the first year

Why does God make us continue after a loss like this??? There are times when I could stay in bed until I rot. Sure, I could go to my pastor and we would pray but in all honesty, it becomes little more than a distraction from the pain....how can this be anything other than raw for the rest of our lives???

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grieving is a painful process... i think it's just part of us. the Lord grieves for us. so, i think it's just a painful part of the seperation we exsperiance. we mourne the joy and tears of life that was, and should have been, when we loose someone unexspectedly. bless your heart. when i lost my dad, i was exstreemly distraught at times. i also had an incredible guilt over the relationship we had/ didn't have. it tore my senses apart to think of the terror and grief he must have had in his final hours too. no one exspected it. he was so young.... ok. well, i made a scap book of memories, dreams, thoughts, and poured out my love for him in it. i worked on it when needing him close. i put it away when i felt better. i still take it out. just to look through it and feel his memories more clearor. i'm finally past the grieving. but it took me serveral years. there was so many thoughts and feelings that just took time for me to process and get through. i'm sorry for your loss. bless your heart. xo dee

a poem i like to share

I am so sorry for your loss, that has got to hurt, I may never know what it is like to lose a child, they're suppose to bury us, life isn't a guarantee, it really isn't.

We are just spinning around on a big planet, trying to survive, and live our lives, and then something like that happens.

There is a saying from Sirach in the catholic bible it says
"Even in face of crushing misfortune trust in the lord." And I do hope there is a heaven and you can see your son really living it up without a care in the world, only to be hurt I guess at seeing you not happy. Try to go on, you have no choice you have to survive.

You know I believe in evolution and if nature could force us to exist here on the Earth one time then maybe it has forced us to exist on another planet with a total duplication of the human race, and your son has been duplicated over there, wondering how he got there?

If the human race has come into existance by dumb luck then maybe it has happened again somewhere else?

I remember when the psychiatrist diagnoised me with schizophreniform, which is the initial diagnosis they give a patient till they know your symptoms are not going to clear up on their own and in fact you have schizophrenia, and you will need medication for the rest of your life. I mean I was catatonic, scared senseless I was going to hear voices, and I had no concentration only my brain repeating paranoid delusional scenarios of people out to get me and try to put me in jail, like frame me for something. It was a terrible delusion I lived like that for four years, with those delusions, till I couldn't concentrate anymore, my mind was gone after that, completely gone. I couldn't think straight anymore, and weird stuff would make sense, because I couldn't think clearly. But I went to the hospital and I dropped out for a semester and recovered very quickly in like two months till where I could go back to school and finish my degree. My thoughts were still clouded but I still managed to do well.

So I am telling you, no matter how bad it looks, no mater how tragic and hurtful this human condition gets, it still can work out where you find peace and happiness, and you go forward, a stronger person, who maybe a little crazier than before, but still harder to knock down. Your son would want you to be happy, go forward and be the loving and caring person he wanted you to be before he left you.

It is easier said than done you bet, like someone says some magic words and everything feels better, but really it is a daily struggle to enjoy the human condition.

Hang in there you'll get better, that which doesn't kill us or make us totally crazy, makes us stronger.

Feel Better soon,

Thomas

I'm so sorry you lost your son. Cry whenever you want, the tears will help ease the pain as time goes by. You will never forget him and you will have pain but as time passes it eases up some. I lost my mom and dad and sister and time heals some but we always have them in our hearts and in our mind. God bless you.

ladyt28 said:

March 1 is coming up faster than I want it to. Am I going to feel like this all month? Is part of it just being tired of winter, snow and storms so it is making the grief worse? I wish I could could just stay wrapped up in bed until it was about March 15th.

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My condolences on your loss. My husband and I lost our son, our only child (age 16) in a car accident six years ago. So I can certainly relate to the devastating pain. It DOES feel like your heart was ripped out. You described it well. Am I understanding you correctly that March 1 will be the first anniversary of your step-son's death?

