The after-effect

[Upthewrongtree]

I am also curious if it's common that someone with AS (I have just discovered this is probably my life-long problem) -- if it's common that you may be fine during a social situation, only to realize AFTER that you were a complete dunce.

I often describe my social issues as like being a person who cannot take test. Some people completely forget stuff when the stress of test time comes. I often forget many things (even personal details!) when talking to people. Totally forget... then later it's like I snap out of it and wonder what the heck I was thinking.

Then sometimes I AM thinking what I want to say, but there is something preventing the words from coming out of my mouth, and so I end up staring at the person when they are expecting some sort of response to me.

It might be offensive to some, but I just think of myself as a social 'tard.

 

[beakybird]

Yeah I feel like that at times as well. I often get this sense of embarrassment over something I said or didn't say in the moment on things that happened years ago. It'll pop in my head and it'll make me cringe just thinking about it.

Also happens to me on just about every job interview I've ever been on.

Luckily I happen to be someone that is comfortable talking socially to a point. At least I'm good at having thousands of pre-written scripts in my head that I just refer to and was trained at a sales job I had how to talk to people and sound like you care when you don't. It was horribly dishonest but left me with some lasting skills. (This was years before I ever even heard of aspergers, I only discovered this within the last few months)

My wife is quite similar, and we've come to find out she's probably at the least borderline. She gets theat same (excuse my description) dopey tongue-tiedness but is awesomely smart. Guess it comes with the territory.

 

[Upthewrongtree]

Oh, those moments that still make us cringe. Why is that?! I want them to just go away forever. And job interviews--- don't even get me started!

I used to have a boyfriend who was masterful at just making people think he was interested in what they were saying. It was an amazing thing to behold and I was always a bit jealous.

 

[beakybird]

Yeah acting like I care gives me mixed feelings. Part of me feels dishonest about it, like I'm lying. But on the other hand I believe I would probably care if I were able. If the best I can do is fake it then maybe someday it will become real.

I always find it helpful to speak slowly. Not like idiot slowly, but methodically. There's nothing wrong with taking a few seconds to formulate your thoughts before responding. There's also nothing wrong with admitting you're not sure what to say.

I also think that we tend to over-analyze ourselves, at least I do when Im doing the Monday morning quarterback thing. The desire to come up with the exact "right" thing to say. There's almost always a better response than the one anyone gives, so it's a futile effort I believe.

Speaking in general is not something most people, "normal" or not, are good at. Most people just don't care to analyze it. Or maybe they can't or don't see the need to. Bottom line is, I doubt you sound as "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]" (excuse the term for anyone it offends) as you think you do. Lack of confidence and caring too much what people think of you are common obstacles that will only make it harder to communicate. AT least I know it's been with my wife who has the same issues...

 

[beakybird]

oh I guess r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d is a curse on here. Just didn't want anyone thinking I was dropping f bombs or something.