The Death of Politeness

[Akita Suggagaki]

We don't have to worry about being polite anymore. "Politically correct" language no longer required. We are now more free to say whatever we want regardless of who might be offended. And we have a role model in chief to show us how to do it. As a culture we have chosen impoliteness, rudeness, discourtesy, vulgarity, and crudeness. Certainly television , movies and social media confirm this choice. Yes, rudeness has always been present but it seems to have become the norm.

Make no mistake. It is un-Christian. It is true that correction and accountability offered in love can come across or seem rude to the person receiving it. So, we must be careful within ourselves as to what we are really about, what we are trying to do. On this forum, for example. The art of discussion involves presentation of ideas, correction, debate and possibly change of mind. How we do it makes all the difference in how effective we will be. It is so easy to let our emotions obliterate our politeness filter.

The hardest part is when we, ourselves feel insulted. We have a choice: retaliate or model the behavior we would like to see. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is a simple rule that pre-dates even Jesus. If we want to be "salt" we need to change.

 

[trophy33]

It may be subjective. Somebody may expect much more politeness than what is suitable in a specific situation. Somebody even considers strict, direct answers to be impolite.

However, we should not be taking things too personally, namely in online forums and if we did, then we should forgive and forget any personal hurts.

The limitations of the written text with people we do not know can lead to various misunderstandings about the tone, meaning or intention.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

It may be subjective. Somebody may expect much more politeness than what is suitable in a specific situation. Somebody even considers strict, direct answers to be impolite.

However, we should not be taking things too personally, namely in online forums and if we did, then we should forgive and forget any personal hurts.

The limitations of the written text with people we do not know can lead to various misunderstandings about the tone, meaning or intention.

So true. And so much is cultural. Even looking a person in the eye can be "rude".

I didn't know there is a "Politeness Theory"

Politeness - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Jerry N.]

When I was a boy many years ago, I cursed in front of my father, and it wasn’t something like simply hitting my finger with a hammer, which would have been slightly more acceptable. Rather than getting angry at me, he explained that it showed a lack of vocabulary and intelligence. Some years later, I was teaching inmates at a prison how to read and write. They had a working vocabulary of about 300 words, and one or two words peppered most of what they had to say. As their vocabulary increased, the foul language decreased. Today, news pundits with good educations curse all of the time. What happened?

 

[ozso]

We don't have to worry about being polite anymore. "Politically correct" language no longer required. We are now more free to say whatever we want regardless of who might be offended. And we have a role model in chief to show us how to do it. As a culture we have chosen impoliteness, rudeness, discourtesy, vulgarity, and crudeness. Certainly television , movies and social media confirm this choice. Yes, rudeness has always been present but it seems to have become the norm.

Make no mistake. It is un-Christian. It is true that correction and accountability offered in love can come across or seem rude to the person receiving it. So, we must be careful within ourselves as to what we are really about, what we are trying to do. On this forum, for example. The art of discussion involves presentation of ideas, correction, debate and possibly change of mind. How we do it makes all the difference in how effective we will be. It is so easy to let our emotions obliterate our politeness filter.

The hardest part is when we, ourselves feel insulted. We have a choice: retaliate or model the behavior we would like to see. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is a simple rule that pre-dates even Jesus. If we want to be "salt" we need to change.

This comes out as supporting the President of the United States ("role model in chief") is un-Christian.

I think @Michie summed it up best:

When every single thought ties to Trump, then there is your first clue it’s an exercise in futility. Then clumsily trying to tie your obvious political bias in with Christianity… there are too many issues to count. Topping it off by trying to take the moral high ground is just not palatable on any level imo. Obsession is not pretty.

Everyone thinks the government should do their work for them.

 

[mourningdove~]

We don't have to worry about being polite anymore. "Politically correct" language no longer required. We are now more free to say whatever we want regardless of who might be offended. And we have a role model in chief to show us how to do it. As a culture we have chosen impoliteness, rudeness, discourtesy, vulgarity, and crudeness. Certainly television , movies and social media confirm this choice. Yes, rudeness has always been present but it seems to have become the norm.

Make no mistake. It is un-Christian. It is true that correction and accountability offered in love can come across or seem rude to the person receiving it. So, we must be careful within ourselves as to what we are really about, what we are trying to do. On this forum, for example. The art of discussion involves presentation of ideas, correction, debate and possibly change of mind. How we do it makes all the difference in how effective we will be. It is so easy to let our emotions obliterate our politeness filter.

The hardest part is when we, ourselves feel insulted. We have a choice: retaliate or model the behavior we would like to see. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is a simple rule that pre-dates even Jesus. If we want to be "salt" we need to change.

Many persons' hearts have grown cold. Many Christians have lost their first love ... Jesus.

As sin and lawlessness continues to increase in the world, so shall we continue to see our language and communication styles with one another continue to be harsh and become harsher ... less 'polite'. Because sin hardens the heart. And what comes out of the mouth reflects what is in the heart.

