They Just Don't Get It

[karla]

I have had struggles over the past few years with my parents, mainly my mom, on matters of faith. Now don't get me wrong - she is a great mom and I love her to death and appreciate all that she did and does for me - but when it comes to faith she just doesn't get it, doesn't get me.

A quick background - Mom went to Catholic grade school and it was the same grade school that I went to up until 5th grade. When I was in second grade my parents divorced. Mom sort of stopped going to church. I can remember walking to church by myself on Sundays. She remarried right before I was in 5th grade. At which point we moved out of state and I went to a public school. We went to church every Sunday as a family for about 3 months. After which we became "Cheasters" (Christmas/Easter Catholics) and soon after that we didn't go at all. All of my adolescent/teen years were spent away from the Church and away from the faith. Off I went to college and fell for this guy who was Catholic so, I went to church with him. Little did I know that God had a wonderful plan for me and for us. By using my now husband and the most wonderful priest and friend I could have ever asked for, God brought me back into the faith and I was confirmed on Easter Vigil 1996 with my husband as my sponsor. Since then I have found a home in the Catholic faith and we are raising two beautiful children in that same faith.

Fast forward to the present. Through my growth in the faith I have come to change my thoughts and opinions on many matters. That's what my mom doesn't get. We had a discussion over Christmas about faith/Catholicism. She asked me why I feel the way I do about things because I never felt so strongly while I was growing up to which I pointed out that I wasn't raised Catholic. At first she tried to say that I was and throught he course of discussion she later said that I wasn't. She also revelaed that she doesn't believe in the Real Presence (which shocked me) considering she had 8+ years of a Catholic education. We just don't see eye to eye and alot of the times I feel like she tries to put down the faith to me in little ways. For instance, my grandfather passed away a week ago and my mom dealt with the priest to make the funeral arrangements. All she did was bad mouth this priest to me and made a blanket statement about all priests. About how he shouldn't charge a fee to to the funeral and they shouldn't have to pay the organist. That all the church does is ask for money and that it seems more like a business than a place of worship and comfort. I didn't know what to say. I guess if she was more active in her faith then those things wouldn't seem important. Sometimes I just feel like I am letting down God by not standing up for the beliefs/Church teachings and practices every time she says something. It jsut gets so tiring and I hate the conflict that we share in this matter. Any suggestions on how to handle the situation. I love my mom and I hate being in a battle with her over this and we really do have a good relatioship outside of these disagreements.

 

[Benedicta00]

It sounds like your mom lost faith. I think those who do, get angry and blame the Church for their loss of faith. I think they just pick on the Church because she is there, got to blame someone.

I know it must be hard to hear her knock the Church. My mother in law sometimes makes me do a double take. A once extremely Catholic woman and one who prays the rosary faithfully everyday rain or shine, she walks the neighborhood and says her rosary because she promised our Blessed Mother she would and has been for the last 25 years, but some of the things that she says just freaks me out. She hasn’t lost faith in God and she will never ever be anything but Catholic but she doesn’t go to Mass anymore and she just doesn’t believe in the doctrines that she once did.

 

[Epiphanygirl]

Hugs to you Karla.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, but you are not alone.
I would first invite your mom to Mass with you and your family. If she says no, then you could let that be an opening for discussing how she makes you feel when she says those hurtful things. Out of respect for you and your husband, you could ask her to not vocalize her feelings for the faith around you, as it hurts you.
Most of all, Pray, pray that God interceeds and lightens her heart. maybe she felt abandoned after the divorce and it shook her faith, these might be very old wounds she is dealing with.
Saying a Novena for her would also be a wonderful thing, as well as the gift of a green scapular.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers, stay strong, keep the faith!

 

[colleen]

I have an idea of what you are going through. Though my parents raised me in the faith they are cafeteria catholics and often get annoyed with the more traditional stance I adopted in college. I have found that through patient discussions my mom has been more open to my view. I pray for God's strength when these discussions come up.
Suggestions:
Offer it up in
Eucharistic Adoration
Rosary
Novena
Prayer with your patron saint

The people who brought you into the church probably spent a lot of time in prayer for you. And, as hard as this is to hear, you might be planting seeds that won't be blossoming for a while. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Colleen