"The One"

[cinderboard]

This is something I've always pondered about. I suppose this question is aimed mainly at married couples or couples that are in a strong relationship. When you are in a relationship or pursuing a relationship, and you pray about that relationship, does God ever tell you that she (or he) is "the one"?

I've always prayed about all of the relationships I have been involved in. Some of those relationships - one in particular - I felt an overwhelming presence when I prayed. But I never felt God say "she is the one", the message that I got in prayer was "she's important". Long story short, it didn't work out with her, and I'm still single. I'm not really debating the merits of whether it should have worked out or not. The point was I never felt God tell me that she was the one. I guess the question I have is, does God tell us that she's the one? Or is that something for us to decide? If we are waiting for God to tell us "Yes, she's the one", are we essentially waiting in vain?

My opinion, I don't think He does. I think He provides us with opportunities, chances, to meet and add a valuable companion to our lives. But it's up to us, to decide whether or not she (or he) is the one. The woman I mentioned earlier, she was important, I still struggle because I don't know what God meant by important. Maybe she changed my life in some way, like a stepping stone. Maybe I touched her life in some way. But I don't think "important" automatically means "the one".

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I think God to some degree has "the one" for us. But He tries not to bring them into our lives until He thinks we are ready for them... the right time. But being human we can still pass up on them if we aren't ready/don't realize they are for us. So he has to reroute his plans so you meet them again later.

Do I think this is fact? I'd like to think so. If not then I imagine there is no specific one, but he has "some" that could be with us if we choose to let them be. If not he brings another one in our life...etc.

 

[cinderboard]

I can agree with all of that. I just don't think God puts "the one" right in front of us, and makes us choose that person. I think opportunity (or opportunities) is the key word. I think He gives us opportunities to meet and connect with the person he has planned for us. But how we react to those opportunities, that's up to us. God is not going to do everything for us.

Likewise, I don't think He's going to tell us that she's (or he's) the one. To pray: "Lord, show me the sign if she's the one", I think will go unanswered - maybe I'm wrong. But I think that if we really pray about someone, God will reveal whether or not if she is important or not. There's no doubt in my mind that if they are the one he has planned for us, then He'll tell us that they are important. It is our hearts that have to make that decision. But there are people that God will tell us are important, but they're not necessarily the one God has planned for us.

 

[iambren]

My mother has been a saved person since a child, raised in a Christian life. She always felt like a wallflower and when she was 19 my dad walked up to her and swept her off her feet. He was dashing, attractive, smooth-talking and unsaved(though presented himself as "saved").

They married and had 5 children and divorced due to his adulteries. Two of us have gotten seminary degrees, worked in various ministries, and have taken the pulpit. A third son served for years on Campus Crusade for Christ.

Question: For her, was HE the "One"?

 

[dayhiker]

I've heard preaching that there is one mate that God has for each of us. I can't say I've ever felt that God has personally said that to me ether in general or about a specific woman, including the one I married.

Interesting about God saying she was important. An argument that everyone is important can be made and so we are to treat each other in accords with that. Otherwise I have no idea why God used that word.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

The idea that there is one single person out there is just our way of romanticizing. Do a search on this topic, it's been discussed in depth hundreds of times.

 

[cinderboard]

Well the term "important" I think meant that she had a special place, a special purpose, along the path that God is leading me down. I think we've all had people in our lives that we just felt were more important to us than others, perhaps a preacher or a mentor that just cared about us and guided us. That's not to say that all the other people we meet in our lives are unimportant, but when we face life's struggles those really important people really stand out.

I've had my share of struggles. "Keep your eyes on the cross", I'm trying to do that, but it's a lot easier said than done. I think she was important in terms of that struggles. To make the story a little longer, I thought she was "the one". I - I stress "I" - wanted her to be the one. I prayed and then I'd pray some more, asking God to reveal something to me. And He never told me that she was "the one". I kind of got the sense that God told me he would never reveal that. He will give us opportunities, but we have to make the most of those opportunities. Like I said, I have my struggles, I haven't fully overcome them yet. Perhaps some of you can relate, it can be a little difficult trying to discern your voice from God's voice. I haven't found my one yet. But when I do, when I pray to God about her, will He reveal that she's the one? Are we discarding the one (or "ones") simply because God is not explicitly telling us that they are the one?

 

[dano884christ]

Society's concept of "the one" doesn't exist. if you guys are committed to jesus, have the important things in common, and work at your relationship, it's fine. Pick who you want.

