Teenagers dating?

[JaneFW]

My 15yo just asked a girl out at his school. She said yes and her parents have agreed that they can go to the movies tonight. We will pay for the tickets. This is apparently a "getting to know you" date because they only have one class together at school. IMO, they would be better served going somewhere that they can get to know each other, because a movie doesn't strike me as a place you can have much conversation, but that's too practical for my men, so, okay.

Assuming that they do decide they like each other and continue to date, I can see this getting very expensive! At this age, our eldest boy had a job, but jobs for 15yo's are hard to come by and he has a big focus on school work - which we want him to have. He is taking dual credit at school, and he will be volunteering a lot, and he is even giving up soccer so that he can get good grades (he wants to be a doctor).

So, if any of you have kids this age that decide to date, how do you handle the financial aspect? He does get 30 allowance a month (dollar sign doesn't work, sigh) but that won't last for long with the price of movie tickets. He's not 16 until August, and so he can't drive yet. I want for him to find some things he can do with this girl that will develop them as friends, and that are cheap or free, but I also need to present this to him and my husband so that I don't sound like scrooge! I'm also trying to prevent it from being a physical relationship by not having them spending a lot of time alone - and I imagine that the girl's parents will be glad of that also!

Any thoughts?

 

[mkgal1]

My 15yo just asked a girl out at his school. She said yes and her parents have agreed that they can go to the movies tonight. We will pay for the tickets. This is apparently a "getting to know you" date because they only have one class together at school. IMO, they would be better served going somewhere that they can get to know each other, because a movie doesn't strike me as a place you can have much conversation, but that's too practical for my men, so, okay.

Assuming that they do decide they like each other and continue to date, I can see this getting very expensive! At this age, our eldest boy had a job, but jobs for 15yo's are hard to come by and he has a big focus on school work - which we want him to have. He is taking dual credit at school, and he will be volunteering a lot, and he is even giving up soccer so that he can get good grades (he wants to be a doctor).

So, if any of you have kids this age that decide to date, how do you handle the financial aspect? He does get 30 allowance a month (dollar sign doesn't work, sigh) but that won't last for long with the price of movie tickets. He's not 16 until August, and so he can't drive yet. I want for him to find some things he can do with this girl that will develop them as friends, and that are cheap or free, but I also need to present this to him and my husband so that I don't sound like scrooge! I'm also trying to prevent it from being a physical relationship by not having them spending a lot of time alone - and I imagine that the girl's parents will be glad of that also!

Any thoughts?

Since they are only 15, I would think the girl's parents would be THRILLED with your attitude. Since I only have a daughter.....I only know that "side" of things. Our daughter didn't have a boyfriend until she was almost 18....and then, we wanted them to be within our sight (both sets of parents) as much as possible. Have you met her parents?

 

[homeofmew]

Well it's doing something together and you talk after. It's the spending time together thing, not the "chatty aspect".

Don't make is a problem if it isn't a problem. It was one date. Whoop de do.
maybe discuss your concerns with the other parents, I mean since your the parent of the guy they might be happy to see you might have issues to. Since girls parents are more overprotective.

 

[Zandy]

I agree with you HomeOfMew. I've been through this age already. They found activities with other friends that were low cost and eventually aquired jobs.

 

[hwyangel]

My three sons are now grown men. They were never allowed to date and this is why:

Dating is a prelude to finding a wife. Hopefully! Sex is out of the question under my roof. And no parents of self respecting girl is going to let a bum with no job date their daughter. I don't expect everyone to feel this way and I'm sorry if Im being too blunt.
They were however allowed to go out in mixed groups where they could socialize.

My sons usually earned money by mowing lawns, shoveling snow, helping neighbors move....
I know, I was strict. But I'm happy to report that none of them still depend on me or have children out of wedlock.

 

[JaneFW]

Okay, so a kid is a "bum" if he can't get a job at 15yo? Yes, that's harsh and thankfully the vast majority of people don't write off a boy or girl who doesn't have a job at 15yo. The same kid has taken flyers to every house in the neighborhood to try to find a job mowing lawns or any other jobs (we don't have any snow to shovel.) He's more than eager to do the work, it's just finding people who in this economy, want to pay a kid to do something that they can do themselves, for free.

And dating doesn't necessarily lead to "children out of wedlock". I have an older son who has dated the same girl for three years and - yep - no pregnancies. He is also about to graduate college, and start a career with the state police, so I think I can rely on him not to depend on me either, as he will be leaving home, living independently, and starting his career before he even turns 21. I admire him hugely for taking these brisk steps into manhood.

 

[hwyangel]

I ment no offence. It's just my own opinion that 15 years old is too young to look for a wife. Possibly you have other reasons for allowing your children to date, I don't know. And yes, I believe (concerning my sons) that if they need to be able to support a wife before they look for one. The way of the world is to date first,get married second, then become friends. My opinion is the opposite. Friends first, marriage second, then the rest of your lives dating.

