this dang forgiveness thing

[Annessa3]

I want to forgive my ex. I am intentionally forgiving my ex.
I will repeat it as many times (a day, a week) as it takes, and I truly give my heart into it each time. I have forGIVEN him to God.

I just wish I didn't have to do it so often! I hope that as time passes, my intentions and prayers will bear fruit and I will be able to let this go. The pain, the unfairness, all of it. There is still some anger with my sadness, and both anger and sadness are caused by the promises broken. Those dang expectations, they'll get you every time, eh?

so please say a prayer for me.
thanx

 

[olds8598]

I want to forgive my ex. I am intentionally forgiving my ex.
I will repeat it as many times (a day, a week) as it takes, and I truly give my heart into it each time. I have forGIVEN him to God.

I just wish I didn't have to do it so often! I hope that as time passes, my intentions and prayers will bear fruit and I will be able to let this go. The pain, the unfairness, all of it. There is still some anger with my sadness, and both anger and sadness are caused by the promises broken. Those dang expectations, they'll get you every time, eh?

so please say a prayer for me.
thanx

Prayer said, Annessa.

I too struggle with forgiveness.

[[[hugs]]]

 

[ob77]

Because you are "forgiving" over and over, means you simply are not.
When you forgive someone for any sort of trespass, you are handing it over to God, who can deal with things much better than you can, which is why we forgive in the first place.
On the other hand, when Christ was asked how many times we should forgive a brother , the answer was 7x70 or 490 times a day. Even I, as much as I try, cannot commit that many sins a day. When we ask to be forgiven, the slate is wiped clean. One can commit sin in ignorance and it does not get written up somewhere, but when one commits sin and knows they did so and does not ask for forgiveness, that one sticks. When one does acknowledge that they committed a transgression against a brother or against God and realizes it and owns up to it, and asks for forgiveness, then at that time God gives you the nod and erases it from the blackboard.

 

[Annessa3]

Because you are "forgiving" over and over, means you simply are not.
When you forgive someone for any sort of trespass, you are handing it over to God, who can deal with things much better than you can, which is why we forgive in the first place.
On the other hand, when Christ was asked how many times we should forgive a brother , the answer was 7x70 or 490 times a day. Even I, as much as I try, cannot commit that many sins a day. When we ask to be forgiven, the slate is wiped clean. One can commit sin in ignorance and it does not get written up somewhere, but when one commits sin and knows they did so and does not ask for forgiveness, that one sticks. When one does acknowledge that they committed a transgression against a brother or against God and realizes it and owns up to it, and asks for forgiveness, then at that time God gives you the nod and erases it from the blackboard.

I disagree with your first sentence, and I cite the bible quote you yourself used. Just because I forgive someone for doing wrong to me does not mean I forget it. And when pain and anger well up again, because I AM human and I have not forgotten it, then I give it to God again. Exactly as Jesus instructed. And if I need to do that 490 times a day or more, that is exactly my commitment to Jesus; that I continue to dwell in His spirit and forgive the one who wronged me.

And just because my ex husband has not admitted his wrong and asked for forgiveness... does not mean I can withhold my forgiveness. The rest is between him and God. I am only responsible for my part; keeping an open, loving, Christian heart despite the pain. Turning the other cheek. Forgiving 490 or 4900 or 49,000 times a day as needed.

To those who understand and having offered words of prayer and comfort, thank you.
A

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I disagree with your first sentence, and I cite the bible quote you yourself used. Just because I forgive someone for doing wrong to me does not mean I forget it. And when pain and anger well up again, because I AM human and I have not forgotten it, then I give it to God again. Exactly as Jesus instructed. And if I need to do that 490 times a day or more, that is exactly my commitment to Jesus; that I continue to dwell in His spirit and forgive the one who wronged me.

And just because my ex husband has not admitted his wrong and asked for forgiveness... does not mean I can withhold my forgiveness. The rest is between him and God. I am only responsible for my part; keeping an open, loving, Christian heart despite the pain. Turning the other cheek. Forgiving 490 or 4900 or 49,000 times a day as needed.

To those who understand and having offered words of prayer and comfort, thank you.
A

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I agree with you, Annessa. Sometimes there are different depths of something, too. On one level.....we may have given that over to God...but then a whole other level may be revealed to us (then we have to go through the whole process again).....or....like you said.....the issue itself may sting again--in a whole new way (for whatever reason).

