The Eternal FriendZoning

[Thoth0]

Greetings. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.
I am a Single White 25 Yr. Male
I am currently stuck in a never ending loop of being good freinds with multiple women between the ages of 19-36 and many of them want to take the next step but I feel it would be wrong of me to do so. Mind you many of these ladies are smart and well educated but have been on the wrong side of a few relationships and when the conversation moves towards the becoming more than friends they start to give off the desperate vibe. I do the right thing and politely decline but they still insist in on remaining friends to do something more. I have been told it is wrong of me to do this to them? But dont see how it is my fault when I am just being nice, polite, and respectful
Any suggestions?

 

[salt-n-light]

Greetings. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.
I am a Single White 25 Yr. Male
I am currently stuck in a never ending loop of being good freinds with multiple women between the ages of 19-36 and many of them want to take the next step but I feel it would be wrong of me to do so. Mind you many of these ladies are smart and well educated but have been on the wrong side of a few relationships and when the conversation moves towards the becoming more than friends they start to give off the desperate vibe. I do the right thing and politely decline but they still insist in on remaining friends to do something more. I have been told it is wrong of me to do this to them? But dont see how it is my fault when I am just being nice, polite, and respectful
Any suggestions?

Hard to say. but if you're seeing a trend that you tend to attract women that come off as desperate, maybe it's worth reevaluating how you are being in that situation and what about how you're presenting yourself invite such women. You found a common factor is that they all have been in the "wrong side of a few relationships". Not sure what that means, but it means something to you. Maybe strive to be around women who were in the right side, and not prioritize time with the others.

Seems though to be a communication problem and maybe you need to be a bit more clearer on your intentions.I figured that if all had that opportunity to have the talk on being more than friends, then there were signals being place to say that it was open for conversation. If your plans for them is to be friends, then the actions gotta match it. If you're planning to be romantic, then the approaches should match that. If not friends, then match those actions. If they disagree, then make decision to keep boundaries. You can be nice, polite, respectful, and still be very clear on intentions and boundaries.

 

[dqhall]

Greetings. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.
I am a Single White 25 Yr. Male
I am currently stuck in a never ending loop of being good freinds with multiple women between the ages of 19-36 and many of them want to take the next step but I feel it would be wrong of me to do so. Mind you many of these ladies are smart and well educated but have been on the wrong side of a few relationships and when the conversation moves towards the becoming more than friends they start to give off the desperate vibe. I do the right thing and politely decline but they still insist in on remaining friends to do something more. I have been told it is wrong of me to do this to them? But dont see how it is my fault when I am just being nice, polite, and respectful
Any suggestions?

Jesus warned against marrying a woman with a history of adultery. Paul warned his readers to flee from fornication (premarital sex).

I did online dating. I had a blind date with a woman at a restaurant bar. She was a divorced bank employee, had a house with a pool and rented out two mobile homes she had bought during the housing crash. We talked and ate lunch at the bar. She told me she wanted sex with me. I told her no. She called me crazy. We left the restaurant separately. I did not call her again.

I prefer celibacy, not the insanity of fornication.

 

[salt-n-light]

Jesus warned against marrying a woman with a history of adultery. Paul warned his readers to flee from fornication (premarital sex).

I did online dating. I had a blind date with a woman at a restaurant bar. She was a divorced bank employee, had a house with a pool and rented out two mobile homes she had bought during the housing crash. We talked and ate lunch at the bar. She told me she wanted sex with me. I told her no. She called me crazy. We left the restaurant separately. I did not call her again.

I prefer celibacy to the insanity of fornication.

Maybe I missed something, @Thoth0 "the next step" meaning sex or just girlfriend?

 

[Thoth0]

Maybe I missed something, @Thoth0 "the next step" meaning sex or just girlfriend?