 

[blackribbon]

I think that if they can't afford to date, then they are too young. Isn't that how real life works? If I can't afford something, I can't have it. There should be social activities through school, community, or church that don't cost much and provide for social interaction in a group setting that are more appropriate activities for two 15 year olds.

However, I agree with hwyangel. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse. No 15 year old is ready to find a spouse. Sounds strict, but my 15 year old son understands it and agrees.

Dating as we know it is really more practice for divorce...you date a person until you find someone better...then you quit that one and move on to the next. And often someone is left with a broken heart...and that brokenness is taken into the next relationship. When two people finally do find each other and get married, they bring so much baggage into the marriage (trust issues and fear in particular) that is hard to learn to openly trust and love each other. The shadows of previous betrayals hang all around where innocence and openness should be.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Good morning everyone

Mind if i join in?

I myself i a 15 yr old daughter soon to be 16, so when she was asked out by her BF, we me, DD , Bf, and BF mom had a sit down togegther!
His mom and i had spoke before hand so we were on the same page on what we both thought 15 yr old should be doing at this age!
So when we has our sit down the rules were brought before them and basically it was we felt they were to young for 1x1 dating they could do movies in a group of friends, he could come to my house or her his, 1/2 hr ride, parents need to be home, and great moms are church friends!
So it will be almost a year now! And so far so good they pay their own way most times! She gets he does not work, he is busy getting an education!
But if he has money he pays! But honestly shes independent! Lol

So thats what has worked out for us!

Jane i really dont see why HE has to pay for her at 15!!!

 

[JaneFW]

Jane i really dont see why HE has to pay for her at 15!!!

I didn't either. I don't know that she asked him to pay for her, I think it's more what he wanted to do, or maybe what he thinks he is expected to do.

I don't agree that dating is just "looking for a spouse." So, yes, he will be allowed to date before he is ready to get married.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Clean dating is fun! Kids are suppose to have fun! As long as we send those others along to keep an eye out!!! Ok so i'm a little crazzzy? Maybe? Not?


Yeah i'd tell him comin from a mom of 2 15yr olds soon to be 16
I would not expect you to pay!
As for them and i asked they said
Ummm well not really maybe once in awhile but like ice cream or something would be nice! So there u have it!!
Lol

 

[passionforchrist590]

When I was 15 and did not have a job. My focus was on school. However, my parents did think I was old enough to start learning some "adult" responsibility. So as long as I kept my grades up and helped out around the house they gave me $10 a week, I know that is not much now days, but it was enough for me. I saved it, then once a month I would treat myself.

Depending on your finances, you could maybe give your son an incentive and give him an allowance. If he would like to get to know this girl, they can have cheap and inexpensive outings at the park or do picnics together, go on walks? Then once or twice a month, finances permitting... he could take her "out".

 

[mysinisforgiven]

Male opinion here. lol I have a 4 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl and a 10 month old baby girl. I always paid for my date or dates way or dinner. Yes, I did have a job and went to school. But there was a lot of times my parents would pay. My opinion again, but the boy should always pay for the girls way out of respect. Now, if they are going like 2 or 4 times a week then it maybe a different story. But let the kids have fun! Not alone either but just go out and exprience friendship with the opposite sex. And when my son gets old enough or 15 or whatever age I will pay for his date or dates as long as he's doing good in school and not in trouble. If my girls find a boy that is a young gentleman thats not a trouble maker and does good and school and doesn't have a job and they wanna go out I will pay for it. But for the most part I would expect him to for respect of my daughter. Kids have one life as a teenager. And no I am not saying let them do what they want. By the way, kids at 15 are not intentionally looking for a wife or husand. Sometime God puts us together at certain ages for a reason. But I don't think we really choose our partner in life. God Bless!

 

[iluvatar5150]

However, I agree with hwyangel. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse. No 15 year old is ready to find a spouse.

Part of ultimately finding a spouse is figuring out how to interact with members of the opposite sex, how to be in a relationship, how to evaluate qualities in another person.

You don't go shopping for a sports car if you've never spent any time driving.

Dating as we know it is really more practice for divorce...you date a person until you find someone better...then you quit that one and move on to the next. And often someone is left with a broken heart...and that brokenness is taken into the next relationship. When two people finally do find each other and get married, they bring so much baggage into the marriage (trust issues and fear in particular) that is hard to learn to openly trust and love each other. The shadows of previous betrayals hang all around where innocence and openness should be.

I'm sorry, but that's absurd. Naivete and unrealistic expectations from not having any relationship experience can be just as dangerous.

--------------------

As for the OP's question of how to make money - he could try hitting garage sales and thrift stores, then flipping the stuff on ebay. It'd take some help from you to set up the ebay & paypal accounts, as well as some continuing oversight, since he's not really old enough to be handling financial transactions by himself. He's probably also need a little bit more seed money than what he's getting in allowance, but if he's interested, it'd be a good exercise in budgeting and managing a small business.

-Dan.

 

[Syckological]

I'm also trying to prevent it from being a physical relationship by not having them spending a lot of time alone - and I imagine that the girl's parents will be glad of that also!

