Test of Faith

[UncleDave]

On March 18, the day after St. Patrick's Day, I lost my beloved wife of almost 7 years. She passed away from complications after surgery for a brain aneurysm. It was so sudden, so unexpected... During Her time in the hospital, many prayers were offered by so many people, and at one point early on we were assured she would pull through and recover. But a day later it all came crashing down. I still can't believe she's gone from this world.

I know I need to remain strong for our almost 5-year-old son, but I find my faith at times is really being tested. I've been so angry at God for taking her away from us, and I know it's wrong and I have no right to question His wisdom, but this hurts so much! To have a loving, devoted mother taken from her young child is so wrong. There must be a greater wisdom at work, but right now I fail to see what it is. I cry for my son more than for myself; he loves her so much, she was everything to him in this world.

She had a hard time in this life; she had learning disabilities and struggled with it every day of her life. Yet in spite of that, she was able to succeed in everything she did. She was a far greater person than I could ever hope to be. How blessed I am to have known her, to be her friend, to have been her husband. She was the real deal, honest and faithful, and she never left anyone wondering where they stood with her. She touched so many lives and is sorely missed.

Forgive me, I'm not sure where I am going with all this, so I apologize for rambling. I guess I really need a shoulder to cry on. I found a local organization called Mary's Place, a resource for grieving children and families, that my son and I will be checking out very soon. I know we're not alone in this but it is so hard to grasp the reality of what has happened. I feel like I've been so busy with things that I don't have time to properly grieve, that I should be crying more or mourning each moment, and that it's unfair to her that I'm not spending every moment in remembrance. Maybe that sounds silly, but it's how I feel right now.

I know we'll be fine, that our Lord will always be with us to help us along, although I really don't know how right now. I thank you all for listening.

~UncleDave

 

[Missinyou]

UncleDave,
So sorry to hear about your wife... Please rest assured that someone on here has gone through the same thing you are going through and they are living proof that you and your children will survive this tragedy. The way is not going to be easy but with God's help you will gain strength and the days will get easier somewhere down the road. Just take one day at a time.

Be prepared for emotions to get out of control in some of the craziest places and at the most inopportune times... I found myself start crying just walking down the sidewalk to the postoffice the other day... I must have seen something that tripped that old trigger and away we went.

I'm sure your wife knows that you think of her at least sometime every day and she understands when you become occupied with something else... We would become basket cases if we would dwell on our loss constantly...and our loved ones know that. I was encouraged to go back to work sooner than I wanted to...but it helped... It got my mind on to life again.

Some say it's okay to be angry with God, but just keep in mind that He knows and understands things that we will never know and understand. I don't believe for a moment that God does anything without a reason. I had to keep telling myself that wanting my wife to still be here was only selfishness on my part and that where she is now, is so much better than the place she left behind and someday, if I put God foremost in my life, perhaps I will get to see her again. We will never be husband and wife again, Jesus told us that, but I know she will be someone I will care very much for. If there are best friends in Heaven, she will fill that spot.

I now have rambled on long enough. Just keep the faith and remember, God really does know what's best for us and our loved ones and he will not let us down...no matter how much we feel he has.

Missinyou

 

[JeanR]

Dearest UncleDave

My prayers are with you. This is a very difficult time for you and your son, there is no denying that. It is the worst pain that you can feel and it will take time to heal. My husband has been gone for 6 months and each day is a challenge.

When Terry first past, I was very angry. I was never angry at God, but at Terry. My anger has passed, but my hunger for him has not. I don't know if it ever will.

I, also, felt it was a time of challenge in my walk with the Lord. This passage helped me get through the early days. The Lord was faithful to me and brought me through those dark days.

1 Peter 1:3-9 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Stay with this forum, it brought me through some very dark days. Also, it is good that you are seeking counsel. I have been going for grief counseling every other week since Terry died and it was very helpful.

You are in my prayers,
Jean

 

[UncleDave]

This is so very difficult. The little guy was sick this past weekend, and we all know that nobody can make a 4-year-old feel better the way Mommy can. He has been missing her badly. It's hard to be a good Dad and fill Mommy's shoes at the same time, but I pray daily for the grace and strength to be able to do just that. Donna was a much stronger, more patient, more resilient person than I could ever hope to be.

We have been so blessed to have had friends, coworkers, neighbors reach out to us. We met a wonderful Christian family two houses down, and I had a wonderful chat with the father yesterday. We just moved 2 months ago, Donna is from the area and many people around here knew her and remember her. It's like she had come 'back home' before she died.

I am going to a group for young widows & widowers tonight. I am very nervous.

 

[Missinyou]

Remember....chin up and keep in mind, God will be setting close to you to give you strength. I sometimes wished I had the oportunity to attend a group but we have no such thing in this area... Not enough widows and widowers I guess. My group of support has been this site... I have gained so much strength from the people on here... We are here for you....and understand.
Missinyou

 

[JeanR]

Dave,
It is good you are going. I began counseling immediately after Terry died. I did not go to a group, but individually. Terry and I were friends with a counselor, so it was easy to go to someone who knew my husband.

