The sun also rises

[englishsunset]

I've was married to a woman with borderline personality disorder for 29 years and finally, had to divorce her and take the children. It has been an amazing journey.
One by one, each of our 8 children has had to face the demons of depression and this totally weird BP disorder.
It takes a tremendous fighting spirit to overcome these things. Funny,
often the best offense is to accept things as they are and very slowly, methodically begin to create something new.
Just my thoughts.

 

[dnihila]

I've was married to a woman with borderline personality disorder for 29 years and finally, had to divorce her and take the children. It has been an amazing journey.
One by one, each of our 8 children has had to face the demons of depression and this totally weird BP disorder.
It takes a tremendous fighting spirit to overcome these things. Funny,
often the best offense is to accept things as they are and very slowly, methodically begin to create something new.
Just my thoughts.

May I ask you about the nature of this disease so I may give you some ideas because I don't like the superior word which is called ADVISE
While thinking listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7becjAhav8

 

[englishsunset]

Nice music, very calming.
BPD is not the easiest disorder to explain. It is a clinical diagnoses that takes on many forms.
some of the symptoms are:
an almost total inability to see one's faults
flying into rages for seemingly insignificant causes.
having an inexhaustible supply of excuses and justifications
an unfulfillable need for constant affirmation
changing from very peasant in public to your worst nightmare in private
little sensitivity for the feelings of others
I'm not sure what you meant about Advise, do you mean that my posting sounded like I was going to advise?
Probably the most difficult thing for me and my children is/was that we naturally wanted to trust her, and still do. She starts out with acceptable behavior, then, when you least expect it, wham! Very hard on the emotions.

englishsunset

 

[Mask]

It must be extremely hard to live with someone who is so unpredictable. You don't know if you are dealing with Dr. Jeckle or Mr. Hyde sort of thing. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Did your ex-wife get any help for her BPD? When did this all start for her...did something trigger the start of this behavior? A lot of people have the same characteristics that you described, but I doubt that they have BPD. Sometimes it is just unresolved issues/hurts/disappointments/abuse, from the past, that have been stuffed deep down inside. There is no such things as an unexpressed emotion. Rejection/sadness if not expressed usually gets expressed as anger/rage, etc. I'm sure I exhibited almost all of the symptoms that your ex-wife exhibits and I did not have BPD. I had suffered abuse/rejection/hurt/fear as a child and all of those unresolved feelings were surfacing in the most opportune moments. I felt so angry but I didn't know why! I would have panic attacks when left alone with my children and felt to overwhelmed, etc. I felt like I was being blamed for things that I couldn't control....thus the justification of myself. After counselling, discussing my past, my feelings, my memories, my fears, and lots of prayer , I can say I am a much saner, happier, pleasant person, for my family to be around! I truly hope your wife gets help. Did your children receive any counselling? They have experienced so much hurt and fear from living with their mother, it's no wonder they are feeling mixed up too. Sending you big hugs and prayers.

 

[dnihila]

To be Fair enough as long as the ex-wife is not attendant, we shouldn't talk about her in her absence and judge her without knowing the real situation.
The man doesn't need advises and doctors' councelings from people who are not able to give such recommendation.
I pray that Allah/God help that poor lady. And I pray for the children and for you. You are supposed to be the family hero to save your ex-wife and your children. And you are the powerful link in this chain. Do you think that it is a good feeling for someone to be left in the time that he/she needs someone to stand by his/her side???
If you want to solve your problem , just consider yourself as a operson who has no relation with this problem. To make the correct decision. And never lose hope as well as people you have lost once " your ex-wife" don't lose your children twice. And they will take you as an example that you can't help them because you couldn't help your ex-wife.
Change this point of view that your children may have about you and be the family hero.
What you have mentioned are normal behaviours that depends on the character itself. And you have to observe their behaviours especially the odd ones and write them down to take a consultant advise to help you and the children to save this family and it won't be ashame if you ask a sister or a relative to help you.
How would you expect children to behave after seeing their mother suffering and how you left her and how they lost her????And maybe they don't like being taken after living together with Mom and Dad. It is really difficult for them to feel that the image of a great family is no loger exist.
So, you have to be stronger , and knowing that they are waiting for you to gather them instead of letting everything down.

 

[Taylor43]

I am so sorry you had to leave your wife and take the kids. It it is not easy living with someone BPN I am keeping you in my prayers.

 

[UnitynLove]

I am so sorry you had to leave your wife and take the kids. It it is not easy living with someone BPN I am keeping you in my prayers.

Me also.