I doubt the relationship will last if you're trying to prevent it from being physical in it's entirety . Keep in mind teens also have their own brain and last I checked, making out isn't the biggest deal. If they're both 15, then I can understand on wanting to keep things from being physical, but you also need to note that it isn't your decision entirely once they turn 16+, because most relationships go get physical, but rarely go towards sex. I'm 19 and i've done everything except sex and I can say that it is a big factor when you have a lasting relationship. Sometimes words aren't always enough~

 

[StarBright]

Umm yeah, there's only one reason 15 year old's want to go to the movies, and it's not the popcorn. I would not let my kid go on a date (teens are children, children are too young for one-on-one dating) and would definitely not be taking them to a dark, secluded place where more teens have lost their innocence than we care to admit. Yes, there are teens who go to the movies and hold hands and blush the whole time, but that is a severely diminishing minority, and anyone with their head in reality knows that! This is not our generation anymore, parents. School dances are now kids grinding and groping on each other, even having sex openly (YES, that happened at a local school where I live) AT the dance. It's horrible, but now even school dances are off limits to my kid.

At just 15 years old, I would be advocating supervised group activities (youth events, school events), not "let's be alone in the dark" stuff. No, no, and no. And it has NOTHING to do with how good your kid is. We all love our kids and want to believe they're innocent and good. They're still kids, they're still rampant with hormones and emotions that are totally new and intoxicating to them, and it's OUR job as parents to keep them as safe and smart as possible for the few more years they're with us.

 

[Syckological]

Umm yeah, there's only one reason 15 year old's want to go to the movies, and it's not the popcorn. I would not let my kid go on a date (teens are children, children are too young for one-on-one dating) and would definitely not be taking them to a dark, secluded place where more teens have lost their innocence than we care to admit. Yes, there are teens who go to the movies and hold hands and blush the whole time, but that is a severely diminishing minority, and anyone with their head in reality knows that! This is not our generation anymore, parents. School dances are now kids grinding and groping on each other, even having sex openly (YES, that happened at a local school where I live) AT the dance. It's horrible, but now even school dances are off limits to my kid.

At just 15 years old, I would be advocating supervised group activities (youth events, school events), not "let's be alone in the dark" stuff. No, no, and no. And it has NOTHING to do with how good your kid is. We all love our kids and want to believe they're innocent and good. They're still kids, they're still rampant with hormones and emotions that are totally new and intoxicating to them, and it's OUR job as parents to keep them as safe and smart as possible for the few more years they're with us.

Last I checked it was only going so far as to make out, it's what I do. Not to mention Independence is the major thing with dating, but you know, I guess we can throw away females being able to say "no".

 

[jminnesota]

i dont have kids but i feel if they are dating take turns paying for movies and stuff like that. hopefully things work out between them and they are both wonderful christian teens who take it slow and all

 

[StarBright]

Syckological, there's a big difference between a 15 year old and 19 year old. What you do on your dates (and it's pretty disappointing to hear, honestly) has nothing to do with what a parent of a 15 year old CHILD should be doing. And that whole line about "females" (what the heck is with that stupid term? we're WOMEN or LADIES, we don't go around talking about our "males", I mean come on) is just rank with immaturity. But then again, you ARE just 19.

 

[Syckological]

Syckological, there's a big difference between a 15 year old and 19 year old. What you do on your dates (and it's pretty disappointing to hear, honestly) has nothing to do with what a parent of a 15 year old CHILD should be doing. And that whole line about "females" (what the heck is with that stupid term? we're WOMEN or LADIES, we don't go around talking about our "males", I mean come on) is just rank with immaturity. But then again, you ARE just 19.

That's like saying my age is not a sign of maturity. Because of the way you responded, I have to "toot" my own horn (again). I am easily considered among my peers, professors, and adults alike (work and out) - to be one of the most professional persons out there, partly because of me growing up at an early age. When I was ten years old I was watching Mel Brooks, Reading Dan Brown novels and understanding the world around me. The same can easily go for those who are 14+, it's just an uncommon occurance. It's interesting how you say it is ranked with immaturity, I was using that as a blanket term considering how sex ed works and how females in today's society understand dating/relationships, their bodies, and intimacy, i'm sorry if you're offended xD


Anywho~ you're comparing to apples and oranges concerning age and experiences. When I was 15 I experienced the same things at that child's age and considering when I was 15, it was 2008/2009 - that isn't too far off.

Yes, I do enjoy taking my significant other out to concerts, clubs, and seeing each others families. I enjoy having alone time and it's an integral part of how we and millions of other couples view their relationships, having intimacy is a great thing, but in moderation. The point being, in case I didn't type it out in English well enough - is 15 year olds are in a different society, they're going to experiment regardless. Should it be completely within reason? Of course. The two have their own views and compromises will be made during the relationship - because y'know - communication is key. If they're going to be alone in a movie for 2 1/2 hours that's fine. No harm in that or making out.