They will be times you just don't understand why you are feeling the way you are and the counselor will be able to guide you through this. I was terribly angry at Terry when he died and David helped me through the anger. He said that the grieving that heals can't occur until the anger is worked through. I spent many an afternoon at the cemetery letting Terry know just how I felt. I yelled at him more in death than I ever did in life.

With the Lord's help and with family and friends surrounding you, you will make it through.

Jean

 

[UncleDave]

That's the thing... I'm not angry at her at all. If anything, I'm angry at God for taking her away from us, for taking her away from her beloved child. I'm angry at Him for not listening to the earnest prayers of so many believing people. I'm angry because I don't understand why He would allow this to happen.

She had been through so much in her short life, and always tried her hardest to be the best she could be. How could I be angry with her? I don't blame her for leaving us, I don't think she just gave up. She never gave up. She fought and persisted and prevailed against adversity her entire life. God was her strength through it all.

Would any of us, given just a glimpse of heaven and the joy within, refuse an invitation from our Lord? She was presented with the opportunity to join her own mother, her sister, her dear childhood friend, and her Saviour, and to be healed of all ills and be washed clean. She's beautiful and perfect now. No, I do not blame her at all. But we who remain have been left empty, with no wife, no mother, and no explanation.

I know I have no right to question His wisdom, but I can't help feeling a bit peeved at Him right now.

 

[JeanR]

It's ok to be angry if you are working through it. God can take it! I know most people are angry with God; I don't know why I wasn't. But, I was angry and it was with my husband. Maybe I was a little afraid to be angry with God and it was easier to be angry at Terry. Guess I'm a whimp.

The anger will come in waves. You will think you have worked through it and then it hits you again. It's been 6 months for me and I'm not angry anymore, but I sure do cry at the drop of a hat. And, it hits at the most unexpected times.

The way I have been feeling lately is that I just want to tell him that I love him. I know he always knew that, but I wish I could just say it to him one more time. Also, I know I should cancel his cell phone, but I like calling and listening to his voicemail message. At some point I have to get up the courage to just cancel it.

Everyday is a challenge.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Uncle Dave- My friend I know where you are in this. I lost my wife and had 4 children to take care of. Two young ones who worshiped their mother. I know it may be of little comfort right now, but listen to me. You will have many valleys and a few mountain tops. Your emotions will change as fast as a shooting star across the night sky, but remember it's normal. You will grieve at your own pace, as your ready. It's a long process, but it's a process that your soul has to go through. Our Lord and our Savior is with you. Lean on Him and take each day one day and one hour at a time. The healing process is different for everyone, but one thing is common, it doesn't happen over night. For some it takes longer than others, but know that you are healing everyday. Comfort your young son, work to remind him how much his mother loved him and will always love him. I'm praying for you friend. Press On!

 

[chapel247]

On March 18, the day after St. Patrick's Day, I lost my beloved wife of almost 7 years. She passed away from complications after surgery for a brain aneurysm. It was so sudden, so unexpected... During Her time in the hospital, many prayers were offered by so many people, and at one point early on we were assured she would pull through and recover. But a day later it all came crashing down. I still can't believe she's gone from this world.

I know I need to remain strong for our almost 5-year-old son, but I find my faith at times is really being tested. I've been so angry at God for taking her away from us, and I know it's wrong and I have no right to question His wisdom, but this hurts so much! To have a loving, devoted mother taken from her young child is so wrong. There must be a greater wisdom at work, but right now I fail to see what it is. I cry for my son more than for myself; he loves her so much, she was everything to him in this world.

She had a hard time in this life; she had learning disabilities and struggled with it every day of her life. Yet in spite of that, she was able to succeed in everything she did. She was a far greater person than I could ever hope to be. How blessed I am to have known her, to be her friend, to have been her husband. She was the real deal, honest and faithful, and she never left anyone wondering where they stood with her. She touched so many lives and is sorely missed.

Forgive me, I'm not sure where I am going with all this, so I apologize for rambling. I guess I really need a shoulder to cry on. I found a local organization called Mary's Place, a resource for grieving children and families, that my son and I will be checking out very soon. I know we're not alone in this but it is so hard to grasp the reality of what has happened. I feel like I've been so busy with things that I don't have time to properly grieve, that I should be crying more or mourning each moment, and that it's unfair to her that I'm not spending every moment in remembrance. Maybe that sounds silly, but it's how I feel right now.

I know we'll be fine, that our Lord will always be with us to help us along, although I really don't know how right now. I thank you all for listening.

~UncleDave

Hi Uncle Dave! The Lord will strengthen you as you approach HIS word in faith. HE said "I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you!", and that means even in this situation. My wife went home to be with the Lord recently (1/1/07). My daughter Bianca, and I are doing great only because we know what GOD'S word says on the matter. "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord!" WOW! What a great place for our loved ones to be till we get there! She's OK brother! She's OK! Make sure your son knows that! Your GOD is faithful!

 

[restore]

Just remeber, someday u will meet her again, if i m sure i will meet the friend who died in heaven, it already makes me a great smile.