Teaching Kids to Give

[Laurie919]

How do you teach your children to give?

I have always thought that Taylor would want to give just because she sees me give. I don't think it is working though. Maybe it is, I don't know. I see a selfish side to Taylor sometimes and it really bothers me. Because I am by no means a selfish person. I will do anything for anybody. I often get used because of it. Maybe that is what Taylor has seen and that is why she is the way she is.

I went to a church that I didn't feel comfortable giving my money to. I know it is crazy to go to a church that you don't trust with your money. Well, I'm not there anymore. Right before I left I would have rather given my money to a crackhead on the street than to that church.

There are times when I feel lead to give. I might buy an older couples meal in a resturant or an older person sitting alone. I have seen people behind me in a drive thru before that I have felt like I was supposed to buy them their mean and have done it. Sometimes I just have felt like I was supposed to do that, almost like I was buying a meal for Jesus.

I have been going down the road before and seen someone walking and just had it on my heart to give that person something and have.

I have worked at plants most of my life and they are usually in the worst neighborhoods because anyone that can afford to isn't going to live next to something that is constantly letting chemicals into the air that you breathe. So, there are usually a lot of homeless people roaming the streets in these areas, basically these are the neighborhoods where the drugs, drive by shoots and things like that are at. So, you see a lot of people in need.

When we rented the apartment we are in now I knew God gave us a three bedroom for a reason. I have always felt like that 3rd bedroom is to bless someone. I have let several people stay there who had no place to go. I have been used every time to. So, I am seriously lacking descernment (sp?).

Taylor has a good heart and when she sees someone in need she always wants to help them. BUT she never wants to help someone to the point of giving up something she wants. I don't know how to teach her that. You would think she would learn by seeing but she doesn't.

I have talked about the guy who uses my kitchen before to cook and then sells the food to make his living. I get aggravated with him because he just uses my stuff and never replaces it. She took a lock off the bathroom door and put in on the pantry so she could lock it and him not use it anymore. Then she was trying to figure out how to lock the freezer. I don't know where this attidute comes from. It aggravates me but I would never do anything that extream. I don't know where she gets things like that.

 

[cobweb]

In our house toys are paired down around birthdays and Christmas. All toys (unless it is something really special) must fit in their toy bins with room for new stuff. Anything in good condition is donated and I make sure that they are actively participating in that. The same thing goes for clothes. We've been doing this since they were babies.

 

[cobweb]

IMO the best way to learn to give is to know what it is like to do without. It fosters a sense of empathy that is very difficult to teach.

 

[Laurie919]

IMO the best way to learn to give is to know what it is like to do without. It fosters a sense of empathy that is very difficult to teach.

How do you teach them that?

We just went through two months of her having to hear no on just about everything she asked for. During this time she did actually start her own little business with her friend. She even paid her own cell phone bill last month.

There was a family in our community who lost the mom Easter before last. I made Taylor go with me there to bring food. They had holes in their floors no front door. The house only had two rooms and I think they had 8 children at home. This was the closest she ever came to seeing real poverty.

She had no problem with me giving them her clothes that didn't fit or with me doing other things for them. But had I said ok instead of you getting a really big Christmas why don't we adopt a needy child. She would have had a freaking heart attack.

I just don't understand how she can be selfish when I am NOTHING like that.

 

[Leanna]

order her this: http://www.daveramsey.com/shop/Financial_Peace_Jr__P112C40.cfm

 

[Laurie919]

......

 

[Leanna]

The link that I offered teaches kids how to manage their money in a way to prepare them for the future. I was trying to help.

 

[Laurie919]

Grow up Laurie.... can't take a little heat can you?

Let me let you in on a secret.... she's selfish because that's what you taught her. Congratulations!

No, the link that I offered teaches kids how to manage their money in a way to prepare them for the future. I was trying to help.

At least she is willing to work for what she wants even at 10.

 

[heart of peace]

Ugh, forget it. I want no part of this. I deleted my response.

 

[Laurie919]

Ugh, forget it. I want no part of this. I deleted my response.

We really have spent a lot of time in places like that. After Hurricane Katrina we spent several weeks helping at our church. These were people who lost everything.

She had no problem then packing up things to bring and give away.

 

[Meshavrischika]

How do you teach your children to give?