I think the "first" everything after they are gone is the worst and the time around it seems hard too. For us, it has gotten a little easier as the years go by, but I will tell you that even six years later, I think of my son and miss him every single day. But time does help the pain.

I don't know if you are much of a reader (I am personally) but I would recommend Marilyn Heavilyn's book Roses in December and Zig Ziglar's Book, Confessions of a Grieving Christian. Also, I wrote a small book for bereaved parents and we published it last year. If you would like a copy, I would be happy to send you one if you would want to send me your address via private message.
Praying for you.
blessings to you and your husband-
kaykay

ladyt28 said:

Last New Years Eve I had a husband and a step-son...they were both asleep in the living room just before midnight hit. I had to wake them up to watch the ball drop and then we all turned in for the night. 5 days later my step son left for Florida....that was the last time we ever saw him. He died March 1 down there. His spirit here is so strong right now. Hubby and I are both drowning in grief but trying to get through it - thank you Lord for Your comfort and grace...but we still pray for the day when our time on this painful Earth is over.

When I heard that Josh was dead, I could feel a large chunk of my chest and heart being torn out. It howls with unbearable pain - I can hear it, I can feel it. Why does God make us continue after a loss like this??? There are times when I could stay in bed until I rot. Sure, I could go to my pastor and we would pray but in all honesty, it becomes little more than a distraction from the pain....how can this be anything other than raw for the rest of our lives???

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I am sooooo sorry for your loss. The first year is a very difficult time to go through. I remember, even as a child, not wanting to do anything after my mother died. But, in time, God grants us peace within ourselves and we are able to take baby steps on the path to "normal" (whatever that is) life.

It is important to keep praying. There is no doubt in my mind about that. But if you are having trouble getting out of bed, and you feel you cannot function through the pain, I would suggest seeing a doctor. A doctor can best help you find ways to help you through this most difficult of times.

My mother has been gone a very long time. I still miss her so much sometimes. But the pain of it has abated greatly. I know losing a child is a whole different thing, but I wish you peace and an end to the unbearable pain you are experiencing now.

ladyt28 said:

When I heard that Josh was dead, I could feel a large chunk of my chest and heart being torn out. It howls with unbearable pain - I can hear it, I can feel it. Why does God make us continue after a loss like this??? There are times when I could stay in bed until I rot. Sure, I could go to my pastor and we would pray but in all honesty, it becomes little more than a distraction from the pain....how can this be anything other than raw for the rest of our lives???

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Having never lost a born child, Moriah cannot even begin to imagine the depth of your grief. But it has lost its Daddy and other loved ones so it at least knows what that bes like, to have death take someone. And it can relate fully and completely to your descriptive words about how that heartache feels, just like you said, howling inside with pain, heart ripped out, torn, shattered, screaming inside, you can FEEL it in your body, it bes not just a mind thing. It knows those feelings all too well and it bes truly sorry to hear anyone else having to endure them for any reason.

As for the distraction ... well there bes something to be said for that. No, it does not take away the pain either completely nor permanently -- you have doubtless prayed and prayed and discovered that quite quickly. But Jesus said that anyone who gives a thirsty person even ONE cup of cold water in the name of a mere disciple shall not lose his reward. Clearly, one cup of cold water -- just enough to stop being thirsty for a moment -- has its place in God's plan. OK, so prayer with your pastor (or by yourself or with others) will not fix it all. We've established that. It won't end the aching torture permanently. But can it quench your thirst just for one moment? Just for the few moments you "drink" the "cup of cold water" (engage in prayer) does it ease your sorrow a bit? Does it relieve just a little bit? Then by all means, do it, just like you would do a hot bath or a little shopping trip or a comfort food for those few moments of relief and succor, do prayer too. Because while you may not notice it right away, those little cups of cold water which apparently only relieve partially and for fleeting moments ... they bes formulating a fountain of the waters of life inside you, feeding and nourishing and replenishing that fountain, and one day it WILL spring forth again, probably when YOU least expect it and when someone ELSE needs a drink.

Moriah promises, because God does.

God bless you and comfort your hearts during this hard time for you and your family.