The Ring Thing

[renaistre]

OK, this one's got me really confused... when the time finally comes for a guy to propose and give his girl an engagment ring, how is the timing supposed to work? I mean, I always thought that it would be somthing like the guy buys the ring and offers it when he proposes. But I keep hearing about couples shopping for engagment rings together.

My sister made me even more confused when I mentioned this to her one time. She said somthing like, "well, yeah, of course you would shop for it together, but then you would give it to her when you propose." But that doesn't make any sense to me. Why would you go shopping for a ring when she hasn't even said yes yet?

BTW, I don't expect to need the answer for a while. I'm just wondering.

Any ideas? Am I just totally out of it?

 

[AveMaria]

I think a lot of women (I'm one of them!) would prefer to pick out their own engagement ring. . . some of us have very particular taste in jewelry!

This certainly complicates things if a gentleman dreams of surprising his lady by whipping out a little velvet covered box and popping the question.

I know some guys who have used a very inexpensive ring to propose with, explaining "I want to go to the jewelery store with you and pick out the real ring together." Perhaps this is an option?

 

[Macrina]

Well, I would prefer to have the man surprise me with a ring. I just think it's more romantic that way.

I actually was engaged once (long story), and we went shopping for the ring together. It just didn't seem so romantic.

I'm not the kind of gal that goes in for getting a lot of gifts, but I guess just this one thing would be nice to have him pick out and surprise me with. The rest of the time we could be more practical.

Of course, this isn't an active concern for me, either, but there's my two cents.

 

[boilerblues]

I think for a lot of people now the decision to get married comes along before the formal question is asked. A friend of mine was actually planning the wedding with his fiance and her parents before he formally asked the question. Proposing is more a tradition now because they make the decision together.

My plan is that I'll probably get her a rock (from the jewlery store parking lot) to get set in a ring (she asked for a rock, she gets a rock) to propose with and then get an actual ring together.

 

[AveMaria]

My plan is that I'll probably get her a rock (from the jewlery store parking lot) to get set in a ring (she asked for a rock, she gets a rock) to propose with and then get an actual ring together.

I would love to see her face, that is hysterical!

 

[fallen^sparrow]

Go ahead and get the ring yourself... it'll be one of the last "single" decisions you'll get to make in your life... so make a statement with it. Go with a funky color/texture (carbon^fiber "weave" in silver looks pretty tight) and then add your "football" shaped diamond of appropriate size (depending on how much your like the sport... of course).

fallen^sparrow

 

[renaistre]

I know some guys who have used a very inexpensive ring to propose with, explaining "I want to go to the jewelery store with you and pick out the real ring together." Perhaps this is an option?

I like that one. I'll have to keep it in mind.

Go with a funky color/texture (carbon^fiber "weave" in silver looks pretty tight) and then add your "football" shaped diamond of appropriate size (depending on how much your like the sport... of course).

Hmm, I guess I'd have to go with the volleyball dimond.

Well, I would prefer to have the man surprise me with a ring. I just think it's more romantic that way.

Would a vollleyball shaped dimond (with the appropriate panel etchings and a "Wilson" stamp of course) be a romantic surprise? Seriously though, that sounds more like the tradition type stuff that I like.

A friend of mine was actually planning the wedding with his fiance and her parents before he formally asked the question.

See, that just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it will once I'm in that place.

OK everyone, I'm out of here for the week. I'm on my way to Utah for Thanksgiving. Thanks for your input.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Personally, I have a pretty specific type of ring I like. I'm allergic to gold so that's an important factor. I'd like to think (and of course, this is in the "perfect world" setting) the guy would go to my mother and ask her since she definitely knows my tastes in jewelry. I would want to be surprised though.

 

[Macrina]

Yeah, Fluffy, I understand what you mean about wanting particular things. I suppose it would be good if my fella (if I had one) would just psychically know that I don't like marquis-cut diamonds...

But seriously, I think that a man whose ring I would consider accepting would be someone who knew me well enough to know what I would like. In your case, he would presumably know about your gold allergy. In my case, he would know that I'm not into huge showy clusters of glittery stones. He would know that simple and classic is my taste, and he would get something in that vein. But in truth, I would be pleased to wear whatever ring he gave me (even if it was a gaudy cluster in a marquis shape! ), because it was his special gift to me.

It's funny... I'm normally not a very traditional gal. I have an egalitarian approach to relationships, and I do think that couples should talk about such things openly (albeit not too much) before the proposal... but for some reason I just have very traditional notions of the ring thing. I guess some of those old-fashioned romantic gestures can still warm the feminist heart.

 

[AveMaria]

One guy who I had been dating did propose to me, a few years ago. Interestingly enough, in the weeks leading up to his proposal, I had slowly come to the realization that I didn't want to be in that relationship and I was looking for a tactful way to break things off.

Imagine my surprise - I declined, as graciously and gently as I possibly could. Needless to say, after that, I no longer had to worry about how to end the relationship. . .

Anyhow, in the following weeks, I was so struck by the fact that this guy, who had wanted to marry me, apparently knew so little about me that he had managed to pick out, what was, in my opinion, the ugliest ring ever created.

So, I guess in theory, if you're going to propose to someone, you'd know their tastes well enough, but don't count on it! Heck, my own mother has known me for 27 years, and even she admits she wouldn't dare try and pick out clothes or jewelry for me!

How's this for an idea: we single gals will take the time to look at engagement rings with sisters, best friends, or someone, and they'll take copious notes, and you can take our sisters or best friends ring shopping with you, as 'fashion consultants'!

