Temptation

eatenbylocusts · Mar 18, 2006

I'd really just like to exhort the brothers that are setting and keeping physical boundaries with their SO's. I really respected that with my ex-bf and it gave us time to get to know eachother without a lot of the distraction that comes with the physical touching.

My current bf believes that sex should be kept for marriage, but he has not been chaste the whole time he has been single. The physical touching in our relationship has progressed very quickly and to a level that I pictured only for engagement. He's not pushy, but it's so hard to be the only one trying to set boundaries.

I really think this is getting in the way of getting to really know eachother. I encourage everyone to stick to those boundaries!

beautifully_chaotic · Mar 20, 2006

is your new boyfriend a christian?
if your uncomfortable with how fast things are progressing you REALLY need to talk to him, even if he's not a christian he should respect you, and your morals

eatenbylocusts · Mar 20, 2006

beautifully_chaotic said:
is your new boyfriend a christian?
if your uncomfortable with how fast things are progressing you REALLY need to talk to him, even if he's not a christian he should respect you, and your morals

Yes, he's been a Christian since he was 16 and he is active in his church. Two weeks ago I asked him about his views on sex and he said that it should be saved for marriage and besides being obedient to God he listed a few more reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good thing. Tonight he wanted to have sex. I'm so disappointed. The fact that he is willing to compromise in this area gives me a lot of concern.

alwayz_remember_Calvery · Mar 20, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
Yes, he's been a Christian since he was 16 and he is active in his church. Two weeks ago I asked him about his views on sex and he said that it should be saved for marriage and besides being obedient to God he listed a few more reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good thing. Tonight he wanted to have sex. I'm so disappointed. The fact that he is willing to compromise in this area gives me a lot of concern.

I don't blame you for being concerned. I would take a very careful look at this relationship. If he's willing to compromise his beliefs and values so easily, is he going to make a good spiritual head of the house hold?

Amy47 · Mar 20, 2006

alwayz_remember_Calvery said:
I don't blame you for being concerned. I would take a very careful look at this relationship. If he's willing to compromise his beliefs and values so easily, is he going to make a good spiritual head of the house hold?

I completely agree, One thing that helps my bf and I is hanging out with our parents or anyone for that matter. As long as we're not alone for a long period of time. and if we are we need to be reading the bible together.
It is the HARDEST thing that both of us has had to go through. We have and still occasionally fall into temptation but we are only human and are working harder then ever to remain pure.
I think you really need to sit down with your bf and let him know that you think you should slow things down. One thing I've noticed is that if the girl doesn't put her foot down alot of the times things go too far. Not to blame the guys but they generally struggle more with the physical aspect of a relationship.
Let us know how things are going.

God Bless

Jonesie · Mar 20, 2006

Purity in a relationship is the hardest thing that I have encountered in my Christian walk. So ladies, let me give you a male perspective. The fact that he was wanting to have sex IS distirubing. However, he needs a strong spiritual partner to carry their side of the yoke. Iron must sharpen iron. Sexual temptation is like a ladder. Steps have been taken little by little that you have allowed him to progress further along that ladder. It IS his fault for taking those steps, but he must have help as well. We struggle hourly with physical temptation. It's the hand that we were dealt. I suggest that you talk to him immidiately. If he truly cares about being the spiritual leader in y'alls relationship then he will change. You must be his accountability, and should probably have others that will help keep you accountable.

phoebe_20 · Mar 21, 2006

Be reminded though that we have an enemy, Satan. The more we say no to sex, the stronger the temptation become. I advice you to talk to your boyfriend about it. Take to him straight, tell him that what he is acting is contrary to what he is saying. Be on your guard, let him not do the leading. If he insists, I think you should start reconsidering your relationship with him. Don't let him let you fall, you maybe strong now, but sooner or later you'll find yourself weak and just about to give in. Trust me, it happened to me.

beautifully_chaotic · Mar 21, 2006

just reall think about things.... the way i personally look at it is:

1.Can i even see myself in a relationship with this person and say 2 years,

2. is this person all that i prayed for?, or someone you have just settled for?

3.is he worth giving my virginity to?

4. could he deliberatly playing up the sexual side of our relationship to see how far i will go?

thats just the way i work things out but yeah

Johnnz · Mar 21, 2006

His Christian beliefs seem to lack real conviction when he has to exercise self control. Will he be like that in other areas too - not prepared to make a real effort?

John
NZ

WnW · Mar 21, 2006

For us sex has been the easiest part of our relationship. We simply said at the start that any failure there and our relationship would be over. We have set boundries. We are interested a lasting love with Christ at the center. As the man and leader, at any hint of temptation creaping into our time together, I pull away and tell her it's because I love her and us more than the moment. We also pray for God's blessing on our time.
For us finding lots of time for each other amid careers and full lives has been harder.

eatenbylocusts · Mar 22, 2006

Johnnz said:
His Christian beliefs seem to lack real conviction when he has to exercise self control. Will he be like that in other areas too - not prepared to make a real effort?