I have always thought that Taylor would want to give just because she sees me give. I don't think it is working though. Maybe it is, I don't know. I see a selfish side to Taylor sometimes and it really bothers me. Because I am by no means a selfish person. I will do anything for anybody. I often get used because of it. Maybe that is what Taylor has seen and that is why she is the way she is.
I don't know you personally... but is your heart in giving and does it bring you visible joy... or do you just give out of obligation (serious question). If it is the latter, that's probably why. Elsa sees me do the dishes. I HATE doing the dishes. While I do them, it is not an example she is eager to follow because I have such a distaste for it.
I went to a church that I didn't feel comfortable giving my money to. I know it is crazy to go to a church that you don't trust with your money. Well, I'm not there anymore. Right before I left I would have rather given my money to a crackhead on the street than to that church.
I feel ya. I left mine too.
There are times when I feel lead to give. I might buy an older couples meal in a resturant or an older person sitting alone. I have seen people behind me in a drive thru before that I have felt like I was supposed to buy them their mean and have done it. Sometimes I just have felt like I was supposed to do that, almost like I was buying a meal for Jesus.

I have been going down the road before and seen someone walking and just had it on my heart to give that person something and have.

I have worked at plants most of my life and they are usually in the worst neighborhoods because anyone that can afford to isn't going to live next to something that is constantly letting chemicals into the air that you breathe. So, there are usually a lot of homeless people roaming the streets in these areas, basically these are the neighborhoods where the drugs, drive by shoots and things like that are at. So, you see a lot of people in need.

When we rented the apartment we are in now I knew God gave us a three bedroom for a reason. I have always felt like that 3rd bedroom is to bless someone. I have let several people stay there who had no place to go. I have been used every time to. So, I am seriously lacking descernment (sp?).
This is an offering. This is what your job is. Keep doing it. Do you share with her at that time why you do it?

The problem I see is your constant reference to being "used". You're not supposed to be a lender but to give freely expecting nothing in return. You cannot be used under this type of edict.... but if you expect in return, you are not truely giving.
Taylor has a good heart and when she sees someone in need she always wants to help them. BUT she never wants to help someone to the point of giving up something she wants. I don't know how to teach her that. You would think she would learn by seeing but she doesn't.
While you give, do you give of what you need, or just the extra you have? Maybe seeing you give up something you treasure or something you have worked hard for would make an impression on her more so than just giving pocket change or a meal here and there... KWIM?
I have talked about the guy who uses my kitchen before to cook and then sells the food to make his living. I get aggravated with him because he just uses my stuff and never replaces it. She took a lock off the bathroom door and put in on the pantry so she could lock it and him not use it anymore. Then she was trying to figure out how to lock the freezer. I don't know where this attidute comes from. It aggravates me but I would never do anything that extream. I don't know where she gets things like that.

again, that idea of giving without expecting in return comes into play. If you let go, she probably will too.

 

[lovesdolphins]

Seriously - the link that Leanna gave is a wonderful learning tool for children. When we have children we will use that as well as what we have learned from him as adults on how to better allocate our money.

 

[Laurie919]

I love to do things for people and never even let them know who did it. It brings me a lot of joy to give to others. I think that is a lot of the reason that Taylor is as spoiled as she is. I love to see her face light up when she gets something new.

When I say I was used it was by a couple different people who needed a place to stay and I let them stay there. They didn't pay anything, didn't even buy their own food, but twice when I asked one of these people to help with something they would not do it. So that is why I felt used.

You are right though, when I give it should be a gift not expecting something in return.

 

[Laurie919]

Taylor has a bank that has three sections one seciton is a church, the next is a bank and the last is like a mall. It teachs children to give, save then spend.

 

[lovesdolphins]

but does she use it?

 

[Laurie919]

but does she use it?

She use to when she was much younger.

 

[Leanna]

Seriously - the link that Leanna gave is a wonderful learning tool for children. When we have children we will use that as well as what we have learned from him as adults on how to better allocate our money.

Thank you and us also, we plan to have our kids do that course... or maybe just the teenage one. I think his stuff is practical and really helpful.

 

[Meshavrischika]

She use to when she was much younger.

push her. (no offense intended)

take her to say... the battered women's shelter and have her clean windows... and see who all is there with their moms (I think kids suffering will make more of an impression on her because she can identify with them)... then ask her what she can give to help them...

put the situation in her face

 

[Meshavrischika]

I tried the Dave Ramsey thing with Elsa... it wasn't a success for me, but I can see it working for alot of people.

 

[Laurie919]

I tried the Dave Ramsey thing with Elsa... it wasn't a success for me, but I can see it working for alot of people.

How old is she?