Sometimes it is sex and other times it is to go on to a relationship. And to answer your previous statement, I make my quite clear on where I stand and what I am looking for. And most of the time, it is the other party that approaches me to talk and then after a few minutes of Q&A, I start to here their whole life story. I really think what causes the other party to get attached like they do is I listen to what they have to say and give sound, logical advice for what they may want to try in the future.
I have had this problem since Sophomore year of High School and many of the girls have grown to be good friends, but after 10 years it is starting to get a little old.My family didn't believe me when I told them so I took them out to eat a place downtown to prove it. Now they tell me to just keep doing what I have been doing and be supportive of the women I meet.

 

[salt-n-light]

Sometimes it is sex and other times it is to go on to a relationship. And to answer your previous statement, I make my quite clear on where I stand and what I am looking for. And most of the time, it is the other party that approaches me to talk and then after a few minutes of Q&A, I start to here their whole life story. I really think what causes the other party to get attached like they do is I listen to what they have to say and give sound, logical advice for what they may want to try in the future.
I have had this problem since Sophomore year of High School and many of the girls have grown to be good friends, but after 10 years it is starting to get a little old.My family didn't believe me when I told them so I took them out to eat a place downtown to prove it. Now they tell me to just keep doing what I have been doing and be supportive of the women I meet.

so then you're perfect, what other advice would you be looking for

 

[Thoth0]

so then you're perfect, what other advice would you be looking for

Any suggestions on how to get out of these situations? I have no issue doing what I am doing but it is tedious and mentally trying. I would honestly like to take full advantage of it but am unable to do to my conscious. And please don't say stop going out. I honestly would like a companion to spend quality time with but not someone who is using me to easy there own suffering.

 

[salt-n-light]

Any suggestions on how to get out of these situations? I have no issue doing what I am doing but it is tedious and mentally trying. I would honestly like to take full advantage of it but am unable to do to my conscious. And please don't say stop going out. I honestly would like a companion to spend quality time with but not someone who is using me to easy there own suffering.

Well depends on you, because I hear alot of "well these girls do this, and they always do that", and that you're constantly being who you are. So as long as both variables are the same, you will always get the same results. So its either you have to change the environment you usually go to to find women in hopes to find someone that doesn't talk much about their life story, or you need to change how you're approaching them. Because you can't change any of the girls, but you can only change yourself.

So the question would be which are you willing to change?

 

[Sketcher]

Greetings. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.
I am a Single White 25 Yr. Male
I am currently stuck in a never ending loop of being good freinds with multiple women between the ages of 19-36 and many of them want to take the next step but I feel it would be wrong of me to do so. Mind you many of these ladies are smart and well educated but have been on the wrong side of a few relationships and when the conversation moves towards the becoming more than friends they start to give off the desperate vibe. I do the right thing and politely decline but they still insist in on remaining friends to do something more. I have been told it is wrong of me to do this to them? But dont see how it is my fault when I am just being nice, polite, and respectful
Any suggestions?

It's wrong to do that to yourself, you don't want to be that kind of friend.

Sometimes it is sex and other times it is to go on to a relationship. And to answer your previous statement, I make my quite clear on where I stand and what I am looking for. And most of the time, it is the other party that approaches me to talk and then after a few minutes of Q&A, I start to here their whole life story. I really think what causes the other party to get attached like they do is I listen to what they have to say and give sound, logical advice for what they may want to try in the future.

How about this: Don't do that with women that you're not interested in dating. Heck, I would say to most guys to not do that with women they are interested in dating, because a lot of guys do that and the women are not even interested in dating them, but they do appreciate the emotional support - which isn't appropriate to give them if you're not in a committed relationship at the right stage.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Greetings. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.
I am a Single White 25 Yr. Male
I am currently stuck in a never ending loop of being good freinds with multiple women between the ages of 19-36 and many of them want to take the next step but I feel it would be wrong of me to do so. Mind you many of these ladies are smart and well educated but have been on the wrong side of a few relationships and when the conversation moves towards the becoming more than friends they start to give off the desperate vibe. I do the right thing and politely decline but they still insist in on remaining friends to do something more. I have been told it is wrong of me to do this to them? But dont see how it is my fault when I am just being nice, polite, and respectful
Any suggestions?

Wish I had your problem.