There aren't that many fish in the sea...

blackribbon · Feb 3, 2019

I have always looked at dating one relationship at a time. It isn't about the characteristics of the individuals but the sum of how the relationship works. I can't look at it the same way I would job hunt. I'd have married the wrong man if I had used a spread sheet formula.

As for age, I simply prefer men in the same phase of life as myself. That can't be defined by age alone.

bèlla · Feb 3, 2019

I view relationships very differently now. Feelings and attraction matters but it's bigger than that. I know what the Lord desires of me and that must come first. I hope he knows the same and we can help one another fulfill our Kingdom calling together.

Headship and purpose are the primary qualifiers I'm looking at. Both of these point back to God and that's the best barometer of all.

blackribbon · Feb 3, 2019

When I was younger, because headship and purpose mattered to me. I was looking at what the man saw as his mission in life and how I could be his helpmate. God taught me a lot of lessons in godly submission through marriage.

I don't know that I'd be looking for anything different now. If it was the right relationship, my calling from God would fit within his plans...even if it looked different than it looks today.

bèlla · Feb 4, 2019

blackribbon said:
When I was younger, because headship and purpose mattered to me. I was looking at what the man saw as his mission in life and how I could be his helpmate. God taught me a lot of lessons in godly submission through marriage.

I don't know that I'd be looking for anything different now. If it was the right relationship, my calling from God would fit within his plans...even if it looked different than it looks today.

That's wonderful to hear. It isn't commonplace. Thank you for sharing.

I received my blueprint a few years ago and the Lord has been revealing more and more. If I'd partnered earlier I might have focused on headship alone without the awareness of what God desires from me. It was better that He held it back. I can make wiser decisions. I didn't always understand that. But I do now. Things are coming together.

blackribbon · Feb 4, 2019

LaBèlla said:
That's wonderful to hear. It isn't commonplace. Thank you for sharing.

I received my blueprint a few years ago and the Lord has been revealing more and more. If I'd partnered earlier I might have focused on headship alone without the awareness of what God desires from me. It was better that He held it back. I can make wiser decisions. I didn't always understand that. But I do now. Things are coming together.

Are you living your mission from God or waiting for it to happen? If you are living it, no man would see you separate from it. It would be part of your identity and be part of the factor he finds attractive about you (or the reason he didn't get involved in the first place).

bèlla · Feb 4, 2019

blackribbon said:
Are you living your mission from God or waiting for it to happen? If you are living it, no man would see you separate from it. It would be part of your identity and be part of the factor he finds attractive about you (or the reason he didn't get involved in the first place).

Yes, I'm living it now. Thank you for the encouragement.

timewerx · Feb 4, 2019

blackribbon said:
Good looks is a personal opinion. Great personality isn't necessary to many people. Great social skills are not necessary a requirement to an introvert.

But it helps a lot. Being introverted as a guy + below average socials skills gives poor chances. I know this a fact based on my own experiences.

I've even known few guys who are introverts but easily got dates because they have at least some pretty decent social skills and good looking.

I used to have very poor social skills, never got dates until with some maturity and working in other countries, my socials skills improved a bit. Now I'm average, up from having poor socials skills and my chances of getting a date improved considerably.

Financially stable is again, a personal opinion...and easily changed...and being poor is likely to be stable.

Based on my personal experience, you need have at least a house under your name (mortgage or not) to get a 2nd date. Perhaps, it depends on the type of women you want to date and since I would prefer women who have college degree which I think is fair because I have one too so we can talk about complicated stuff and not bore each other out.

The importance is the ability to live within one's means. Plenty of the single population is over 40 and has no desire to date in the under 40 crowd. And as Bella points out...what defines "a good Christian"...because I have met many people who would define themselves that way and I wouldn't want to date them.

My only concern at the moment is the below 40 crowd. But you're right, very few singles which is very annoying!

blackribbon · Feb 4, 2019

timewerx said:
But it helps a lot. Being introverted as a guy + below average socials skills gives poor chances. I know this a fact based on my own experiences.

I've even known few guys who are introverts but easily got dates because they have at least some pretty decent social skills and good looking.

I used to have very poor social skills, never got dates until with some maturity and working in other countries, my socials skills improved a bit. Now I'm average, up from having poor socials skills and my chances of getting a date improved considerably.

Based on my personal experience, you need have at least a house under your name (mortgage or not) to get a 2nd date. Perhaps, it depends on the type of women you want to date and since I would prefer women who have college degree which I think is fair because I have one too so we can talk about complicated stuff and not bore each other out.

My only concern at the moment is the below 40 crowd. But you're right, very few singles which is very annoying!

Social skills helps a guy be able to actually ask someone out. But "great" social skills isn't necessary. The last guy I liked and went out with was most likely Asperger's ... and was "teaching me" about proper social behavior. He learned from observation but wasn't quite sure why it worked. I actually found that aspect of him to be very charming. He sort of said what he actually thought, no filters, and it was so much better than hanging out with a guy who played games.

And owning a house is over-rated. It ties you down. There is nothing wrong with renting or an apartment. It allows you to grow and move as opportunities present themselves. Women will college degrees can buy their own houses if that is important to them. Most aren't that impressed with what the guys pick anyway. If I were to buy again, I would rather do it as a couple than move into his house...and have to learn to fit in "his" space.

There is a lot to be said with building a life together...not just moving into someone else preassembled life.

timewerx · Feb 4, 2019

blackribbon said:
Women will college degrees can buy their own houses if that is important to them. Most aren't that impressed with what the guys pick anyway. If I were to buy again, I would rather do it as a couple than move into his house...and have to learn to fit in "his" space.