What countries like America need now is revival. Spiritual revival. A repentance and a turning back to God.

We may not live long enough to see a national revival, but we can still pray and seek personal revival. I think God would be pleased to do that, for those who are hungering for holiness ... and more of the love of Christ on this earth.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

We don't have to worry about being polite anymore. "Politically correct" language no longer required. We are now more free to say whatever we want regardless of who might be offended. And we have a role model in chief to show us how to do it. As a culture we have chosen impoliteness, rudeness, discourtesy, vulgarity, and crudeness. Certainly television , movies and social media confirm this choice. Yes, rudeness has always been present but it seems to have become the norm.

Make no mistake. It is un-Christian. It is true that correction and accountability offered in love can come across or seem rude to the person receiving it. So, we must be careful within ourselves as to what we are really about, what we are trying to do. On this forum, for example. The art of discussion involves presentation of ideas, correction, debate and possibly change of mind. How we do it makes all the difference in how effective we will be. It is so easy to let our emotions obliterate our politeness filter.

The hardest part is when we, ourselves feel insulted. We have a choice: retaliate or model the behavior we would like to see. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is a simple rule that pre-dates even Jesus. If we want to be "salt" we need to change.

More and more, I find that people react with suspicion when you attempt to be polite or kind. They wonder what you are after or are suggesting that you deem them incapable. The culture has gone south when even your salt stings their eyes, and light burns them.

 

[chevyontheriver]

We don't have to worry about being polite anymore. "Politically correct" language no longer required. We are now more free to say whatever we want regardless of who might be offended. And we have a role model in chief to show us how to do it.

This is not a new thing. I noticed it when I came back to this country in 1981 and they were calling the president 'Ronnie Ray-gun". The hatred seemed extreme back then, but it has incremented many times since then. It is a bit bipartisan, with Clinton and Obama and Biden being attacked, but very much Bush I and Bush II and especially Trump like there is no tomorrow. I joked a year ago that the Democrats secretly wanted Trump again so they could impeach him a few more times.

Any how, it is not the role model in chief that caused it, although he is a nasty proponent of impoliteness. It's much much older. I think it has the potential of bringing us to a hot civil war.

 

[Jerry N.]

This is not a new thing. I noticed it when I came back to this country in 1981 and they were calling the president 'Ronnie Ray-gun". The hatred seemed extreme back then, but it has incremented many times since then. It is a bit bipartisan, with Clinton and Obama and Biden being attacked, but very much Bush I and Bush II and especially Trump like there is no tomorrow. I joked a year ago that the Democrats secretly wanted Trump again so they could impeach him a few more times.

Any how, it is not the role model in chief that caused it, although he is a nasty proponent of impoliteness. It's much much older. I think it has the potential of bringing us to a hot civil war.

I wasn't in America, but I remember the attacks on presidents you mentioned. The attacks today seem more "primitive" and more numerous. If you ever read "The Power and the Glory," it clearly shows the difference between honoring the position and not the person. That seems completely lost today.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

This is not a new thing.

I was born in 1955. I think drastic changes started about in the 60's. Calling police "pigs" for example.
Of course that was also the time of struggle for basic civil rights. Segregation laws while unjust were not in the same class of rudeness.
One could be a polite racist if certain people kept their place.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

More and more, I find that people react with suspicion when you attempt to be polite or kind. They wonder what you are after or are suggesting that you deem them incapable. The culture has gone south when even your salt stings their eyes, and light burns them.

Oh ya, these days we really can't trust any stranger. So many scams and people ready to take advantage.
A genuinely polite person can seem a bit suspicious to us jaded people.

 

[chevyontheriver]

If you ever read "The Power and the Glory," it clearly shows the difference between honoring the position and not the person. That seems completely lost today.

Exactly. Graham Green was great.

 

[jmldn2]

I totally agree that "politeness" has almost disappeared. But how can one remain polite with the hateful, sometimes evil connotations surrounding conversation and especially on social media. The MSM sows such division.

 

[bèlla]

Society was sliding downwards long before Trump’s election and in case anyone forgets his reality show was very popular as were others that featured the same.

~bella

 

[bèlla]

I totally agree that "politeness" has almost disappeared. But how can one remain polite with the hateful, sometimes evil connotations surrounding conversation and especially on social media. The MSM sows such division.

You don’t have to respond to ignorant comments on the internet or social media. Trading barbs is a choice. Given the frequency of doxing I don’t know why anyone would. We’re not anonymous anymore.

~bella

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

I totally agree that "politeness" has almost disappeared. But how can one remain polite with the hateful, sometimes evil connotations surrounding conversation and especially on social media. The MSM sows such division.

Society was sliding downwards long before Trump’s election and in case anyone forgets his reality show was very popular as were others that featured the same.

~bella

You don’t have to respond to ignorant comments on the internet or social media. Trading barbs is a choice. Given the frequency of doxing I don’t know why anyone would. We’re not anonymous anymore.