 

[Annessa3]

I have always known that God has a sense of humor. On Sunday, my family was around, and I asked for their opinions on whether I could/should text the ex with an old fashioned curse. Yes, I wanted to. Yes, it had been in mind for days, distilled into the exact, concise words I wanted to use. Yes, it would be hurtful. Sfter some discussion, I was almost at the point of typing it out.

My cell phone wouldn't text (technical problems that took time to fix)
So later at dinner, one of the teens asked me if I had sent the text. I laughed and said, 'No, God made it pretty clear that I was not to succomb to that behavior when my phone acted up"

70X7, folks. keep doing it.

I will give a tiny slice of backstory; we were divorced in Sept '13 after 17 years. He was still in the house until 6/1/14, after giving me less than 2 wks notice that he was leaving. I repeatedly asked him to give me the same fresh start he wanted by removing ALL HIS STUFF. Lip service yeses. Same old, same old; after he left, my family helped me move Mass Quantities of his stuff out & to Salvation Army. (I am talking 15 overstuffed bags of clothes, 18 boxes of books & counting, and more). My wish to text and say something lastingly hurtful came from this.

Doesn't matter, I didn't do it. Integrity. Grace. Long suffering. Forgiveness.
repeat those back to me as I need them please

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I have always known that God has a sense of humor. On Sunday, my family was around, and I asked for their opinions on whether I could/should text the ex with an old fashioned curse. Yes, I wanted to. Yes, it had been in mind for days, distilled into the exact, concise words I wanted to use. Yes, it would be hurtful. Sfter some discussion, I was almost at the point of typing it out.

My cell phone wouldn't text (technical problems that took time to fix)
So later at dinner, one of the teens asked me if I had sent the text. I laughed and said, 'No, God made it pretty clear that I was not to succomb to that behavior when my phone acted up"

70X7, folks. keep doing it.

I will give a tiny slice of backstory; we were divorced in Sept '13 after 17 years. He was still in the house until 6/1/14, after giving me less than 2 wks notice that he was leaving. I repeatedly asked him to give me the same fresh start he wanted by removing ALL HIS STUFF. Lip service yeses. Same old, same old; after he left, my family helped me move Mass Quantities of his stuff out & to Salvation Army. (I am talking 15 overstuffed bags of clothes, 18 boxes of books & counting, and more). My wish to text and say something lastingly hurtful came from this.

Doesn't matter, I didn't do it. Integrity. Grace. Long suffering. Forgiveness.
repeat those back to me as I need them please

Awwww! God certainly does have a sense of humour and this is why I love Him so much.

Isn't it weird though, my phone tended to play up when after receiving so many baiting texts I was worn down to the point where I wanted to use some expletives back to him (which meant my ex would have won getting under my skin) and yet I would not be able to send them. So even when my flesh got the better of me, the Lord still took control.

 

[dayhiker]

Great story, Annessa

 

[HannahT]

Honestly? I think forgiveness at times comes in stages. For example, one aspect of your life that is messy...and you finally find peace about it. Then another aspect comes up - and you work on that part. It could be ONE circumstance at a time. I personally think that is a pretty healthy way of doing it.

Other times we are blessed with a time in which we can forgive the whole enchilada!

One way is not better than the other. They are just different paths to the same place.

Don't pressure yourself.

 

[whitebeaches]

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[Messy]

Honestly? I think forgiveness at times comes in stages. For example, one aspect of your life that is messy...and you finally find peace about it. Then another aspect comes up - and you work on that part. It could be ONE circumstance at a time. I personally think that is a pretty healthy way of doing it.

Other times we are blessed with a time in which we can forgive the whole enchilada!

One way is not better than the other. They are just different paths to the same place.

Don't pressure yourself.

The first year I had to forgive him and say it time and time again, I really hated him and it didn't work in my case. Later I called him and asked him to forgive me and he asked me to forgive him and I could really forgive him and sometimes things came up and I forgave him when I thought about it and then I thought I had forgiven him completely, even went to the same church until something he said or so, can't remember what it was and that pain came out of how he treated me and I just couldn't forgive him, I couldn't even say: I choose to forgive him, but then God showed me what I had done to him and I was able to say: I choose to forgive him and then God's love totally filled my heart. Now and then when he's being unreasonable, just once in a few months, it comes up a bit and I have to say it again: 'I forgive you' and it's gone. So yes I think it is in stages.