age of 9 things started to change. When I visited instead of him sleeping on the floor and letting me have the whole pull out sofa bed he was sleeping in there with me. At first I thought nothing of it. We would just wake up and it was like a daughter snuggling with her dad. Well one day that changed. I remember it so vividly even though I have tried endlessless to forgot this memory in my life. He got into bed and said it was hot so he took off his boxer shorts that he always slept in. I was like okay and thought we were going to sleep. The next thing I knew my nightgown was being lifted up and he began to get closer and closer to me assuring me that everything was okay. To make this story short and not to go into detail this the first time my dad raped me. This continued on for almost two years until one day I was talking with a friend about sex. Girls do that when they are 11. I told her my little secret that was burning inside me for almost two years. A few days later Protective Child services was at my grandparents door step. I still remember my mom and grandparents face when I started to tell the story. The tears and the anger. I really thought my mom was going to leave right then and kill my dad. Well years have past and I continue with counseling. My mom has met a great new man and he became my Step Dad when I was 14. My real dad is still locked up and for a long time. I will never have to have contact with him again because I am now a legal adult.

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your heart hun. xo dee

 

[ditzmeister]

Thank You Dee.

 

[JoyforJESUS]

My heart goes out to you ditz.

on an aside, ditz you asked me what my joy is...

I want to tell you that the Heavenly Father, is a wonderful father! He is always there and always good.
I want you to have a relationship with Our Heavenly Father.

 

[nhisname]

He (our heavenly Father) is your fortress and your strength; take hold of the fringes (tzitzits) of his garment (tallit) and Do Not Let Go. Shalom (peace)

 

[razzelflabben]

But how do you see, how do you trust a father when father's are dangerous people?

This is a question I have been battling for awhile now. Both my father and brother were dangerous people to know. I can easily trust King God, He is a kind master. Creator God, no problem, etc. you get the picture. But Father God, Brother God, they aren't so easy. To trust them, I become vulnerable. How do you see and be loved by Father God when all you know is dangerous fathers?

 

[ditzmeister]

I thank all of you. That is why I am hear to leasrn and see what this relationship thing is. I really appreciate all the concern and help.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Criada]

Praying for you, sweetie... memories are very hard to deal with, but it soounds as though you are facing things and living your life without letting this horrible experience hold you back.
God bless you, and your little one

 

[ditzmeister]

Thank You for your kind words.

 

[Johnnz]

But how do you see, how do you trust a father when father's are dangerous people?

This is a question I have been battling for awhile now. Both my father and brother were dangerous people to know. I can easily trust King God, He is a kind master. Creator God, no problem, etc. you get the picture. But Father God, Brother God, they aren't so easy. To trust them, I become vulnerable. How do you see and be loved by Father God when all you know is dangerous fathers?

By God doing that in and for you.

Have you read "The Shack"? You may find that helpful. It deals with this issue as part of its story.

John
NZ

 

[razzelflabben]

By God doing that in and for you.

Have you read "The Shack"? You may find that helpful. It deals with this issue a sp-art of its story.

John
NZ

I began exploring Father God in earnest recently. I understand the concept, but not with my heart. After much prayer and soul searching, I think that at least for me, at this time, for this season, I wait for God to find me. (please keep in mind there are other aspects of God that I get very well, it's just the father and brother parts that stump me still)

As to the book, no I haven't read it, and can't really afford it, but I'll keep an eye out for it, and if God so directs, I will pick it up and read it. I get the concept, and can "convince" anyone of God's father love, anyone except myself at least in my heart, in my trust.

 

[Johnnz]

You are not at all unusual in having such a difficulty. I have spent time with several people with similar traumatic backgrounds who couldn't see God as Father. Some were helped by having a close relationship with a family where they saw fatherhood modelled.

John
NZ

 

[trt]

Sorry to hear about what happened to you ditzmeister, here's a hug for you.

 

[nicola_whiteside]

bless you
i'm so proud you brought yourslef justice, you are beautiful. Maybe one day you'll forgive but you'll never forget. I hope one day you'll be okay
HUGE HUGE SNUGGLY HUGS

 

[myanchor]

Dear Child of God, I wan't raped by my dad, but was molested by my older sibling. My dad was very cold and distant. He did not tell me he loved me until I was 21, and then only after I asked him if he did. His excuse was stupid, I thought you knew. My reply was how was I to know unless you told me, I didn't feel like you did, you never hugged me or held me. You always seemed to feel I was in the way or you were angry with me.

So, I had to be re-fathered by God the father. And I heard someone say that since we are born again or re-born, why shouldn't we be re-fathered?

Ask Him to re-father you, I think you will be glad you did.