~bella

I am not sure how we got here or how long we have been here. Maybe shows like Jerry Springer and other tabloid talk shows like Maury Povich helped also. We need to learn how easily influenced we are. We see a behavior and we make a choice to either behave likewise or not. It is a slippery slope. But a seed is planted in us. It is now added to the repertoire of our possible responses.

But just as each of us is so easily influenced, let us also remember that WE influence other people. Let us be salt.

"Set a guard over my lips, O lord. A sentry at the door of my mouth." Psalm 141:3

Pick someone you admire, whose behaviors and responses you would like to emulate. Keep them in mind.

 

[bèlla]

I am not sure how we got here or how long we have been here. Maybe shows like Jerry Springer and other tabloid talk shows like Maury Povich helped also. We need to learn how easily influenced we are. We see a behavior and we make a choice to either behave likewise or not. It is a slippery slope. But a seed is planted in us. It is now added to the repertoire of our possible responses.

The first inklings I recall were shown on cable television. You saw things through that platform that weren’t acceptable otherwise. Radio had more censorship and offensive words were bleeped and Howard Stern was controversial. Many would find him tame today. Talk shows were cesspools as you noted and sensationalism was popularized. Reality television was a precursor to social media and the first one aired on MTV called The Real World. That’s how the notion of fame crept into our consciousness. It was not a possibility for most until the participants were thrust in the public eye and rewards followed.

Pick someone you admire, whose behaviors and responses you would like to emulate. Keep them in mind.

I think that‘s part of the problem and how we came to venerate celebrities and public figures. We have to look to the Lord as our example and draw strength from those in scripture who followed Him. We have many examples but we keep looking elsewhere when He’s given us a template to draw from. You can find numerous books on the subject that introduce popular and lesser known people in the bible. They’re included for a reason and have lessons to share. We depriving ourselves of their wisdom.

~bella

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Our Lord insulted his enemies all thr time. Harsh rhetoric towards one's enemies has always been a standard rhetorical device in the history of the Church. Read St Basil the Great against Eunomius. Read St John Chrysostom.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

The first inklings I recall were shown on cable television. You saw things through that platform that weren’t acceptable otherwise. Radio had more censorship and offensive words were bleeped and Howard Stern was controversial. Many would find him tame today. Talk shows were cesspools as you noted and sensationalism was popularized. Reality television was a precursor to social media and the first one aired on MTV called The Real World. That’s how the notion of fame crept into our consciousness. It was not a possibility for most until the participants were thrust in the public eye and rewards followed.



I think that‘s part of the problem and how we came to venerate celebrities and public figures. We have to look to the Lord as our example and draw strength from those in scripture who followed Him. We have many examples but we keep looking elsewhere when He’s given us a template to draw from. You can find numerous books on the subject that introduce popular and lesser known people in the bible. They’re included for a reason and have lessons to share. We depriving ourselves of their wisdom.

~bella

I haven't seem many WWJD bracelets lately. They used to be quite popular, reminding people of whom they should imitate. But before we can answer that question, 'What Would Jesus Do?" We have to know him, read about him in the Gospels, dialogue with him, sit with him, dwell with him. That takes time and commitment. And I think it also gives us his peace so that we don't have such reflexive responses that we might regret.

One of the reasons I participate on this forum is that it is a place to practice peace, I fail many times but there is always opportunity to start over and try again. Sometimes moderators help to remind me,

 

[bèlla]

I haven't seem many WWJD bracelets lately. They used to be quite popular, reminding people of whom they should imitate. But before we can answer that question, 'What Would Jesus Do?" We have to know him, read about him in the Gospels, dialogue with him, sit with him, dwell with him. That takes time and commitment. And I think it also gives us his peace so that we don't have such reflexive responses that we might regret.

Whatever commands our attention will manifest in our lives to some degree. The more time we devote to those things the greater influence it has. Whether it’s good or bad. Much of this can be attributed to a lack of time with God and personal boundaries. You can’t wallow in mud and expect to be unscathed. You have to set parameters within yourself and your environment to stay the course. Narrow is the way after all which means what it implies. We can’t embrace everything and our denial must be sure.

As we mature in faith there should be a practice of lessening in some areas complimented by waters we wade into for the sake of the kingdom. No one wants to acknowledge their susceptibilities and that’s a contributing factor for our current state. If you’re hot tempered social media is more likely to push your buttons than not. A venue like this would allow interactions and hold things in check as you noted.

One of the things I’ve noticed as I hear comments on this medium is the lack of empathy. Hearts have grown cold and responses are becoming more tribalistic than not. There’s a noticeable parallel with our divergence from truth. We have difficult admitting right and wrong and make allowances that would shock our elders. When truth departs courtesy follows suit as does empathy. We’re left with a store of emotions that rear their head without warning and find ourselves triggered.

As with most things God is the solution and I’m glad you’re being proactive in that regard. It’s mark of maturity and holiness.

~bella