 

[iambren]

"My mother has been a saved person since a child, raised in a Christian life. She always felt like a wallflower and when she was 19 my dad walked up to her and swept her off her feet. He was dashing, attractive, smooth-talking and unsaved(though presented himself as "saved").

They married and had 5 children and divorced due to his adulteries. Two of us have gotten seminary degrees, worked in various ministries, and have taken the pulpit. A third son served for years on Campus Crusade for Christ.

Question: For her, was HE the "One"?"

No one has answered me, was he the one?

 

[cinderboard]

I don't think anyone can really tell you. I don't think anyone can tell anybody else if someone is "the one" for them. I think it's something between God and that person (in your case, between your mother and God). The question I originally asked was if God tells us when we meet "the one"? Doe He tell us that she's the one? Or does he just provide the opportunity to meet, and it's up to us to decide. I think God has someone that He designates as "the one" for us, but He doesn't want to make that choice for us, He wants to see how we respond.

I suppose the question to ask your mother, when she prayed after meeting your father, did God tell her he was the one for her? Did she really feel his presence in that decision? I think a lot of times we think we hear God's voice, but is it really God's voice we're hearing? I can't answer those questions for you.

I think the question you may be asking is, "how do we know if we've chosen the one?" Your father may have been the one for your mother, that may be absolutely true. But how do you explain the hurt that he did to her by cheating on her? The children that they produced have obviously chosen to follow God's path, and that leads you to believe that he was the one for her. Was it God's plan for your mother and father to come together and produce the offspring that they did? Was it God's plan to have him cheat on your mother? I don't know the entire situation, so I'm hesitant to say very much, but if I had to guess, I'd say one of them stopped listening to God at some point. Maybe he wasn't the one for your mother, but your mother chose not to listen to God. Maybe your father stopped listening to God and decided to cheat on your mother. Maybe they stopped listening to God at some other point.

Can bad things happen to us, to our relationships, even if we manage to correctly choose "the one"? I don't know the answer to that question either. I would like to believe that the answer is no. That two people who are meant to be together, that are soulmates, that everything just flows with no struggles, or issues, or problems. But I also think that following God's path is something we constantly have to be aware of. And that if we stop listening to God for even a brief moment, it can disrupt the whole path that we are on.

 

[Conchobar]

By God for God is the world we are called to live in. I too am in a relationship based around Christ. I am a new believer and she has been a believer her whole life. Christ found me through her and I now put all my faith in Christ.

Cinderboard; I don't think God will tell you "she's the one" without first speaking into your heart "I am the One". You're looking to choose a partner that you can love and that can love you for the rest of your life. You have that One! I pray that you are no longer confused about the priorities here. In addition to that -I pray that once you understand that you already have your One, his qualities evoke in you a direction that leads your path to cross hers - a woman who has her One - and together, the two of you share your purpose in that One.

As for iambren; Your question brings to light the wisdom that is gained far after the "in-the-moment" questioning.
Many of the things we are called to do in our hearts are for a temporary purpose, yet also, if not more-so, for an even greater purpose down the road.

Was He the One for your mother? For the time being yes - possibly, however... When the relationship ended in divorce - God did not stop working in your mothers life, he continued working through her Children, if not through her as well as the divorces husband in different areas of the lives that were previously untouched.

Cinderboard, do you see how it is critical to keep God as your number One Love and Priority? I wish you well brother - The feeling of being alone is difficult! I pray that you find comfort in Christ!

Exodus 33:14 - "My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest."

 

[iambren]

"The children that they produced have obviously chosen to follow God's path, and that leads you to believe that he was the one for her. Was it God's plan for your mother and father to come together and produce the offspring that they did? "

I think that this is my point. Whenever I see people talking about the issue of the "One" there seems to be this dreamy-eyed view of the matter. Yet, how do you know that the "One" for you might not be a road of suffering. Job was called into his testing. So maybe this magical someone might not turn out to be the fantasy you thought. Chasing after the "One" doesn't seem so glorious now, despite the fact that there are a zillion conditions that can lead to our being married, a lot of which is not visited with a holy injunction.

Was my mom/dad the one for each other? I'm Calvinistic in faith so I have to say yes; God decrees things. I remember two main things in my childhood home: the strong disjunction, evil vs good fighting between parents COMPARED to the joy,warmth,closeness,brotherly love and specialness we felt or each other. Many neighbor kids LOVED hanging out at our home, one grew up there!

So who knows the "One"? You pray, make the best choice, love all you can, and hope it works out. But sometimes it doesn't, sadly.