The Gratitude Habit

[ValleyGal]

"My definition of gratitude includes appreciating not just what your partner does, but who they are as a person. You're not just thankful that your partner took out the trash — you're thankful that you have a partner who is thoughtful enough to know you hate taking out the trash."
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Happy couples can make it seem like it all comes naturally, but in reality any strong, quality relationship requires a hefty amount of work. If you want to make your relationship stronger — and you're willing to put in the effort — gratitude itself can help you and your partner feel happier and more connected.
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Gratitude is contagious, Gordon's research found. It produces a cascade of feelings and behaviors, many of which also happen to be critical to strengthening a relationship. When you actively think about your partner's caring qualities, you begin to think about how much he or she means to you.

The full article:
https://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/science-says-couples-one-habit-135700431.html

The research involved participants keeping a journal. Although it is not mentioned in the article, I wonder if keeping a journal itself was part of the bottom line - that is, reflecting on and remembering the things your partner does to bring about your gratitude factors into the success of gratitude-embracing relationships.

Doing thoughtful things is only part of the equation.... your spouse has to notice them and also be grateful for them. You are responsible for being thoughtful towards your spouse, and you are also responsible for noticing thoughtful things your spouse does for you, and being grateful for it. This takes some self-and-other awareness, it takes emotional intelligence, it takes a positive and optimistic framework for interpretation. Your interpretation of your spouse's thoughtfulness is more important than the thoughtful act itself because gratitude comes from within. It's a frame of mind that shapes behaviour. And don't forget that it's not just about being grateful for thoughtful acts....it's being grateful for a spouse who does thoughtful acts.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Gratitude and resentment are things that I can't seem to have both of at the same time.