The Superman complex??

mixiejoeusa · Mar 19, 2005

Let me ask you all a question, why do some men, feel they have to be the superman and SAVE the weak girl /go after the needy girl? Don't men want a women/girl who can stand on her own feet and that don't need to be saved? I think we all need friendships and relationships to survive, we can't survive all alone. Are men intimated by a strong women, when I say strong, I don't mean physical I am talking emotionally.

I was just wondering how you all felt about this....

Jessica

Niels · Mar 19, 2005

Perhaps because they want to feel needed and appreciated? As such, a man will seek a woman who needs him.

But 'strong' can mean so many things. I'd like to marry a woman of strong character, clever mind etc. But that doesn't mean I'd consider dating somebody who tries to be domineering and boorish.

Tenorvoice · Mar 19, 2005

I would have to belive that it is from the way that us men are "wired". We are task oriented, whereas women mostly are emotion oriented. Give us men a task to do and we are like a pig eatin slop. So it may root back to that. The sence of accomplishment (sp). Being able to say that "I got the job done that I set out to do"...so to speak.

You give most men a "challenge" and they are more than happy to attempt to finish it.

God Bless

Phileo

mixiejoeusa · Mar 19, 2005

mrkguy75 said:
But that doesn't mean I'd consider dating somebody who tries to be domineering and boorish.

I did not mean anything sexual, I was talking emotionaly. Thanks for your input....it helps knowing how you men think sometimes.

waterbear · Mar 19, 2005

mixiejoeusa said:
Let me ask you all a question, why do some men, feel they have to be the superman and SAVE the weak girl /go after the needy girl? Don't men want a women/girl who can stand on her own feet and that don't need to be saved? I think we all need friendships and relationships to survive, we can't survive all alone. Are men intimated by a strong women, when I say strong, I don't mean physical I am talking emotionally.

I was just wondering how you all felt about this....

Jessica

I'm attracted to women who have confidence and are responsible, which to me implies some degree of emotional maturity. Responsible people have some control over what they're doing: if she's willing to take ownership of her emotions that's maturity to me.

I prefer someone who doesn't create a need in a relationship - the relationship seems more meaningful if it's by choice rather than forced through some need. I can see how needy women are appealing though - they give an impression that they will be loyal and take the relationship seriously. It's more difficult for someone treating the relationship as a choice to express her commitment - however someone immature enough to create needs early in a romantic relationship will likely do so in other relationships, which can make her a liability long-term.

Niels · Mar 19, 2005

mixiejoeusa said:
I did not mean anything sexual, I was talking emotionaly. Thanks for your input....it helps knowing how you men think sometimes.

I didn't mean anything sexual.

the_man · Mar 19, 2005

mixiejoeusa said:
Let me ask you all a question, why do some men, feel they have to be the superman and SAVE the weak girl /go after the needy girl? Don't men want a women/girl who can stand on her own feet and that don't need to be saved? I think we all need friendships and relationships to survive, we can't survive all alone. Are men intimated by a strong women, when I say strong, I don't mean physical I am talking emotionally.

I was just wondering how you all felt about this....

Jessica

I don't think it is about a superman complex or being intimidated by "strong" women. A man wants to be needed, he wants to feel useful. It is not disimilar to a woman wanting to be desired.

treasurewords · Mar 19, 2005

mixiejoeusa said:
Let me ask you all a question, why do some men, feel they have to be the superman and SAVE the weak girl /go after the needy girl? Don't men want a women/girl who can stand on her own feet and that don't need to be saved? I think we all need friendships and relationships to survive, we can't survive all alone. Are men intimated by a strong women, when I say strong, I don't mean physical I am talking emotionally.

I was just wondering how you all felt about this....

Jessica

I went after such types of girls for various reasons:
1) I believed that I had the answer to her problem and could succeed where others failed
2) I believed that she would be more docile than other females and able to be controlled (a sad fact that I think factors heavily in this entire mindset) were I to provide something that would necessarily cause a deep feeling of gratitude
3) I believed that girls who were not self-confident were more inclined to provide or seek physical gratification (ie, easy to sleep with)

Really I think the whole "sensitive male" or "savior" mentality of guys when it comes to picking out girls is really mysoginistic and all for the guy at the bottom of it, but I can only speak for myself here.

TriptychR · Mar 19, 2005

Perhaps it's for a similar reason some women seem to feel they should go after "tortured," rebellious men (i.e. jerks).

MrDude · Mar 19, 2005

Actually Lois Lane was a very independent and strong willed woman. Definitly not a weak girl.

