- Sep 7, 2018
- 1
- 3
- 25
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
Hi I just started college as a freshman. I am doing this as a way to stay in my faith.
It's been kinda rough but writing stuff out helps.
If you have any comments or tips or helpful advice I am more than glad to hear it.
It would take me awhile to document everything that's happened to get me to exactly where I am right now. All I can say is I don’t want to be here. I know where I want to be. That’s home. In florida. With my mom, my sister, my friends, my church. I don’t want to be here, but I still am. I’m here because God led me here. As much as it hurts to be away from the one thing I want the most I hear him calling me here. I have a purpose here. I can tell God needs to use me where I am. Especially since I am hurting so much. The more I hurt the closer I can get to God. I am using my pain for his kingdom, and I am glad that I am chosen to work here. There are many things calling me back to my home. My family, my church, and the one I want most. Before I left I never really thought of her that much. Just as a friend. It kills me that as soon as I leave I gain these overwhelming feelings for her. But I believe God put that on my heart. This longing for her. He chose to put it on my heart after I left for his own reason. I admit I do not know why, but who am I to question his ways. I guess eventually I will find out. This campus is in desperate need of revival. Just in my room alone the presence of sin is heavy. We have been here for 2 weeks, and my roommate parties every day of the weekend. He comes home, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He once even brought a girl into our room and told me that he’s “gonna hook up with her and you can leave if you want”. Deciding that since it’s m y room I stayed, and put headphones on. About 15 minutes later he gets up and goes to the bathroom and starts puking. 5 minutes later the girl gets up and leaves quietly. Now I can’t go judging. I have huge planks in my eyes. At least I get some alone time. But in that alone time I am always thinking of her. I need to shift my focus on the one who matters more than her. I know that once I do that I can finally start to feel relief. And who knows maybe she’s the one for me. But God has told me not to worry about her now. I hear him tell me every night. He tells me that there will be a time for me to confront her. But I can hear him say now is not the time. I need to focus on him. Maybe that's why he brought me here. So I could get away from everything that felt comfortable, and start focusing on him more. To much has been flooding my heart. I haven't been giving it all to God. He’s bringing me out of my comfort zone, so I can fully understand what it means to be a christian. Blind faith. So even as I am writing this I know now that everything is going to be ok. I can already start to feel that relief. I have blind faith that I will be able to confront her, and tell her everything. I have blind faith that I will be able to make a change. I have blind faith that everything will be alright. Living for God is dying for the flesh. I have a choice now. I can live for God, or I can live for flesh. My thoughts have been on her. My thoughts must shift to God. I cannot torment myself every night when I want to be with her. I must torment myself every night wanting to be with God. We should all feel happy and gracious when we are worthy of suffering for him. If your life is going great maybe you should take a step back and ask yourself. Am I fully living for God? The closer you get to God the more Satan will try to stop you. The closer you are to God the harder it will get. But just remember that the Lord is always watching over you, and if you trust him and have faith he will never let anything harm you.
It's been kinda rough but writing stuff out helps.
If you have any comments or tips or helpful advice I am more than glad to hear it.
It would take me awhile to document everything that's happened to get me to exactly where I am right now. All I can say is I don’t want to be here. I know where I want to be. That’s home. In florida. With my mom, my sister, my friends, my church. I don’t want to be here, but I still am. I’m here because God led me here. As much as it hurts to be away from the one thing I want the most I hear him calling me here. I have a purpose here. I can tell God needs to use me where I am. Especially since I am hurting so much. The more I hurt the closer I can get to God. I am using my pain for his kingdom, and I am glad that I am chosen to work here. There are many things calling me back to my home. My family, my church, and the one I want most. Before I left I never really thought of her that much. Just as a friend. It kills me that as soon as I leave I gain these overwhelming feelings for her. But I believe God put that on my heart. This longing for her. He chose to put it on my heart after I left for his own reason. I admit I do not know why, but who am I to question his ways. I guess eventually I will find out. This campus is in desperate need of revival. Just in my room alone the presence of sin is heavy. We have been here for 2 weeks, and my roommate parties every day of the weekend. He comes home, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He once even brought a girl into our room and told me that he’s “gonna hook up with her and you can leave if you want”. Deciding that since it’s m y room I stayed, and put headphones on. About 15 minutes later he gets up and goes to the bathroom and starts puking. 5 minutes later the girl gets up and leaves quietly. Now I can’t go judging. I have huge planks in my eyes. At least I get some alone time. But in that alone time I am always thinking of her. I need to shift my focus on the one who matters more than her. I know that once I do that I can finally start to feel relief. And who knows maybe she’s the one for me. But God has told me not to worry about her now. I hear him tell me every night. He tells me that there will be a time for me to confront her. But I can hear him say now is not the time. I need to focus on him. Maybe that's why he brought me here. So I could get away from everything that felt comfortable, and start focusing on him more. To much has been flooding my heart. I haven't been giving it all to God. He’s bringing me out of my comfort zone, so I can fully understand what it means to be a christian. Blind faith. So even as I am writing this I know now that everything is going to be ok. I can already start to feel that relief. I have blind faith that I will be able to confront her, and tell her everything. I have blind faith that I will be able to make a change. I have blind faith that everything will be alright. Living for God is dying for the flesh. I have a choice now. I can live for God, or I can live for flesh. My thoughts have been on her. My thoughts must shift to God. I cannot torment myself every night when I want to be with her. I must torment myself every night wanting to be with God. We should all feel happy and gracious when we are worthy of suffering for him. If your life is going great maybe you should take a step back and ask yourself. Am I fully living for God? The closer you get to God the more Satan will try to stop you. The closer you are to God the harder it will get. But just remember that the Lord is always watching over you, and if you trust him and have faith he will never let anything harm you.
