Subject: Lawyers
These are questions (taken from official U.S. court records) lawyers have put to people on the stand.
Q. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q. Now, doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning?
Q. Did he kill you?
Q. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
Q. the youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Q. Were you alone or by yourself?
Q. How long have you been a French Canadian?
Q. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Q. I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A. That's me.
Q.. Were you present when that picture was taken?
Q. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A. I'll be three months on Nov. 8.
Q. Apparently, then the date of conception was Aug. 8?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you doing at that time?
Q. Mrs. Jones do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A. I used to be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
Q. SO you were gone until you returned?
Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there girls?
Q. You dont know what it was, and you didnt know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q. You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q. And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q. Have you lived in this town all your life?
A. Not Yet.
Q. Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A. It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 pm.
Q. And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
Subject: Great Marketing Screw Ups
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).
7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Subject: If Microsoft Started Building Cars
1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast--but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.
8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
9. The U.S. government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of GIVING them.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same-size butt.
These are questions (taken from official U.S. court records) lawyers have put to people on the stand.
Q. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q. Now, doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning?
Q. Did he kill you?
Q. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
Q. the youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Q. Were you alone or by yourself?
Q. How long have you been a French Canadian?
Q. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Q. I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A. That's me.
Q.. Were you present when that picture was taken?
Q. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A. I'll be three months on Nov. 8.
Q. Apparently, then the date of conception was Aug. 8?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you doing at that time?
Q. Mrs. Jones do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A. I used to be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
Q. SO you were gone until you returned?
Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there girls?
Q. You dont know what it was, and you didnt know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q. You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q. And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q. Have you lived in this town all your life?
A. Not Yet.
Q. Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A. It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 pm.
Q. And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
Subject: Great Marketing Screw Ups
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).
7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Subject: If Microsoft Started Building Cars
1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast--but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.
8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
9. The U.S. government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of GIVING them.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same-size butt.
