The other parent report

[waywardone]

So here it is, I am writing a report/ paper on the other parent. I: myself have been raised in the typical "leave it to Beaver" family while my wife has not. I have a six year old step daughter, we have a great relationship, I am the more active father figure in her life in both the fun side and not so fun side lol. Well anyways, my reason for choosing this topic it to explore the drama, and stresses that are endured by the step parent that is all to often overshadowed and ignored in society. It seems that there is a false notion that since we married into the situation that it is our own fault and we should just deal with it. "After all it isn't like we have to raise the child ourselves!", I have heard this more times than i wish to count, and the reality is that most stepparents find themselves having not only to raise the child but also, be there to comfort the child when there are issues at the non custodial parents house. Anyways just wanted to see what you guys views were.

 

[PlanN2WalkONwata]

I have a 6 year old "step"son... and sometimes it sucks. I love him so much, but I still get the bad wrap. His real mom sees him when convenient for her (sometimes only once every 7-8 months), but when he's with her he can act however he wants and gets whatever he wants. She becomes the "cool" one. I'm a stay at home mom of 2... I'm in charge of all fun stuff, but also all the discipline, heartaches, schoolwork, the uncomfortable questions... his dad's family took a LONG time to come around to liking me... so I still have to be careful... we've been threatened with grandma trying to get custody more than once. (She had custody of him until my husband turned 21 - he had him at 16 and b/c of circumstances with the mom, judge handed custody over to grandmother until they were 21). I have to fight EVERYBODY and their MOMMA tooth and nail when I tell my son "NO" on something. (MOVIES HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH, MUSIC HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO, WORDS/SAYINGS HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO SAY) ALSO - My husband's family (not my husband) also don't allow him to call me mommy when he's over their house. They tell him I'm not his mommy, but let it go when I'm around. They've thrown it up in my face that's he not mine. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was told that she wasn't family (although they love her now.) So, yes... being a Stepmom is a very stressful, drama filled life... but... he's totally worth it.

 

[EazyMack]

So here it is, I am writing a report/ paper on the other parent. I: myself have been raised in the typical "leave it to Beaver" family while my wife has not. I have a six year old step daughter, we have a great relationship, I am the more active father figure in her life in both the fun side and not so fun side lol. Well anyways, my reason for choosing this topic it to explore the drama, and stresses that are endured by the step parent that is all to often overshadowed and ignored in society. It seems that there is a false notion that since we married into the situation that it is our own fault and we should just deal with it. "After all it isn't like we have to raise the child ourselves!", I have heard this more times than i wish to count, and the reality is that most stepparents find themselves having not only to raise the child but also, be there to comfort the child when there are issues at the non custodial parents house. Anyways just wanted to see what you guys views were.

WOW. This sounds like me now. I have a 6 year old stepdaughter and a 13 year old stepson. No kids of my own. My wife's side of the family has a lot of brokenness throughout, so it's no surprise that she went through the same before I came around. Step-parenting is easily the most thankless job I'll ever have, even from my wife & her family. That part sucks. But I know I'm doing good.

Another WOW that this thread is like 4 years old and still on the first page of this surprisingly inactive forum.

 

[ReginaPhlange]

I've only got back to using this forum. Signed up ages ago but hardly used it. Is the forum in general always this quiet or just the step parent forum? This site seems to have so many members.....let's at least get the step parents section active!

Anyway, such a relief to read your posts PlanN2WalkONwata and EazyMack!!

You're so right, step parenting is such a thankless job. Step mum here of 11 yr old boy. Love him and treat him as he was my biological son. However, biological mother rarely involved in his life, she left him when he was weeks old. The huge custody case, my fiance vs maternal grandmother....fiance was given custody, but the huge toll left him battling mental illness for years and made him homeless. He asked his mother to look after my step son whilst he was living in a bed and breakfast (didn't think that was the best place to bring up a child). This then turned in battle for years for son to return living with his dad, with nanny (the paternal grandmother) doing everything possible for this not to happen.

Eventually he has been living with us permanently for a few years, and our relationships couldn't be better. But it's others who don't appreciate what I do...and when I point out (or my fiance or step son does) that I'm mum, we get raised eyebrows from other members of the family. Apart from me, he has no other mother around...why would they try to deny him such a vital part of life?!

I'm going now as I know I'm ranting and I don't want to go on lol

But thank you two for posting. Interesting how we do share similar views and experiences!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I've only got back to using this forum. Signed up ages ago but hardly used it. Is the forum in general always this quiet or just the step parent forum? This site seems to have so many members.....let's at least get the step parents section active!

It all depends on the section; some are very hot and have pages of posts every day. It seems like I come here the most when things are rough with the step-son and his mama and I need to vent. My ss's momma is involved with his life.....and trying to ruin ours, lol.

 

[Max Shade]

Stepfather checkin in.

15,12, 9 . . . all boys of the same father. We try and involve him as much as we can and things are mostly amicable. . . but there are struggles, so here I am.

 

[verob]

Yes! All of these posts resonate with me! I'm so glad it's not just me! I end up feeling guilty b/c I feel like it's hard for me to act the same with my SD as with my kids, but it's not b/c of her it's b/c of all the other relationships that we have to function around!!!!! It's hard to raise a kid that everyone else wants you to raise their way!