Temptation ect

[Christian-rocker-gal]

My fiance and I are both Christians and have recently become engaged. We've always managed to refrain from becoming TOO physically involved (although I know peoples perception of 'too physically involved' varies, but for us anyway) But now it seems that we're finding it extremely hard to withstand temptation. We keep on telling ourselves and each other that we want to please God and we're really intent on remaining virgins until we are married.
Unfortunately since we've become engaged we've been finding it so much harder to just cuddle and kiss without wanting to go further and we've already done more than we want to. It's as if we keep making promises and breaking them. I can only try to imagine how much we're hurting God.
We really would love to get married immediately (referring to what Paul said) but due to the current circumstances that's impossible for another couple of years at least unless a miracle happens.
We didn't get engaged because we wanted to 'get closer', we didn't expect this to happen or want it to happen, it just seems so uncontrollable at times. So.. does anyone have any good advice for us? I know the key is to keep close to God, but is there any way to really withstand the temptation effectively?
Also I wonder how bad what we've done really is. Where does a Christian stand when it comes to things such as 'dry sex'? Is it as bad as actually having intercourse?
Any advice or people who've been in similar situations help is VERY much appreciated!!

Thank you all.

Love in Christ,

Hannah

 

[Lbiagm]

just wait till marriage.

 

[Desert Fox]

I can only try to imagine how much we're hurting God.

Breast caressing makes Jesus cry.

 

[kiora]

huh ?

 

[HonorTruth]

Hannah:

When facing this kind of temptation, two immediate issues arise. First, once a man and a woman reach this point of sexual tension, arousal, and attraction, you really can't morally afford to cuddle, etc. The temptation to go further will be incredible--and not surprising at all. The man will be highly aroused, and the woman may well be the same. This is a recipe for moral failure. To put the truth simply, you will have to change your dating pattern and resist the temptation to be alone and "cuddle" in the first place.

God's expectation is virginity until marriage--period. That is about as counter-cultural as any biblical truth can be, but God has a perfect design for our sexuality, and that's it. Premarital sex weakens the entire structure of marriage and leads to great emotional and sexual risk. Furthermore, it's plainly just sin, and God takes sin very seriously.

Secondly, you mention that you must wait for something like two years to be married [you even cite Paul in 1 Cor. 7]. You just might have to change this circumstance and work for the "miracle" you describe. When a Christian couple reach the point of commitment and sexual passion you decribe, the biblical command is to marry--period. You can propably create circumstances to do this, if you work at it and count the cost. You did not mention your ages. This could play a role, of course.

Finally, not to heap guilt on you, but to be morally honest, "dry sex" is just another form of forbidden sexual activity between an unmarried couple. It is really a form of mutual masturbation, just with clothes on. It is not the same thing as sexual intercourse, but it is sin all the same. It is also hard to stop with something like that. It also trains the couple to expect sexual arousal and release when together before marriage.

May God grant you courage, strength, and wisdom to overcome this challenge. If God has brought you together, put other life priorities in second place as you go for God's best in marriage-A.S.A.P.!

Faithfully,
HonorTruth

 

[LiberatedChick]

When facing this kind of temptation, two immediate issues arise. First, once a man and a woman reach this point of sexual tension, arousal, and attraction, you really can't morally afford to cuddle, etc. The temptation to go further will be incredible--and not surprising at all. The man will be highly aroused, and the woman may well be the same. This is a recipe for moral failure. To put the truth simply, you will have to change your dating pattern and resist the temptation to be alone and "cuddle" in the first place.

Yes I agree. If kissing and cuddling are going to tempt you further don't do them....or at least not when you're alone together. Maybe also it would be beneficial to spend less time alone...spend time together with others or with others around instead. Go for walks in public places, visit the cinema, go bowling, to museums, art gallerys, see family, see friends etc etc.

 

[plum]

I've had premarital sex and NOT with my current boyfriend. it's just not worth it. even if you two will be married, i think you know in your heart you haven't waited this long for nothing.

and though my body may feel otherwise, sex is not so important that we can't go a few years without it. if that was how God planned it, he wouldn't have asked us to wait until the perfect time (after the sacrament of marriage)... mind you, this is coming from someone who's screwed up many times before. So this is from the other side where it LOOKS like the grass is greener. But no, it's not green at all. The grass is actually perfect on YOUR side. You can do it, sister. You and him as a team. I'm rooting and praying for you.