There is a lot to be said with building a life together...not just moving into someone else preassembled life.

Good point! If I were a woman, I would have thought the same thing! I must have read a meme for women and I really like it and goes something like this: "a man should not be part of your financial plan".

But women looking for guys with a house has a point too! I'm over 30 now and many guys have a house under their name by that time, else, you'd be easily seen as a loser!

During my early 20's, some women still saw me as an eligible bachelor despite not having a house. It's perfectly understandable to not have a house at that age.

bèlla · Feb 4, 2019

timewerx said:
But women looking for guys with a house has a point too! I'm over 30 now and many guys have a house under their name by that time, else, you'd be easily seen as a loser!

I prefer income producing assets. A home is a structure that never belongs to you entirely. Miss your mortgage payment and the bank will remove your ownership. Neglect your property taxes and the city comes calling.

It would be better to invest in apartments instead. You can offset the mortgage with rental income and adjust your rent for inflation and property values in the neighborhood. The expense of its upkeep is deductible.

The ideal home is tied to a business and allows the resident to reclaim the expense of the purchase through products and intentional planning that enables them assign a portion of its footage for work. It's a luxury. It's always been a luxury. But it's a yoke if you depend on another source for revenue and have no capacity to make it on your own. If that falls aside. Now what?

blackribbon · Feb 4, 2019

timewerx said:
Good point! If I were a woman, I would have thought the same thing! I must have read a meme for women and I really like it and goes something like this: "a man should not be part of your financial plan".

But women looking for guys with a house has a point too! I'm over 30 now and many guys have a house under their name by that time, else, you'd be easily seen as a loser!

During my early 20's, some women still saw me as an eligible bachelor despite not having a house. It's perfectly understandable to not have a house at that age.

Maybe it is different where you live? I still don't know many single men who own a house. The ones that I do/did know were raising their children after a divorce. Most I know rent apartments or condos.

blackribbon · Feb 4, 2019

I think the ideal home is just that a home. It meets the families needs without being a financial burden. Miss a payment on a business related property and then you lose both your home and your income. However, I am not called to run a business. I'd probably give everything away.

Jonaitis · Feb 4, 2019

I happen to live in a town where fish are hard to find, let alone Christian trout. I prefer staying here than moving out of state, seems much safer than all the stuff I hear on the news.

Our churches are practically empty in Casper, and we are the second largest town. I live near a huge Baptist church, but only seven people attend it, and this is including the pastor, his wife, and the pianist. There is one big church, holding some 500 people, but though it is a Christian church it is not one I recommend finding a solid woman. The youngsters I've known that go there were never serious about the faith as much.

bèlla · Feb 4, 2019

blackribbon said:
I think the ideal home is just that a home. It meets the families needs without being a financial burden. Miss a payment on a business related property and then you lose both your home and your income. However, I am not called to run a business. I'd probably give everything away.

That isn't what I was referencing in my comment. A commercial property is a different entity. I was speaking of business owners who devote a portion of their home to enterprise. My perspective is derived from professional experience in wealth management and real estate. I worked in the latter during the boom and saw the perils of over extension and the calamity that followed.

Entrepreneurship is part of my calling. The Lord is using what I learned elsewhere for His glory.

bèlla · Feb 4, 2019

Jonaitis said:
I happen to live in a town where fish are hard to find, let alone Christian trout. I prefer staying here than moving out of state, seems much safer than all the stuff I hear on the news.

Have you been able to combat that through the Internet?

Jonaitis · Feb 4, 2019

LaBèlla said:
Have you been able to combat that through the Internet?

I have and did meet someone. It fell apart when I transitioned work and began doing construction framing. I realized I am not at the place to finiacial support a family, even with a shared income. She wanted to begin a relationship within six months (after a month of meeting each other), and I wanted several years or so. That didn't sit too well.

timewerx · Feb 5, 2019

LaBèlla said:
I prefer income producing assets. A home is a structure that never belongs to you entirely. Miss your mortgage payment and the bank will remove your ownership. Neglect your property taxes and the city comes calling.

It would be better to invest in apartments instead. You can offset the mortgage with rental income and adjust your rent for inflation and property values in the neighborhood. The expense of its upkeep is deductible.

The ideal home is tied to a business and allows the resident to reclaim the expense of the purchase through products and intentional planning that enables them assign a portion of its footage for work. It's a luxury. It's always been a luxury. But it's a yoke if you depend on another source for revenue and have no capacity to make it on your own. If that falls aside. Now what?

I'd probably be thinking the same! Mom told me the same thing but I lack the discipline atm!

timewerx · Feb 5, 2019

blackribbon said:
Maybe it is different where you live? I still don't know many single men who own a house. The ones that I do/did know were raising their children after a divorce. Most I know rent apartments or condos.

Yes, it's different where I live. Different culture perhaps.

bèlla · Feb 5, 2019

timewerx said:
I'd probably be thinking the same! Mom told me the same thing but I lack the discipline atm!

Go hang out in a Dave Ramsey Facebook group and you'll find it really quick. ;-)

bèlla · Feb 5, 2019

Jonaitis said:
I have and did meet someone. It fell apart when I transitioned work and began doing construction framing. I realized I am not at the place to finiacial support a family, even with a shared income. She wanted to begin a relationship within six months (after a month of meeting each other), and I wanted several years or so. That didn't sit too well.

That's a big difference. Were you desiring to court during that time or get better acquainted?

There aren't that many fish in the sea...

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