There's Something In Your Room

[ListenerFriendly]

I just about abandoned this place. Just to give the appearance that I am still around--I thought I'd post this piece I wrote a few months back. Of course, in my sig is a link to where you can read more of my "word art."

There’s something in your room
The walls crouch in against your neck
And beads of sweat drip from the pores
Like a leaky faucet, seeping down to your breasts
While you submerge your face in a pillow
As the ceiling fan turns and brushes across
Your hip and your upper legs--a familiar hand
Cold and trembling, dirty flesh on virgin skin
The closet door awakens and peaks in the room
Like your mother’s nightgown, and your daddy’s
Black Suede--the scent still pressing and strong

There’s something in your room
It’s reaching up from the floor to the bedpost
The mattress springs shudder and shimmy and creek
You cover your ears and dodge to the depths
The embrace and safety of the soggy quilt, stained
With mascara from your eyes that see both a rabid lover
And an enemy in disguise--chasing and never relenting
Grabbing for your hand and your gut and the rest
Peeling skin from your shoulders, but never letting go

There’s something in your room
That no ounce of brandy will ever shake loose
There’s something in your room
That the walls can’t swallow or spit away
There’s something in your room
That the windows can’t bite or suck out the scent
There’s something in your room
Like every other time before, it’s after you
There’s something in your room
And, by now you know, there is nothing you can do

 

[trt]

I like the lyrics

 

[wslctrc]

I just about abandoned this place. Just to give the appearance that I am still around--I thought I'd post this piece I wrote a few months back. Of course, in my sig is a link to where you can read more of my "word art."

There’s something in your room
The walls crouch in against your neck
And beads of sweat drip from the pores
Like a leaky faucet, seeping down to your breasts
While you submerge your face in a pillow
As the ceiling fan turns and brushes across
Your hip and your upper legs--a familiar hand
Cold and trembling, dirty flesh on virgin skin
The closet door awakens and peaks in the room
Like your mother’s nightgown, and your daddy’s
Black Suede--the scent still pressing and strong

There’s something in your room
It’s reaching up from the floor to the bedpost
The mattress springs shudder and shimmy and creek
You cover your ears and dodge to the depths
The embrace and safety of the soggy quilt, stained
With mascara from your eyes that see both a rabid lover
And an enemy in disguise--chasing and never relenting
Grabbing for your hand and your gut and the rest
Peeling skin from your shoulders, but never letting go

There’s something in your room
That no ounce of brandy will ever shake loose
There’s something in your room
That the walls can’t swallow or spit away
There’s something in your room
That the windows can’t bite or suck out the scent
There’s something in your room
Like every other time before, it’s after you
There’s something in your room
And, by now you know, there is nothing you can do

What is the point of this? I don't aim to be mean but what are you trying to get across to your audience? It sounds like you leave them thinking that it's all hopeless. Forgive me, for this is not my type of lyrics, I like upbeat Christ/God centered music, which is why I come to a Christian forum.

 

[wslctrc]

I like the lyrics

????????

 

[ListenerFriendly]

Thanks trt for the nice remarks.

For wslctrc, these have a darker undertone, yes. And your confusion seems to partially arrise from the surreal images the piece utlizes--and that is intended.

This piece deals with the concept of abuse and personal, emotional neglect. It is purposefully written in second person to observe the emotions of the charachter. While it is abstract, the whole point is the terror and utter hopefullness felt in this situation.

But lyrically, I like to quote Iron and Wine--but I forget his exact words, so he could paraphrase. I can gladly give you my interpretations of the lyrics, but they aren't important. In fact, the might possibly detract from the overall meaning you as a reader draw from the piece. The author's inteded meaning is nice to know, but I like to keep things more abstract so you can connect with the piece on a personal level.

much peace

 

[SGM4HIM]

Are you sure this song isn't one of those "Geico Money Stack" songs from a commercial?:o

 

[ListenerFriendly]

"Sombody's watching me?"

No !

I am not so sure I catch the pun, though--what do you mean?

much peace

 

[SGM4HIM]

just a little surface humor

 

[SwiftShadowFox00]

sounds alright my friend, i totaly suck at writing lyrics and so it comes very hard to me. but good job, im sure that you could probably find a band or something that would want to cover it for you

 

[ListenerFriendly]

well actually I'm not looking for someone to play it... just for someone to read it and partake of the emotion. I am slowly working on music for it, just waiting till the right idea comes along. My project is the velcro leaves (mypace.com / thevelcroleaves) and we do experimental/indie...

and I have been slow on lyrics/poetry the last few weeks--but it is best to naturally let i flow, when you force it, it sounds forced

much peace