???Teaching Teens to Learn Respect???

[holywisdom20]

Anyone here have any ideas on how to teach teens to learn how to show respect.

I am a Youth Pastor and we had 10 teens in youth group last wednesday, and I realized that 5 of them seem to be respectful while the other 5 are not so respectful and like to talk and pass notes.

I am reminded of the 10 virgins that the Bible speaks of where 5 of them were wise and had oil in their lamps and the other 5 were foolish and had no oil in their lamps.

Also the passage about how Self-control is a fruit of the Spirt. In other words if there is no self-control then they are not bearing the fruits of the Spirit but rather the fruits of the flesh. (Galatians 5)

anyways if any one has any advise on how to teach these teens respect please let me know.

thank you,

Youth Pastor Glen

 

[silentpoet]

funny thing, in my class and at my church there are alot of school teachers. And they are pretty bad about talking in class.

You need to engage them with your lessons. What are you teaching right now and how does it apply to their life today? Obviously they need some self control, but maturity is something that takes time. At 31 I am still growing up myself. I don't have answers, but I do think you need to ask lots of questions till you find out what can hold all your students interests.

 

[seeking.IAM]

... Self-control is a fruit of the Spirt. In other words if there is no self-control then they are not bearing the fruits of the Spirit but rather the fruits of the flesh. (Galatians 5)

With all due respect, my opinion is that the passage in Galatians about self-control may have been meant for more significant life issues than note passing and talking.

I would first suggest you consider whether they are doing anything so wrong, or if they are merely bumping into your control issues.

You may wish to do some consideration of normal child development here. The developmental task of adolescence is to prepare for independence, and "normal" teenagers sometimes do that by deviating from what adults expect from them. There are studies that suggest that adolescents who are overly-compliant are less likely to end up as well adjusted adults than are kids who tested limits a bit.

I have been working with teenagers for about 30 years. I advise youth workers in all forms to set expectations, but avoid power struggles with adolescents. The best thing for you to do when there is talking going on during your program, is for you to stop talking, say nothing, and look (without glaring) at the party talking until they stop. When their behavior becomes compliant, i.e., they stop talking, resume your lesson. It's a silent message that doesn't get you labeled as a control freak.

If you start engaging in power struggles, they will begin avoiding your programming like the plague.

 

[Bernergirl]

The best way to teach is by example; if people don't get it beyond that point, pray and teach wisely with words.

Also, try seeing where your teens are at in their spiritual walk. I think someone in another thread had a good point in saying that if you don't meet teens where they at they aren't going to care what you teach. Most older teens and even younger teens are looking for more deep doctrinal stuff, I find, rather than random stuff about peer pressure and the like.

I will pray,

God bless you,

Lissa

P.S. Sorry for invading on your congregational forum.. Apparently I clicked one higher than SR... so sorry <blushes>. LMB

 

[JayCdn]

In my experience it starts with the leadership in the youth group. If the youth leaders don't show respect for one another and the students then there is no way we can expect it from the students themselves. It is a trickle down from there sometimes. It also trickles down from older students to younger.

Not to step on seeking.IAM's toes but I have had youth pastors use the "I won't talk until you're finished" technique and both as a student and a youth leader I very much dislike it. We allow the disruptive students to bring everything to a grinding halt, we are being disrespectful of the students who are paying attention by essentially suggesting that others are more important that them.
It seems to me that the speaker has enough to deal with just in carrying on in his/her message and it is the responsibility of other youth leaders to quietly, without drawing attention away from the speaker, touch or say the name of the individual causing a disturbance. That being said some students simply will not respond to that kind of thing and sometimes a leader needs to take a walk with them, you can explain that they are preventing others from getting anything out of the message if you so desire, though they likely understand this already.

There are students, and people for that matter, who have issues with authority a/o attention but if we play to them, and they are engaged in the material it doesn't matter what they think of the leader speaking, they respond.

Finally, (sorry this is so long) if these disrespectful students aren't disturbing you or anyone else then I tend to let it be. They are at church, possibly building relationships and associating positive experiences with the church.

 

[aigiqinf]

Teens are horrible little peoples. XD

 

[desert_island_1]

Teens are horrible little peoples. XD

I know. We do such bad things! I agree with Jay though (we go to the same church) It really does start with the leadership (the youth leaders and the older grades)

Kristy