The memories

[Million Pieces]

are starting to get to me.

Memories of the days way back, when he used to love me. I have to think quite a way back of course, but they were there. Maybe I'm remembering days when I wanted to think he loved me.

Memories of little sweetie things he used to say, how he used to caress me.

Now I have a hard time going in the Marrieds' main forum, and sometimes the Women's forums lately, because of all the lovey posts in there. "I just LOVE my husband!" or, "what do you LOVE best about your spouse".... I miss most of all knowing I'm loved.

Why couldn't he just have honoured my requests not to keep female friends? Why couldn't he have simply honoured my rights as his wife? Why couldn't he just respect my feelings about his friends?

Why did he retreat from me when I was depressed? Why couldn't he reach out to me and help me get the help I needed? Why couldn't he admit he hadn't ever forgiven me, instead of just burying it inside to fester?

Why didn't I grow up and meet him as his wife? Why did I send him to search for fulfillment in the arms and beds of other women?


Why did I have that one-night stand when we were engaged?





It's all my fault. We were doomed before we ever started. I cheated first, he never forgave, and then I abandoned him emotionally. I stayed the immature and needy teeanger.

 

[5kidsdad]

Hey, now...stop blaming yourself for everything. These feelings are normal. You have spent years cultivating a relatioship with one person, then, in my case, began an emotional fling with another man. It was after I left that it became physical. I did contribute to our problems, but I did not do anytrhing that was worthy of cheating. I admit my missteps. You will have to, once you are able to emotionally, look at things, and come to some conclusions about the state of your relationship. It is never one person's fault...there are always circumstances on both sides that contribute. Do not beat yourself up, you can't do that. Pray, and ask God for help when those feelings overcome you. It will be tough, there are days that still hurt, but you can make it. I was really feeling love toward my STBX, but then she went, made some demands, and went against some of the plans that we had mutually agreed on. Killed that feeling...I realized she will never change. I know what it is like to still love, miss the company and companionship, etc. You will make it...trust in Him. There are a lot of people here that will hold you in prayer.

God bless,

5kd

 

[dayknee]

Im sorry you are feeling so hurt. It hurts me to even read your words.
People make mistakes and if you're lucky enough to have forgivness on both sides it is easier to move on. I would not blame yourself entirley...Im sure there are things that both of you might have done to eachother. But let me tell you what God sees. He sees the righteousnes of Christ in you. He does not see your sin..He sees the person he loves more than anything and forgives more than anything..so much so that you have been washed to snow white. You are forgiven for your sins..and you are loved..do not beat yourself up. I know its not easy to do that..I still do it about my own marriage..I blame myself for not being this or that..or not doing this or that..I hate that feeling of failure..its very painful..but I also know that I cant change it and I cant go back.
Im sorry so much that you are hurting..the pain is unbearable at times..Im sorry..Im going to pray for you.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Sweetie, I know you and you're being WAY too hard on yourself. You're blaming YOU for your marriage failing when you should realize it takes two to tango in any scenario, and with the knowledge I have, I would say it's leaning far more on him than on you. You are not blameless, but you are also not entirely at fault.

I know this is going to sound REALLY cheesy, but I love you. I know it's by far not the same, and being loved by a husband and a friend are different (albeit I can throw my voice for ya if you want me to say it differently )but I do love you and cherish you are a precious jewel of God and as a precious gem of a friend.

 

[Million Pieces]

Thanks everyone for such awesome encouragement. I can't tell you how therapeutic it is to have loving people to vent to, who understand the various and deep emotions going on. I am just starting to realize the horrible roller-coaster of emotions that happens when a marriage dies. A friend of mine put it VERY well: it's a death without a tombstone.

Hallee, I love you immensely. I SO need to call you, have you changed your number recently? I'll try the ones I have. Yeh, I haven't talked to you since I found out he's had affairs. I know that doesn't do anything to change your existing opinion of him. Don't worry, he knows he's not worth it.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Oh, it changes my opinion of him, but God will forgive me

I'm so sorry you have the rollercoaster from hell going on hun. I love you.

 

[catlover]

are starting to get to me.

Memories of the days way back, when he used to love me. I have to think quite a way back of course, but they were there. Maybe I'm remembering days when I wanted to think he loved me.

Memories of little sweetie things he used to say, how he used to caress me.

Now I have a hard time going in the Marrieds' main forum, and sometimes the Women's forums lately, because of all the lovey posts in there. "I just LOVE my husband!" or, "what do you LOVE best about your spouse".... I miss most of all knowing I'm loved.

Why couldn't he just have honoured my requests not to keep female friends? Why couldn't he have simply honoured my rights as his wife? Why couldn't he just respect my feelings about his friends?

Why did he retreat from me when I was depressed? Why couldn't he reach out to me and help me get the help I needed? Why couldn't he admit he hadn't ever forgiven me, instead of just burying it inside to fester?

Why didn't I grow up and meet him as his wife? Why did I send him to search for fulfillment in the arms and beds of other women?


Why did I have that one-night stand when we were engaged?





It's all my fault. We were doomed before we ever started. I cheated first, he never forgave, and then I abandoned him emotionally. I stayed the immature and needy teeanger.

Hon-excrement happens. Marriage brings no guarantees. Please, do this, take care of yourself and learn to love yourself again.

 

[captiveheart]

Memories good and bad and the regrets we accumulate through life will always be with us. How we allow them to affect us is what is important. It is ok to remember the good and cringe over the bad. It's ok to sigh and wonder if we had only done this or that. It's all part of what becomes our life. When we look to the future, we see with greater wisdom from the eyes of our past. Love will return and fill you as you have only so far dreamed.

 

[captiveheart]

double post, doh!

 

[Million Pieces]

I'm trying so hard to get stronger. I have such emotional days, and then such strong days. Right now I'm hormonal, so that doesnt' help. I'm just very relieved to be able to pour this all out and have people who don't judge, and who are so understanding and supportive. Thanks you guys, for being so wonderful and patient with me.

 

[5kidsdad]

I'm trying so hard to get stronger. I have such emotional days, and then such strong days. Right now I'm hormonal, so that doesnt' help. I'm just very relieved to be able to pour this all out and have people who don't judge, and who are so understanding and supportive. Thanks you guys, for being so wonderful and patient with me.

Emotional days are normal...and part of the process. I guess you have to go through them to eventually be 'normal' again...whatever that is. Be strong, pray, and lean on God. You will get through this...and you will have better days as well. Emotional rollercoaster, some of us know what that is like. We can feel what you are going through...and sympathize...

Be well, and God bless...

5kd