 

[Nico]

How's this for an idea: we single gals will take the time to look at engagement rings with sisters, best friends, or someone, and they'll take copious notes, and you can take our sisters or best friends ring shopping with you, as 'fashion consultants'!

that's what my friend's husband did. her bestfriend is really into this stuff and knew just what she wanted. so the fiance went to the friend and she helped him. jewlery shopping is daunting. i'd love if a guy asked my friends for help. i'm kind of an anti-traditionalist girl and would prefer a colored stone (i like green, so maybe an emerald?). i'm not sure a guy would think of that, since everyone always seems to get the traditional diamond. hey, if i'm gonna wear this thing for the rest of my life, i would really like it to be something that fits me and my personality and that i really love.

 

[OhhJim]

I had a prospective fiancee explain to me that the ring is a gift from a man to his wife, and that he should pick it out, and she should be proud to wear it, if she's going to marry him. That said, I think that taking her best friend with you to pick the ring is an excellent idea. I, myself, have no taste in that sort of thing, and would mess it up for sure!

On the other hand, if one's girlfriend feels strongly about picking out her own ring, let her. As fallen^sparrow says, you aren't going to be making a whole lot of decisions anymore, anyway!

 

[PurpleBunny]

If the subject of marriage has come up and you know you're going to be getting engaged soon, why not talk about rings and such? Just ask if there's any particular style the prospective fiancee absolutely HATES, get her to show you a picture, and steer clear of anything remotely resembling it.

My fiance and I shopped around together to get an idea of what was available. Then he chose two from a store website, asked me which I liked better. We went in to try both of them on and the one I -didn't- like was much nicer (and less costly, another bonus). So he took down the information and stuff.

Three weeks later I mention something about our engagement and he goes all quiet and says, "Sarah, I'm sorry... I can't afford an engagement ring right now. But you might get engaged around Christmas!" (this was early October)

Well imagine my surprise when he pulled out the engagement ring a week later and proposed--he couldn't afford the engagement ring because he'd already bought it.

 

[nhzname]

If the subject of marriage has come up and you know you're going to be getting engaged soon, why not talk about rings and such? Just ask if there's any particular style the prospective fiancee absolutely HATES, get her to show you a picture, and steer clear of anything remotely resembling it.

My fiance and I shopped around together to get an idea of what was available. Then he chose two from a store website, asked me which I liked better. We went in to try both of them on and the one I -didn't- like was much nicer (and less costly, another bonus). So he took down the information and stuff.

Three weeks later I mention something about our engagement and he goes all quiet and says, "Sarah, I'm sorry... I can't afford an engagement ring right now. But you might get engaged around Christmas!" (this was early October)

Well imagine my surprise when he pulled out the engagement ring a week later and proposed--he couldn't afford the engagement ring because he'd already bought it.

Congratulations on your engagement, Sarah ... and Chris. God bless you both.

I think the way you guys 'shopped' for rings was excellent. I like the idea of looking around so he has ideas of what you like, but I would prefer the suspense of not knowing exactly what he chooses and when. The surprise is part of the joy of receiving.

 

[Blank123]

I think, if and when I ever get engaged, I'd want him to surprise me with the ring.

If I love the guy, I imagine it'd be pretty hard for me to dislike whatever style of ring he picks out for me, heck its not like there are a lot of ugly rings out there anyway

of course this is coming from someone who's never even had a real boyfriend so maybe I shouldn't even be posting

 

[Thithy]

From all the married people I've talked to, most of them told me that the idea of getting married wasn't a surprised. They had talked about getting married, but the actual proposal was a surprise.

As for the ring. If I'm correct, the engagement ring is not the wedding ring. It's just the one the girl wears until she gets married. So I would think that it shouldn't matter that much what it looked like. Or if all else fails go with something simple. I've also seen it where at the time of the wedding they add another stone to make it a wedding ring. So, my advice would to be go with something simple, then you can always add more. (If that's what the girl wants, some don't like big showy, flashy rings)

But for me, I would love to be surprised with a ring. If a guy wants to ask a mother or friend for advice great. If a guy doesn't want to do that, and go shopping by himself, look at the jewerly that she already wears. If she doesn't wear any, then simple would be my best bet. I've seen engagement rings that are just a band with 6 small diamonds going around it.

I would say surprise is the best, but planning doesn't hurt.

 

[fragglerocker]

My thoughts are this: if he is the one God has chosen to be my husband, God will lead him to pick a ring I will love.

Also, it doesn't hurt that I'm the kind of girl that automatically gravitates to any jewelry store I see and "ooohs and ahhs" over my favorites.

If he does pick it out on his own, I'd like him to keep the receipt, just in case I hated it. I think I'd be honest enough to say "Honey, I love you, but I don't want to wear this ring for the rest of my life. Could we pick out a different one together?"

 

[Living4Him03]

I wanna be surprised when/if the time comes. As long as he knows I don't like yellow gold I'll be fine. I like a ring from Target. It's fairly simple and on sale. I hope he knows me well enough to go for something like that and then surprise me. I think it takes the surprise and excitement out of it if you go shopping together! I kind of don't want to know it's coming...well i mean I do, but I don't want to go shopping for a ring one week and realize oh he's probably going to propose next week. That's no fun! But I guess it doesn't really matter when it all comes down to it.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

i would want it to be a complete surprise

 

[JPPT1974]

I want it as a complete surprise as well as also really meaning and also when the time is right for my fiance to propose the right and old-fashioned way getting down on his knees.