the bible is full of jokes

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Where in the Bible is baseball mentioned?
In the book of Genesis: it starts “In the Big Inning…”

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
“Your mother ate us out of house & home.”

During what season did Eve eat the forbidden fruit?
Early in the Fall.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What did God say when Noah told him he wanted to build the ark out of bricks?
"No, Noah. Go for wood." [gopherwood]

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Who threw the first curve ball?
Noah, when he “pitched the arc inside and out.”

What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
Flood lights.

What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark?
"Now I herd everything."

Who was the first canning factory run by?
Noah - he had a boatful of preserved pairs.

Who introduced salted meat to the Navy?
Noah - he took Ham on the ark.

Why couldn't anyone on the ark play cards?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.

Why was Noah like a hungry cat?
He went 150 days without finding Ararat

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

What US state is mentioned in the bible?
Answer: Arkansas. "Noah looked out of the ark and saw..."

Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
No, he came fourth out of the ark.

When the ark came to rest on Mt. Ararat the occupants were more than ready to leave.Noah made one last sweep and found a despondent snake in the hold.
"Why are you sad, and why haven't you left?" asked Noah.
"Because I'm so inadequate," replied the snake.
"Inadequate?" queried Noah.
"Yes" continued the snake, "The Lord commanded that we go forth and
MULTIPLY and I'm an ADDER."

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Who in the Bible had the worst childhood?
Abraham. He was the son of Terah (Terror).

How do we know Abraham was smart?
He knew a Lot.

Did you know that the first mention of a cigarette in the Bible was in Genesis?
When Rachel saw Isaac from a far, she lit off her Camel.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little
prophet.

Where in the Bible is tennis mentioned?
Again, in Genesis: Moses served in Pharaoh’s courts.

What was the first medical prescription described in the Bible?
When God told Moses to take two tablets and call him in the morning.

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Where is the first laxative mentioned?
In Genesis: Moses took the tablets and went into the wilderness, and it came
to pass!

Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Who in the bible had no parents?
Joshua. He was the son of Nun(none).

What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruth-less.

Who was the funniest person in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Who slept five in a bed?
David - he slept with his forefathers.

What Bible character may have only been a foot tall?
Nicodemus - he was a ruler.

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Who was the shortest man in the Bible?
Some folks think it was Knee-High Miah (Nehemiah), but actually, it was Bildad
the shoe-height (Shuhite).

Who were the two shortest men in the bible?
Bildad, the Shuhite, and the soldier who slept on his watch.

Why did poor Job land in bed with a cold?
He had poor comforters.

Who was the first dog mentioned in the Bible?
Moreover: “Moreover, the Dog came and licked his sores.”

 

[JustUsInChristSettlesAll]

Who was the most ambitious man in the Bible?
Jonah - even a whale couldn't keep him down.

What was the name of Isaiah's horse?
Isme - He said "Whoa, is me!"

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Well, Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. And of
course, David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. But we should also
mention Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. And lastly, 2
Corinthians 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We
are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

What are the 2 smallest insects in the Bible?
The widow's mite (Mark 12:42) and the wicked flea (Proverbs 28:1).

 

[Valujira]

Baseball is not in the Bible my dear, why you want to find a baseball in the bible?
No, this is not god game, they dont' play baseball....

 

[parsley]

Adders, oh my.

 

[Jerome jnr]

Ha! I like d part of the accord.

 

[bill5]

Baseball is not in the Bible my dear, why you want to find a baseball in the bible?
No, this is not god game, they dont' play baseball....

That's true. It's football, which is the only sport that Saints play.