John
NZ

I don't know and this bothers me. I brought this up again in conversation trying to explain how important this is. Yes, he believes sex should be kept for marriage, but he had sex with his last girlfriend six months ago. It certainly doesn't make me feel special. I'm worried that he doesn't have any experience exercising self control.

I brought up how the man was supposed to be the spiritual head and he just said that we were both willing participants in everything that has happened. I admitted that was true, but I don't see him trying to hold back at all. From our early conversations I thought I was starting a relationship with someone who's goal was to keep sex for the honeymoon.

eyeliv4God · Mar 22, 2006

Amen to this thread! Reps for the OP!

eyeliv4God · Mar 22, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
Yes, he's been a Christian since he was 16 and he is active in his church. Two weeks ago I asked him about his views on sex and he said that it should be saved for marriage and besides being obedient to God he listed a few more reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good thing. Tonight he wanted to have sex. I'm so disappointed. The fact that he is willing to compromise in this area gives me a lot of concern.

Did you remind him about what he told you concerning his views on sex and marriage?

eyeliv4God · Mar 22, 2006

Johnnz said:
His Christian beliefs seem to lack real conviction when he has to exercise self control.

I'm assuming (or at least hoping) that you worded this wrong... as soldiers of Christ, we must exercise self-control! Temptation creeps up on us daily and we must always beware of the angel of the night!

eatenbylocusts · Mar 22, 2006

eyeliv4God said:
Did you remind him about what he told you concerning his views on sex and marriage?

I sure did. He made a comment that he doesn't always do what he's supposed to do. I would give him more credit if I felt that he was having such a hard time in this area because of the strong feelings he has for me, but he was just having sex with someone else 6 months ago.

We had planned on him meeting my kids this coming Sunday when we go to a Christian music event and I'm having little twinges of doubts. On the other hand it may give me new insight.

When he discusses the Bible with me it tugs on my heart strings. I just want to make sure that his past doesn't indicate that he would have trouble being faithful to me in marriage. I could handle being the boundary keeper in the relationship if I had to.

eyeliv4God · Mar 22, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
When he discusses the Bible with me it tugs on my heart strings. I just want to make sure that his past doesn't indicate that he would have trouble being faithful to me in marriage. I could handle being the boundary keeper in the relationship if I had to.

I will be praying for the two of you; it's so important to keep a relationship Christ-centered. As long as this is so, you can beat anything that comes your way! Christ will prevail!

Also, if you're thinking about marriage... if the two of you are seriously considering marriage... it's important to get some pre-marital counseling! A lot of pastors offer it for free.

eatenbylocusts · Mar 22, 2006

eyeliv4God said:
I will be praying for the two of you; it's so important to keep a relationship Christ-centered. As long as this is so, you can beat anything that comes your way! Christ will prevail!

Also, if you're thinking about marriage... if the two of you are seriously considering marriage... it's important to get some pre-marital counseling! A lot of pastors offer it for free.

Thank you for your prayers. It's too early for pre marital counseling, but if/when we get to that point I will insist on counseling and classes.

YouthPastor · Mar 22, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
Yes, he's been a Christian since he was 16 and he is active in his church. Two weeks ago I asked him about his views on sex and he said that it should be saved for marriage and besides being obedient to God he listed a few more reasons why sex outside of marriage was not a good thing. Tonight he wanted to have sex. I'm so disappointed. The fact that he is willing to compromise in this area gives me a lot of concern.

Have you confronted with about this hypocricy?

He says sex is for marriage - yet he wants to have sex?? is he just offering lip service?

Romanseight2005 · Mar 22, 2006

There is another spirit at work here. Right now there is an element of forbidden fruit. I would suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about that. It is possible that it is that aspect that is so appealing. Once you are married he may still crave forbidden fruit. Then you won't be able to satisfy him. I'm not trying to scare you, but I do think you should talk to him about this aspect specifically. Also, you should try not to be alone together. When you need to talk privately, go to a restaraunt. You can have privacy with accountability.

YouthPastor · Mar 22, 2006

eatenbylocusts said:
I sure did. He made a comment that he doesn't always do what he's supposed to do. I would give him more credit if I felt that he was having such a hard time in this area because of the strong feelings he has for me, but he was just having sex with someone else 6 months ago.

"he does'nt always do what he is supposed to do"? he is trying to justify his desire to blatenly disobey God AND go against your wishes.

I am sorry - but this raises SOME VERY big red flags.

I would tell him sonething like.... your hands wander. it is over. You try sex - it is over. you try frenching - it is over.

it has been less than 6 months and he wants to get in your pants.

that gives me an idea - give him a pair of your pants and tell him he can get into those - because those are the only pair of pants he is going to get into until you are married.

maybe this is how it happend with his ex.... she did not want sex - but he eventially wore her down and figures the same will happen with you. which means he really is not concerned with what you want - but rather what he wants

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