The Struggles of Selabacy-help

[Treasurer]

I have a feeling that there are not too many people out in the world today like me. But all godly advise is certainly welcome. Scriptures too. Ok here it goes.

I dont want to date. I dont want to marry. Ever.

I was married. Had a daughter. I am now divorced.

I believe the Lord has placed this conviction in my life. To belong to him and him alone.

Some problems that I have been facing that I dont understand. For some unknow reason two men in my life are attracted to me. One has been for several years, I cant seem to shake him. And this other one just resently became infatuated. I dont know what I did to suck them in.

Ok this is me: I keep my hair pulled back in a pony tail. I wear no make up. No jewlery. I wear clothes that are baggy and unrevealing. Usually baggy T shirts, and long khaki shorts like the guys wear, and either flip flops or tennis shoes. I bind my breasts with a sports bra, so I am unappealing that way. I wear glasses. So I totally dont understand this.

Also I am disabled (health wise). Most of the time I am at home. I only go out of the house with my family, which is my mom and two brothers. Rarely am I ever alone.

So I dont get it, I have gone out of my way to be unattractive, so why? And what do I have to do?

Because this is who I am, and who I want to be.

Anyways, I need to find out what is actually going on, because I may actually be in some way be doing something wrong- who knows I may be being nice. And I need to quit, I just need some help figuring it out. Bounce thoughts and stuff back and forth with me. You know some times talking it through will help.

Please tell me there is someone else out there like me. My brother thinks I am a weirdo, my daughter thinks I am weird too, and calls me a monk. I try and look at it like a compliment.

Thanks in advance.

 

[AimN]

Ok, you have stated all the things that you have done outwardly to avoid any kind of attraction from the opposite sex, but did you ever think that maybe they see your inward beauty instead of what you have on the outside? I am a firm believer that the beauty of a person comes from the inside!

So it sounds like you don't want to have any connection with men is that correct--and if so could it have anything to do with your previous relationship?

Are these men that are coming around Christians and do they know where you stand--as far as wanting to be alone?

I am not sure that there is any one thing that you can do in order to let these men know that your not available except for you to tell them outright. Let them know where you are in your walk. Tell them that you stand firm in your decision.

I am a little curious though--you sound a little bitter towards men. Do you think that maybe the reason that the Lord wants you to be alone right now is because your not ready and need some type of healing first?

Praying for you!
Aimee

 

[thenewageriseth]

I'm like that, too. I don't ever want to date or marry, because of fears and insecurities...I'd rather stay single...but the funny thing is that the term single relates to both to ppl who date and are not married, and ppl who don't date and are not married. I think that's complitely asinine. It should only refer to those who don't date and are not married! I am only 18, too. Mom jokes that I might be an old maid!

 

[spl2]

I had a problem like yours. I wanted to commit my life to God completely, but found that the opposite sex was drawn to me in everywhere I went. At first this turned into pride. I thought I must just be a highly desireable person, what a great gift from God. I later learned that the problem was deep in my heart, something unconscious that desired the attention I was getting. I thought I was doing everything I could, short of dressing like a monk, to avoid female attention, but really I was unable to help it because something deep and uncontrolable was asking for it within me.

hope this helped

*prays for u*

(Rom8:18) For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

 

[Treasurer]

My previous relationship did suck, at least my marriage. But thanks to God, I did overcome that.

I did date after my marriage. This conviction didnt come til about three and a half to four years ago.

I didnt realize my walk with Christ wasnt right. And four years ago, I made a change in my life. About six months later, that was when this conviction came over me. Other things about me began to change as well. The make up, the jewlery, the clothes, these things for me were bondage. I wrapped myself up in them, and spent a lot of money on them. I enjoyed being beautiful, and I loved attracting men.

God began removing these things from my life. These things that were bondage to me. I'm not sure, without thought, what the spiritual conection is, but I am sure there is one. I was being held to the things of this world. Needless to say I was vain.

One bad aspect, maybe I wanted to attract men. Which is why I did all that stuff. But see now I dont.



Ok- The one man I did tell about my conviction, I had dated him before I had changed, and of course broken up with him. Moved from the state. But now I have moved back here. He has seen the change in my life and appearance, he even asked my brother about it. I talked to him about it, explained it to him. Oddly enough he does accept it. But he has been friends with my entire family for years. --The hard part about this particular relationship is it is complicated.-- But he does accept the terms. And in this process has come to know the Lord.

This other man, his life is complicated. I have no clue what to do about it. I would have never met this man, except he owns the house we rent. And when I met him the first time, he was ingaged. But when he came back his fiance had left him. And now, well he is interested in me.

Do I have to tell him, hey I have convictions- I believe this and this and this. Or do I just say, I am not interested. ???? I'm not the type of person who purposely wants to hurt someones feelings.

How do you handle any guy who is interested in you? What is that scripture- resist the devil and he will flee, that is it. Is it the same with men?

(I realize the Lord is trying to teach me, I just aint got it yet).