Geez I can be a nerd sometimes.....

Saviot'Valuan · Mar 19, 2005

I like a girl to have some dependancy on me, so I feel we have something together (not just on my sholders). I wouldn't want a girl who goes her own way. I feel it's a lost cause seeking that seeing we would most likely end up going separate ways. Again, both in submission, not just her. If I seek a girl who does things for herself, I would end in submission while she becomes alpha. (thats just the way I am)

Forever trying · Mar 20, 2005

I don't want a girl who a real hardcase, and thinks she's superior (basically a real full on feminist). But I also don't want someone who is always just an emotional wreck.

Basically someone who is strong, yet vulnerable, and does still need me. Even if just as a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold them during hard times in their lives (and not just say they will take care of themselves). After all, I think all of us want to be and feel needed by someone, and vice versa.

mixiejoeusa · Mar 20, 2005

I agree, we all need to feel needed!!!

OttawaUk · Mar 20, 2005

Here's my take on this one.

Personally I don't have a specific preference for a woman. There are traits that I look for, i.e. someone who challenges me, is attractive, has a similar sense of humour, and will always be there for me whenever I need her. Whether this girl is strong or not, I don't find that necessarily to be an issue.

HOWEVER, there is something I should add.

Traditionally, you had to be "the man" in the relationship. Whether most guys will admit it or not, a girl that is stronger emotionally, is not typically someone they seek out. Now obviously there are some guys out there who do like it that way, and even though I say it doesn't matter to me - if two girls stood side by side and were exactly the same, but one was stronger emotionally than the other, I would probably take the weaker one. I think, personally, I would rather "take care" of a girl, than she take care of me, because afterall, a small part of me still says I should be "the man".

Hopefully that can shed some light..

Sketcher · Mar 20, 2005

I've tried to be "the hero" before, not in a romantic context though. And having seen that my efforts and my friends efforts to help the girl out were either not enough or simply not recieved, I don't do that sort of thing anymore. Most serious problems are God's rather than mine, and I'm content to keep it that way. So many times, guys try to save the girl - this ranges from being a shoulder to cry on to marrying her - and they later get divorced, or they break up or he just gets fed up with her not responding to his outreach and he terminates the friendship. The only fighting I'll be doing for women is prayer, unless something comes up when I'm already dating/married to her.

Spicy McHaggis · Mar 21, 2005

mixiejoeusa said:
Let me ask you all a question, why do some men, feel they have to be the superman and SAVE the weak girl /go after the needy girl? Don't men want a women/girl who can stand on her own feet and that don't need to be saved? I think we all need friendships and relationships to survive, we can't survive all alone. Are men intimated by a strong women, when I say strong, I don't mean physical I am talking emotionally.

I was just wondering how you all felt about this....

Jessica

Maybe some guys just set a low bar to ensure success? THey may be doing that subconscously though too.

Kindof like when the children of divorced parents end up married to a complete loser because they (subconciously) think that person will not leave them because they cannot leave them.

Anywho, that may be right or wrong, but aside from my logic there, setting a low bar is insulting to themselves and to God.

Iggster · Mar 21, 2005

True....Some men are intimidated by a strong woman. However, I broke up with my ex because there was no need for me to be there. She felt that I was being clingy when I wanted to spend some time with her. So I left. She was so independant, she didn't need me around.

What Ikey said!

feo · Mar 21, 2005

TriptychR said:
Perhaps it's for a similar reason some women seem to feel they should go after "tortured," rebellious men (i.e. jerks).

thats very true. I've seen some of the most beautiful girls go after the... well, trashiest guys. I've heard it time and time again, "I know my boyfriend beats me/cheats on me/does drugs... but theres just something about him that I love" whenever I confront girls about this, they always admit to going into the relationship with an agenda. They go into the relationship with the intentions of changing them. I mean dont get me wrong, both people are going to be changed...

But it should be a result from the relationship; ie, having the relationship mold the two personalities... not forcefully.

Girls always complain about guys being jerks. But if girls actually put their foot down; and stopped dating jerks- it would send a msg to guys; and perhaps they'd change.

Spicy McHaggis · Mar 21, 2005

feo said:
But if girls actually put their foot down; and stopped dating jerks- it would send a msg to guys; and perhaps they'd change.

Word life Feo,

And until then, us quality, high-bar guys are going to be scratching our heads and watching sports.

feo · Mar 21, 2005

iklepac13 said:
Word life Feo,

And until then, us quality, high-bar guys are going to be scratching our heads and watching sports.

haha
easier said than done...

especially if you're impatient and dont like sports

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