The right thing to do?

[Keturah Nikole]

My bf and I have made plans for me to stay a few days at his house over Christmas Break. His parents are fine with this, and so are we, but my mom seems to think that something is wrong about this. We've made arrangements for me to stay in his family's guest room and he's going to be sleeping on the couch in the living room, because his bedroom is right across the hall from the guest room and he doesn't want to worry my parents about him being so close. His parents should be at home over break, and if they're not then we'll be where they are or with some of his other relatives or friends, so we won't really ever be alone.
Mom says that this is still not the right thing to do, and she questioned me with "would the lord really want you to do this?". I'm not sure what she means by this. I don't see anywhere in the Bible that it says that you cannot stay at a good friends house, when that friend is of the opposite gender.
I was wondering what you all thought about this. Is it biblicaly wrong to stay at his house for a few days, especially considering the parameters that we've already set up?

 

[blissfulwife]

As Christians we are to avoid any appearance of evil.
I suspect that is what your mother is concerned about.

If your desire is indeed to not have "relations" until married
then making sure you are never alone together is best.

Human nature being what it is many are lead astray when passions ignite.
If there are NO opportunities for this to happen then you are safe guarded.



PS I was just wed four years ago and was a virgin on my wedding night.

 

[Luther073082]

No there is nothing wrong with it at all. When my wife and I where dating we did similar things because we where long distance.

 

[Inkachu]

First of all, don't try to change "boyfriend" into "good friend". Nobody's going to fall for that one.

Second, only you know if you two would be tempted to misbehave in this situation. Different couples have different levels of self-control. If you have any doubts, don't do it. If you feel completely comfortable and confident that you won't be tempted in any way, then I say it's between the two of you and God.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

As Christians we are to avoid any appearance of evil.
I suspect that is what your mother is concerned about.

If your desire is indeed to not have "relations" until married
then making sure you are never alone together is best.

Human nature being what it is many are lead astray when passions ignite.
If there are NO opportunities for this to happen then you are safe guarded.



PS I was just wed four years ago and was a virgin on my wedding night.

The whole reason he's sleeping in the living room is to avoid any appearance of evil. I mean, we will be in completely different areas of the house. And I've explained that to her. I know that we will definitely not be 'together' until after marriage, there's not a doubt in my mind about that.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

No there is nothing wrong with it at all. When my wife and I where dating we did similar things because we where long distance.

See, I know many couples who are in LDRs and they do the exact same thing, and have mentioned them to Mom, and she doesn't seem to find any thing wrong with it when they do so.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

First of all, don't try to change "boyfriend" into "good friend". Nobody's going to fall for that one.

Second, only you know if you two would be tempted to misbehave in this situation. Different couples have different levels of self-control. If you have any doubts, don't do it. If you feel completely comfortable and confident that you won't be tempted in any way, then I say it's between the two of you and God.

First of all, I don't know what you mean by 'fall for that one'. I wasn't trying to trick anyone or make them fall for something. That's just how my words came out as I was typing my post really fast this morning, before class. And honestly, if he's my bf, then he had better be a good friend. He'd better be a REALLY good friend. And if you read my OP I said "a good friends house, when that friend is of the opposite gender." and I guess maybe just because my thinking is different from yours, that translates into my head as "bf(gf)" or "possible bf(gf)".

Second, I know that we are the only two who can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we won't be tempted to do bad things and I'm not doubting that. I was simply asking "Is it biblicaly wrong to stay at his house for a few days, especially considering the parameters that we've already set up?".

 

[The Nihilist]

How old are you?

 

[Keturah Nikole]

How old are you?

We're both 20.

 

[The Nihilist]

We're both 20.

If you're 20 and stressing about what your mom thinks about your beliefs, then you should be obedient to your mom.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

If you're 20 and stressing about what your mom thinks about your beliefs, then you should be obedient to your mom.

I'm really not stressing about what she thinks, and I'm not concerned about disobeying her either, because she didn't tell me not to go, she just told me she didn't think it was right. She said I could go ahead and do what I want and stay there, but she said I should think about whether or not the lord would be pleased with it and want me to do so. I am just asking "Is it biblicaly wrong to stay at his house for a few days, especially considering the parameters that we've already set up?"

 

[Melethiel]

I'm really not stressing about what she thinks, and I'm not concerned about disobeying her either, because she didn't tell me not to go, she just told me she didn't think it was right. She said I could go ahead and do what I want and stay there, but she said I should think about whether or not the lord would be pleased with it and want me to do so. I am just asking "Is it biblicaly wrong to stay at his house for a few days, especially considering the parameters that we've already set up?"

No.

 

[katautumn]

No, it is not wrong, Biblically, to stay at his parent's house. If someone has a dirty mind and thinks you're having sex then that's their hang-up. Anyone can take any situation and think dirty thoughts about it. What happens is between you, your boyfriend and God and if your resolve is strong and you already made arrangements to where temptation won't be an issue, then there's nothing wrong.

 

[Verve]

To be honest it really is a matter of self control. If you can control yourselves then there is not an issue. If you want to avoid any appearance of evil it certainly seems that you've set up good sleeping arrangements.

Personally I'm comfortable sleeping next to my boyfriend because we both have discussed self control and respect. He has proven himself to be a man with amazing amounts of integrity. If our cuddles did start to turn into something else I think we'd be pretty swift to take action to prevent things from crossing lines. I have the option to sleep in another room but so far that hasn't been proven to be necessary.

Though as you said. In your situation it was avoiding the appearance of evil.

If both of you have parents who are concerned it's also best to respect that.

 

[K9_Trainer]

You aren't doing anything wrong by following your own convictions rather than your mothers. You guys are adults, you are able to figure out on your own what you need to do and how much self control you have.

And to be completely honest, I think you are going way above and beyond what you need to do to avoid appearance of evil. So you're definitely in check there if thats what you are worried about. If he were sleeping in his room with the door closed, and you were sleeping in the guest room with the door closed, I would not not assume anything was going on. Of course, maybe my mind doesn't jump to seeing things very quickly, idk. But regardless, if this is how you feel convicted to do it and you feel right about it, then of course its the right thing to do.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't see anything wrong in the arrangement you two have set up. When I was engaged, we lived 10 hrs apart. so when we did get to visit we stayed each others house. No problem.

 

[iambren]

Just say--" Don't worry mom, we've already discussed it and decided that we would just do "everything-but" and not have intercourse on this trip".

Waaaaaah!!!

 

[Keturah Nikole]

Thanks, everyone. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something I completely missed in my Bible studies on this.

 

[Oddish]

I think that you should do what you think is best! I personally see nothing wrong you staying over. Me and my bf sleep in the same bed when we visit each other.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

Well, we survived the time together without anything immoral happening. He ended up sleeping in his own room anyway, because his back was in a lot of pain and I told him to go get some good sleep in his own bed rather than on the couch. He didn't really want to but I convinced him to. The only problem that came up, was that he broke up with me Sunday night. Yeah, long story there. Not sure what all happened, but he dumped me.