The long lonely stretch

[question33]

How long does the loneliness last?

Six months into a divorce of a marriage of 18 years. She had a habit of dating while married and wouldn't quit.

A couple months from it being final and the pain finally starts to fade the absolute loneliness settles in. Does it really take years to get over this? I am so sick of being alone. Everyone saying, he has handled it perfectly. I spent six months trying to find blame with myself. Every one says he hasn't done anything horribly wrong. Taken care of the kids. Been genuine and generous.

Is it so wrong to just want to it to end so you can have a hope of a new beginning?

 

[SearcherKris]

Dear Brother,
I'm so sorry for the pain and loneliness you have endured.

Have you tried a ministry called DivorceCare? It is a non-denominational Christian support group for separation and divorce recovery. You can look online to see if there is a group near you. You can also signup for daily e-mail encouragment for people who are going through divorce. They also recommend some good reading resources for divorce.

One thing that I have learned through DivorceCare is that being alone does not have to mean being lonely. Sometimes this statement helps, and sometimes it does not. Because sometimes I feel lonely, even when I'm not alone. I've got two kids and we live with my mother and 18 year old sister. The lonely moments come at night when everyone is sleeping. I don't have a significant other to snuggle up against or whisper about my day to.

I don't get kisses, unless they are the sticky, slobbery kind from my four year old son! These are sweet kisses, and I enjoy them, but it's not the same.

I don't have someone to share the intimate details of my heart and mind to, and who shares from their heart as well. I don't have someone who prays with me each day for my kids and for each other.

Yeah, even with people around, it's lonely.

Does it end? I don't know. Maybe if we find a new, godly, mate. Maybe if God picks the person. Maybe if Jesus comes back.

I guess we'll find out sooner or later!

 

[JohnDB]

Knowing cause I have been married as long as you were when I divorced...

I don't have an answer you will like so much.

The lonliness ends when you decide it ends.
You can choose to accept life as it is now or not.

There have been a lot of changes taking place within you and your surroundings and those also take some time getting used to. The new apartment, the money crunch, making out the bills, cooking, laundry, and then of course visitation with your children.

All of this while the pain of the divorce is new to you. You enjoyed the illusion of someone loving you for a long time. Now that illusion is over. But the love that the children have of you is real and solid and genuine.

In the meantime while you finish healing:

Make some new friends in the realm of singledom. (real world)
DO NOT GO ON A DATE WITH A WOMAN!!!!! (you'll only get into a type of relationship you shouldn't have)
Get involved at church where possible.
Work at your job a little harder than normal.
Start planning on what you are going to do about the next two holidays coming up with the children or without. (easter and memorial day)
Start planning on a summer vacation with the children.
Keep busy and talking by cell phone or house phone with your new friends when you can.
And if you make your apartment/home most attractive to your teenager's friends (with food and games) you will see them more than you would dream possible.

Hope this helps.

I know that you don't FEEL like doing any of this. But trust me on this one...it really does work.