 

[Johnnz]

The desire to be more intimate is not in itself wrong. It arises from something that God has implanted deep within us when we truly love someone - the "one flesh" thing. So, don't beat up on yourselves because you feel that way.

Other posts have mentioned practical steps to take. Time alone must be limited. Expressing affection (hugging, kissing) is OK provided it is not done during long periods alone.

Romance is a special time, and I find the more extreme views on physical contact a bit worrying in that they can rob a couple of the joy of learning to love.

It is a struggle, not because you are 'sinful' in any way, but just because sex is linked with intimacy with a special person in God's purposes. Th eonly problem with that these days is that marriage is delayed in today's society, largely on economic grounds.

John
NZ

 

[Hoonbaba]

My fiance and I are both Christians and have recently become engaged. We've always managed to refrain from becoming TOO physically involved (although I know peoples perception of 'too physically involved' varies, but for us anyway) But now it seems that we're finding it extremely hard to withstand temptation. We keep on telling ourselves and each other that we want to please God and we're really intent on remaining virgins until we are married.

Just a few thoughts: Try staying away from him for a time to pray. I think any sort of physical contact could be dangerous prior to marriage. Also, I'd recommend reading this:

http://www.pureloveclub.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&cat=How%20to%20Stay%20Pure

It's written from a Catholic perspective, but the message of purity is identical. Much of what I learned from that site really grounded me further in Christ. It's given me a completely new perspective on the holiness of sex.

I will pray for you

God bless!

-Jason

 

[StephanieD]

You may also want to set up some guidelines for when you're together. You know what circumstances lead to temptation. So, I would recommend setting up some guidelines in order to "not go there". Limiting alone time is helpful. Sometimes, people experience more temptation when they're tired. So, spending alone time later in the evening may need to be limited. I live in a household of girls. We have some rules that guys can't be at our apartment past 12:30 am unless another roommate is awake. Also, no guys are allowed in bedrooms. Even though it's tough to end a night earlier than we'd like, my boyfriend and I do our best to stick to those rules. Otherwise, we can go out to a public place to hang out. It all depends on your living situation and what circumstances lead you into temptation.
There have been some instances when I've had to just put the brakes on with my boyfriend. He has told me what is tempting to him, so I do my best to not do things that would cause him to stumble and stop him from doing things as well. He has done the same for me at times. Even though he is more apt to cross the line than I, he has respected the fact that I stop things early on from going too far. It can be hard "in the moment", but you'll feel better later. Sometimes, we just need to use our head more than let our emotions run away with us. The way I see it, what I don't do now will be more enjoyable and precious once I get married. There will be no guilt if I just wait.
Also, if you can, I'd recommend having an accountability partner...a good girlfriend of yours or a mentor....someone who can ask you how things are going and who you can be truthful with. If you do make guidelines, that person can ask you about them and remind you of them when times get tough and tempting.

 

[desi]

Breast caressing makes Jesus cry.

Just kidding. Premarital sex doesn't hurt God so much as it harms the relationship of those involved. It also tends to contribute to STD's and single parenthood. If you love marry, if not don't. If you choose to 'mess around' do so at your peril.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

You and your fiance are struggling with the same temptations everyone does. I agree with what the others have said - if certain activities cause you to become aroused almost to the point of not being able to stop before going too far then abstain from them. While cuddling and kissing can seem innocent, they can spark the fires of passion before its time which ruins relationships. If these affectionate acts spark that fire, stop engaging in them. Don't spend excessive amounts of alone time together, especially in a bed, on a couch, or in a parked car. Focus more on group activities and family functions instead of being alone. Being alone is when you can go too far. Not placing yourselves in positions where you can lie down or sunggle up together and make out will almost completely eliminate the temptation.

Spend alot of time praying and meditating upon God's Word. It has alot to say about sexual immorality. Stay focused and stay strong with the Lord's help. It will be worth it. Don't buy the lie that if you're going to get married anyway it's alright.

 

[sculpturegirl]

I agree with the poster about trying to work out that "miracle" for getting married sooner. Go to the JP if you have to.

I have found that being engaged is actually easier to resist temptation because there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I can see. In fact, we hardly even touch any more. We kiss gently, hold hands and offer foot rubs (I LOVE footrubs), but any more than that is too much for us. I know that it will be worth it and we are building a foundation of love and friendship first.

Don't get me wrong, at first we were very bad. We were so passionate for one another that it was very difficult to refrain from touching! It is a very strong drive and only through the power of the holy spirit are we going to make it until our wedding day October 8th. Pray a lot together!